Most of my life was a never ending nightmare looming over me and breaking my heart, over and over again. It wasn’t always that way because I remember when I was really young, and this was when my mom and dad actually got along, they always gave me a lot of their attention.
We had movie nights together on days that my mom and dad didn’t work; we’d play monopoly, scrabble, and my mom would read me bedtime stories about princesses. I believed in love at first sight and princes coming to the rescue for damsels in distress. However, none of that was ever going to last because I was created by a woman who never learned to be loyal.
She taught me about love and princes, but she obviously never learned that she would have to stay with one prince even when she decided to get married to him. I found out that she had cheated on my dad with multiple people when I was around ten years old. Every time my dad was at work, she would bring home one of her many conquests and she would sleep with them. It got to the point where these random men would even try to hurt me so one day when my dad came back home from work, I tried to tell him what she was up to. Sadly, he didn’t believe me. He had looked me in my eyes and decided that because I was young, I didn’t understand what I was talking about. I’m not going to lie, it hurt.
When my dad finally found out that I was telling the truth it was because he had caught her in bed with her old boss. I was there when it happened, my mom’s lipstick was smudged and the man that was hidden by blankets was holding my mother in place. She had continued sleeping with the pig of a man. Watching as my father’s face turned pale with agony and despair and not caring enough to even make up an excuse. Breaking his heart, and ruining our life in the process.
My dad filed for a divorce, something that I’ve been wishing he did since I learned what a divorce was, when I was fifteen years old. I was old enough to understand that I was going to have to live with one of these people and I was praying that it would end up being my dad. Maybe it’s wrong, but after I had found out the truth, all of my respect and admiration for my mother was thrown out of the window like seeds of budding hatred. The woman that had told me about love was the very same woman who made it impossible for me to believe that such a thing couldn’t exist. I hated my mother with all of my soul and I had wished that she would no longer be a part of my life but sadly, that wasn’t how things worked out for me. My mom had slept with some big shot attorney that had a big influence on the judge and so she got custody of me, despite the fact that I had wanted nothing to do with her. If that wasn’t enough she then filed a restraining order on my dad, accusing him of stalking her when he had just been wanting to see his own daughter. Now, because of that selfish woman, I can’t see or talk to my dad, at least until I’m an adult.
The wait till I’m an adult, however, won’t be a very long time at all and she’s going to wish that she didn’t torment me and my father the way that she did. I’m going to come back stronger than ever before! My mom doesn’t know what I do after classes everyday because she doesn’t care enough, she doesn’t know how much money I make either. I found a way to protect myself even if that means building up a wall inside my heart so tall and strong that no one can hurt me ever again. I’ve learned from both my mother and my father and I refuse to be like either of them. I won’t be someone who stands aside and refuses to believe I’m being betrayed; I won’t be someone that hurts other people and cheats to get their way; most importantly though, I will not let somebody walk all over me in the name of ‘love’.
The woman in charge of me hasn’t noticed it but I believe that I have anger issues of some kind. I was bound to have something wrong with me, the way that I grew up and all, but I grew to be slightly afraid of myself and what I’m capable of. I work out a lot, to help with all of the anger. Eventually working out as often as I did, I started boxing pretty naturally. Boxing eventually became my life, it became my crutch. All of the time that I spent hitting a bag or sparring with someone else, made me feel so alive. I eventually even ended up fighting in a ring professionally and the catch was that they wouldn’t let me use my real name, which was fine by me because at the end of the day I didn’t need anybody telling my mother about where I work anyway.
This money that I’ve earned by being a hard working member of society will go to finding my father and making sure that I can feel like a human again someday. I’m not sure how things will play out exactly but I know for a fact, with all the confidence of a nerd, I’m going to power through this just by being me.