Muddled Emotions

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Chapter 18

After an hour he falls asleep in the chair, Raven comes to, everything hurts “dad....” she can’t move it hurts too much “DAD!”

Jasper jumps up “RAVEN!”

Raven is a little surprised “Jasper...”

“I'm here, I am never leaving you again!”

Her dad comes in “What’s wrong baby?”

“I need the doctor, everything is really hurting...badly”

“Ok baby give me 5! hold on ok” he runs out

Jasper leans forward “Squeeze my hand if you need to ok...” Her tears keep flowing and Jasper try’s to take her mind of the pain, soon enough the doctor comes in and is able to give her some pain relief.

After 10 minutes she is able to settle again, she takes a deep breath “why you here Jasper...” she looks down trying to hold in her tears

“Because I love you Raven, I have never been so scared when you’re dad told me you were missing, I never thought I would see you again, and that put a lot of things in to perspective for me...”

She looks up at him “How do you mean?”

“The day I met you Raven, I could see you were as broken as I was, and one of the best decisions I made was coming over and drinking with you that night, you may have been going through something much harder, and yet you still looked out for me and to you then I was a complete stranger, which tells me that you are so strong, and the kindest soul to never want anyone to feel even the slightest pain you did...and each day from then that one that we spent talking or we spent together, lit my world up and made me feel complete piece by piece, you are the most courageous woman I have ever had the fortune to meet and I wouldn’t change a second of it, you are something and someone so fucking special and someone I can truly admire with all my heart, you rock my world, and my life, my life will never, never be the same again, and if I have learnt anything over the last couple of months, it's that I can’t and don’t want to be without you...I want us to face things together...and I know that as much as it pains me to know part of you still loves him as well as me... I just want to ask that, I have a chance to win you’re heart too, please don’t make a decision at least until I find out if that baby is mine, so at least you have that time to think, I know it’s selfish of me to ask you this now, or even at all but please...”

She is crying and biting her lip so she doesn't sob out loud “Jasper...that is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me...”

He stands and leans down, gently kissing her savouring it “wait for me...”

She nods “Ok...”

He smiles and kisses her with a little more urgency to it this time “I won’t give up...” he kisses her forehead then takes his leave.


It's a Saturday morning and Raven wakes early morning, she finally felt fit and well enough to get up, and she does slowly, felt so good after being bed bound so long, she had everyone in and out waiting on her hand on foot, she hated every second, once she is standing she heads in to her bathroom and showers, it felt incredible she could actually feel clean, once she was done she felt even better, and she heads down stairs quietly as most were still asleep.

She heads in to the kitchen and makes a coffee, then heads down in to her favourite part of the garden, she left a note on the side as not to panic anyone. She sits taking in the fresh air and collects her thoughts for the past few months and how manic it had been, that this had been the most at peace she had felt with everything, she stays there well over an hour before Ray comes out “are you sure you should be out of bed?”

She turns “I’m fine, not running a marathon, I couldn’t stay stuck there anymore, besides its nice not to smell, blood or antiseptic, besides I think I'm pretty much healed”

He walks closer and sits next to her “I’m so sorry Raven... I didn’t know...”

She shrugs “how could you of known? It’s over now anyway, what’s done is done...”

Ray hangs his head “I will never forgive myself birdie... when me and you’re dad found you... if you hadn’t of spoke, I would of thought... you were dead..”

She flinches as he says it “I thought I was going to be, and I had so much running through my head, my last moments with each of you was mostly it...I.” Ray puts his arm around her and she leans her head on his shoulder “Thank you for saving my life..”

“I didn’t though, If I hadn't of made such a mess of things you wouldn’t of been in that position birdie and I will hate myself for that for the rest of my life...and while we are on the confession side of things...I may of...overheard Jasper talking to you the other week... I’m not gonna dig, but I need to know if I stand a chance with you against him...I will wait too, but I need to know if..”

She turns her head and leans up crashing her lips to his, he gently pulls her in to his arms, after a few minutes she pulls back and he looks up at her “that’s all I needed to know...” he rests his head on her chest as she stands between his legs and he pulls her close, they stay that for a bit.

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