Her

“So, Bell looks like you have BPD and depression. Dr. Hamada says with a heavy heart,” cold and monotone voice.


What’s BPD! Tonya says with a loud voice.

BPD or borderline personality disorder is a mental disorder where it is characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships. Dr. Hamada says with his calm, motioned voice.


“Will she have a normal life? Tonya says as I look at her with annoyance.”


“Yes, she will have a normal life. Many people with the disorder can have normal and productive lives.” Dr. Hamada says with a calm but simple smile.


Me and Tonya Sitting across from Doctor Hamada in his office I look at the ticking clock and think, can things get more worse and how she never thought her best friend her dad would just be gone so fast. Several of her best memories are of her father and how close they were and how much she needed him and loved him. She felt a tear running down her face at the very thought of her father. Dr. Hamada and Tonya keep talking about the disorder as Bell keeps watching the clock.


“Bella, Bella, Bella, are you okay, do you understand what I am saying to you? Do you understand what mental disorder you have?” Dr. Hamada says with a relaxed smile and tone with ease.

“My name is Bell not Bella. And yes, I understand so let me guess I am bat shit fucking crazy?” Bell finally looks up at Dr. Hamada and sees the salt and pepper hair with a clean and shaven face. He has a calm but professional tone when looking at him. He has this confident and professional air to him which is interesting. I know I should not have said that to him, but I just got so mad, I should apologize for what I said it was uncalled for.

“Bell Samantha Agen watches your mouth when speaking to the doctor. Tonya says with a stern and shocked tone.”

I rolled my eyes after what my mom said and kept looking at the ticking clock as she was sitting in the chair in an upright position with her legs pressed against her chest. Bell was sitting there feeling hopeless and trapped between two people who refused to listen to what she had to say. On the inside she boils with anger at how others are making life choices for her. Then she hears the soft pitter patter and the loud sound of rain falling from the sky, she listens to the rain falling from the sky and hitting the building. She was here because she had a manic episode where she tried to kill herself. Why am I here with this bitch and annoying doctor? I am fine and do not need help? Last time I checked, the time I really needed you, you were not there, you were too busy being sloppy drunk and snoring coke. Now after dad divorced you and died now you want to be a mom because you say you are clean. Typical she thinks. I should not think this way and I know she is trying.

“Look, Bell, you have a deeply serious mental illness that not only could hurt yourself but also others and I want to find ways for you to have a stable and happy life. Now I need to let you know something about what I and your mother think is best for you is that you be admitted to a mental ward for a couple of weeks. Dr. Hamada speaks with a stern tone and professionalism. The psychologist I assigned you is Dr. Gracie Ebel, she will help you. Dr. Ebel and I as well as your mother have arranged for you to attend. Dialectical behavior therapy or DTP is a group or individual therapy designed to treat borderline personality disorders.” Hamada said this as he was leaning onto the table with his hands folding on top of each other.

“What! What the hell are you even going on about?” Bell says with a loud outburst of anger. I know that I am being rude, and they want to help but I am just annoyed and want to be left the fuck alone. Bell plops her legs down from her chest and slouches over her legs and puts her elbows over her thighs and puts her hands over on both sides of her head and rubs the sides of her head with pain and annoyance, she has a headache.

“We think it best that you should be hospitalized for a couple of weeks for your own safety.” Hamada says as he tries to get Bell to calm herself.

“No! No! No! Please you cannot do this to me?” Bell shakes her head in anger and frustration with tears flowing.

“Yes, Bell, you are going because me and the doctor thought it would be best. You are going and that's final young lady!” Tonya says with annoyance in her voice. As her head turns to Bell in anger, daring her to challenge.

"Now I also have some prescriptions ready for you when you arrive at the ward. These medicines are antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety medications and antidepressants.” “Please understand this is for your own good.” Hamada says with a soft smile on his face.

Bell looks up at her mother and the doctor with tears flowing down her face and smokes with anger and sadness but if anything, she feels betrayed.