Blow your cheeks. Blow your bubble gum. The teacher did not even notice did not even speak about the gum. Where is it now we do not belong in England they said sort of. But most of the girls were black and able to live like the Brits always together always in a crowd.
"This is the stick insect which you practise on." Surely this is not a school for the likes of me. Emu was most concerned.
The teacher did not mean me?? Emu wanted to waste no time get an education but her days were full of other stuff. Not dreams as such but things which a child did not deal with. She dealt with them. It first started when she had to deal with the toilet as her mother disliked the job. She Emu cleaned the toilets there and that was not natural it made her out caste.
"Stick insects was also called Sardines because we all lived in a cafe and were crammed inside this tin. " Said Jane. She said she would love to open the tin.
They appealed to their betters because they were doing stuff. The class tittered. They thought that being a virgin at fourteen was a bit old fashioned. I had to behave like them and give it a go. I did not want to because had a family who would attack me the moment I was no longer a virgin.
Incest ? I did not want it.
"This is from another novel."
"Just let me get it off my chest."
My defence was as a virgin. I became quite rude and odd forsaking the normal clubs and things. Deeds done in order to survive.
Cleaning the shop meant me had no time to be a girl.
"What is wrong with your family I seen your dad he is so handsome." Sighed Jane.
"What is wrong with you do not go near my dad." I meant he a bad man. But Jane had a faraway smile as if she saw more than I did. What she saw in dad?
"You serious about being a virgin?"
Jane began to smile. I shrugged let her try him it might prove useful.
"Do you fantasise?"
"No." Said Emu definitely. She only had to read Mills and Boons.
"No one speaks about being a virgin one remains quiet." Said a wise girl. Speaking like she had had it. The roads are very crowded on the ships journeys and there is most probably a accident. If not they throw you over board- allow you to drown.
"Well it is too late now I got all the bloody school after me trying to interfere with me."
"Not so bad." Said the girl.
Everybody needs something different. If we were all the same we would be like a grouped animals.
"Clones you mean?"
"Yes that is right."
On my hair or on my chair chewing gum and there was more gloom.
Jane said she was putting it somewhere. Nasty thing to happen. The class waited anticipating what she was about to do. Then when I got up there was a sigh. I had to go to the toilet again. When I returned this girl hastily sat on my chair to be next to her. She then went yelp.
"Emu wake up."
"I am awake."
There was a cross moment a embarrassment. She a important cousin. A joke that went wrong. There was a silence a hostile silence towards everybody. Except for Jane. She shone. She did not mean that to happen. But caught her laughing.
The other girl got up gingerly and went to the blackboard. She said her piece shortly and then left the room. Next time she had shorter hair. In fact shorter everything. Her temper had frayed. Her attitude did not change the girls still were cousins.
Stunned the class were stunned.
"Hear the applause."
They threw me out from the class. I was now outside looking in all because I did not sew and did not let my virtue go.
Crass upper classes.
"The nightshades "
"What did you say?" asked the teacher.
"Never said a word." said Emu.
"But you looked as if you were enjoying yourself."
"No way I am just being this intolerable bore. Believe me that is what it feels like."
"There you are not a bore just sit still."
Every teacher said their class was full.
"No one wanted a loser when a genius scholar was around."
"She would leave if I Emu around."
In the assembly where we all gathered there was this much hatred inside me. I boiled over with resentment and someone noted and then I was not allowed in there as well.
My heavy beating heart was all there in the walk in the long walk. That I who did not much all day weep now for the thing was there was no direct buses into the damn school.
Jane got yet another prize a Shakepeare's poetry book. She loved to read and read it so well. She got a standing ovation. The thing brought tears into eyes which was metallic and hard. That is called envy. I looked at them all and I think I went a bit weirder.
"Only nice girls from society have virginity now yours have to be off." She told me in the corridor.
"Pick a fight with us after seven."
"I eat at seven."
"Then come at eight."
"The thing is not on a full stomach otherwise will be sick."
Darkness inevitable thoughts of isolation and selfish things. I was not allowed to read and felt the girls were now frightful. They went on the nights fighting for territory even for make up and picking up fellas. They were in a gang of likenesses and had much of themselves spoilt and mated some eventually fell foul and done in.
"We are all in love." They all sighed.
Let us tear down her dress. I was never going to misbehave. of childish hell. Children can be the cruellest bullies. Fatty and fatso and little big sardines in a box. Let us sit on her when the teacher came in.
They can become worse frights and they did. When nobody spoke about the abuse they just continued.. The cunts I thought. The life went out of me I was alone and there was exams looming.
When the whole thing went sad dead. I was flat broke. No hope for catch up way behind and they ahead. Missed too many classes and there it was. Out again.
They truly did not realise that I was a girl too, They only saw what I had made Jane do and it was not Jane's fault.
I was leaving school for good.
"I make tea as a luxury." said someone who had seen me working in that little cafe. That the cage was getting ready to fit me in." . Why was it difficult for people to see that there was no harm in serving tea?
"School is the key to success."
"I have no room to study the bedroom is also the communal living room."
The television was on till eleven and by then I would be sleepy.
"I know Miss I know."
"Why do they force you?"
"No Miss definitely not but when mother starts crying when dad wants his sober self when mother kept on saying she dying of over work."
"No it is exaggeration. Parents look after their children."
"Mine are like children." I spoke for the first time."
"We do not believe you silence now."
"Mine are scholars and they add to the interesting world."
"Doctors her parents are doctors. You knowt
"We do believe that is the true self."
"How dare you girl to destroy these girls innocence?"
"You see that is how it should be not some grim story of that type?"
"Yes Miss my life is not what it should be. I must mend it."
I had a hilarious view when I would mend my parents make them stand up straight and sober and able.
Miss Callous then closed the register closed her mind and that was it for me. Doors closed. Done for.
"Choose another excuse." said Miss Callous.
I did not want to stay another term in such a place and when that did not happen planted the seeds to my and my family's destruction.
We left for parts unknown called Cyprus.