Chapter 1- Lost
I can't believe that I have finally graduated high school. Well, to be honest, it kind of sucks that I wouldn't be able to see my classmates again since they will be in their respective universities after summer break is over. Right now, I feel like I don't even have a set of goals and ambitions in which university, I want to go to. I just feel a bit lost and don't know when this type of feeling will end. Don't get me wrong, I truly care about my future, however looking for the right university and choosing a degree program is difficult. Even choosing a course for myself is almost like an ongoing battle between practicality and passion. Should I even choose a practical course and earned a lot of money in the future or a course that I am passionate about?
These are two acceptable choices yet I haven't thought about them for a long time. What am I even good at? "Hey, Caroline! Monica yelled at me." "Hi, Monica? I replied to her with a questioning look. "Have you decided on a course yet?" Monica asked. "I haven't decided yet, I don't even know what university I have to attend after the summer break," I told her. Her eyes were full of questions. "Huh! You haven't yet? Why. She annoyingly asked again. Oh God, this female is questioning my life choices right in front of me! My answers have made the tension in the air more turbulent than before. "Well educate me! My life is a huge mess and it has no goals and ambition, I replied to her exasperatedly."
Monica stared at me for ten seconds. She was damn speechless for my loud and blunt answer. "Okay fine, I'm sorry, your answers were just unexpected, Monica sighed." "Monica, get real. I am not the only person in this world, who hasn't made a plan for college, I'm pretty sure a few people from the student body still haven't found their dreams, I just want to go home and eat takeaway pizza as a simple way to celebrate at home, I told her while walking to the bus station. "Well then see you then, she yelled and walk away." I finally saw her walk away from a short distance.
Well, Monica was my only friend in high school. I met her on the first day of school, and we clicked. Deep inside, she's a bit worried about me because of what happened last year. Last year was just pure garbage! I don't want every piece of evidence that is embedded in my memories. My parents finally decided to go through their separate ways and officially filed for divorce. It shocked the whole community when they heard the news of their separation. My parents did everything to protect their image as the perfect couple but I guessed perfection is just an illusion because they still went their separate ways after everything they went through. Nothing much has changed since then but their ongoing fights for child support and who gets to have joint custody over me.
If God could hear my prayers right now, I just want this entire battle to end. I am already ashamed of which family I belong to even though people have told me that it was never my fault in the first place. I just want to move forward peacefully before I finally get a sense of inspiration for what my next adventure will be.
