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Chapter 7

Stop yelling to me. The scream inside of me not a real one. Life is beautiful. So they say speak to me life is it beauty which you behold? My stomach rumbling in an unpleasant manner sent shivers down my spine.


We were playing soldiers with toast and egg. Eat the soldier and then get laid. By whom? Family members.


"I don't live I am dead." Mother said over and over again. She added, "You are dead because your body has not come alive."

Did she confuse me with someone else? Emu answer and Emu could not do nothing about being so poor that he had to stay at home.

"My unassailable self." Emu sighed.

"Selfishly preserved." She was about to con me of something she always said it out loud. When a woman wants to con someone they flatter and flatten the damnations.

She tittered.

"The spots on your bottom are tingly."

"Well it is nice to know me so well."

Emu wept for shame there was almost this beast inside mother leaping out every time there was weakness. She was on the prowl. Dad had been dead too long. When two women live together long enough and their relations one of co habitations there is almost this insanity going on between them,

"Look there is nothing but dark in this paper did you intentionally make it so dark." She puts the paper against the light to see if any light was underneath.

Continue to eat the soldiers.

Her face becomes dark and animated there is almost a pleading tone to her whole talking.

"You must see other than this?"

"I am not blind." I say in some distress.

"I asked you to imagine something?" added the tutor.

"I cannot."

"Go and sit in the corridor."

"I will Miss."

I dismissed without reservation settled on reading in my mind the many books in the library. What possibilities did that have? I do not know but it passed the time. It is a habit I am used to re reading books. In my mind they come alive.

The thing persisted, "Odd child wants to be different."

"Bad for you to think like that child."

"But that is what I see Miss Wilson."

She gave a shudder then said she could not continue to teach such a child.

I because one who was born of evil and did nothing but paint darkness. I was a bad influence on the others. Because someone painted angels.

Oh darling she had been taught right.

"Um she lives in a mansion."

"You see everyone has a different butterfly."

We did it was amazing.

We were over crowded. What she doing in that school then? She had come to learn common manners. I thought there was warm air and heavy breathing as people all girls did their chore. She then said she had chosen her wives. I did not have a birthday on the day which school was at.

After seventeen brides I took to running down the school stairs and out in the cool refreshing air. They were nuts.

"Emu come back to us."

"Well I will after the summer break."

By that time hopefully they would have forgotten. The teaching staff were to blame if they were not in the staff room marking non existent essays I would not have come to this.

But the teacher was so eaten with looking in my direction she did not see the other girls.

"I want you to paint such stuff all the time."

"Yes Miss." I was not amused naturally I disliked them beasts the butterflies.

The bell rang. I ran faster. The girls would be upon me soon. The demons of disaster was upon me I said no already but they said I was one of them. One of them? I had not even noticed.

She was nowhere to be seen in sight and I left a sigh of relief. I was most out. In the street.

I did not know how I felt. But something was off not right. Did she do it on purpose?

Then she disappeared. She was reading her book. The one she did not finish with even when she read it throughout the course. Nightmares pursued.

She shut that book and then someone asked me what I had done to make the Miss go away? "Has she?"

"Well yes."

"I did not know she was leaving." yelled Jane missing the chance of a life time of adding painting to her credits.

"Nothing to do all the time but get rid of perfectly good teaching staff."

"No Miss."

"Well why did Mrs Wilson leave?"

"She had a headache Miss."

"Oh did she?"

Emotional upheaval meant the tutor who came after Mrs Wilson was a artist. She just let us be. We could draw in our sloppy manners as long as we did not destroy each others art pieces.

The sergeant major with his war stories sort of settled into the background. I had no toast that day.

Meanwhile the class decided to take the matter into their own hands. They were hopeless to see my point of view. I a sad Emu got into a rage.

"Childhood gone. Childhood left." said Emu's family.

"No it hasn't." Emu challenged them all, " not until I am able to become a educated Emu."

"You will never be that."

"We will see to it."

"It is guaranteed where she will end up."

"Have a laugh why don't you all?"

"Eat your heart out." They sniggered.

"What we have will endure what you have will decay and die."

They destroyed the nose I was working on as I had taken the whole morning to chisel the damn beast.

They giggled as they went down or up the steps. I just looked at the nose the head and just cried. Then sat in a corner and saw the bin and binned it.

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