It's been 6 months.....
Half a year has passed since you left. They say things get better over time. That’s a lie. Things have only gotten worse. She’s gotten worse. She spent this time slowly building up her walls, one brick at a time, until finally she shut everyone out. She went from late night talks to monotone hellos, from happy smiles to sad eyes. I rarely see or speak to her anymore, except for awkward chit chat in the halls. Eight years of friendship, seventeen years of relative happiness, months of love, and you ruined it all in one day, in one moment, in one text. You didn’t even stick around to see the aftermath.
You weren’t there to hold her in your arms as she sobbed uncontrollably. You didn’t see the scars on her wrists and begged her never to do it again, because she deserves happiness, not pain. You weren’t the one who told her she was beautiful when she called herself fat, unhappy with what she saw in the mirror. You never shared your food with her because she “forgot” to pack her lunch again. You didn’t stay up until 3 in the morning texting her because she couldn’t sleep at night. Above all you didn’t see how much she loved you, how much you affected her, or her face when something reminded her of you (which happened more often than she’d admit). I did. I did all these things and more to help her pick up the broken pieces of the heart you shattered. Yet now I’m being pushed away along with everyone else.
She’s like family to me and she barely notices me anymore. She just looks through me, like she can’t truly see me, but I know the truth. She’s thinking of you, wishing you were the one standing by her side, helping her survive this crazy world. She knows she should be furious with you, but she just can’t manage it. You hurt her so badly, but I know she’d welcome you back with open arms, no apology or explanation needed. While I get ignored, you are idolised because she honestly believed you were her soul-mate. You made her so happy, but I know the truth.
You never loved her. You just said you did. For what reasons, I don’t know, but you don’t do that to people you love. You make them feel safe and happy, not sad and alone. I just want to know why you chose her?
Why did you take my friend away from me? Once you got to know her, and I mean really got to know her, why did you still do it? She is kind and generous and deserves so much more than you. I hope you realise what you’ve lost because she’s not going to wait forever. One day she’ll be able to smile without faking it, maybe laugh at a joke, or finally get a good night’s sleep, and before you know it she’ll be back to her old self. The friend I’ve missed so much. But until then I’ll be right here. Looking out for her.
Waiting for her.
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