This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.
So like, prologue.
I’m going at it on the dance floor like it’s me versus the music. Opposite me is this guy in a chest-hugging Grateful Dead tee who looks like he could be R-Patz’s double, though I can’t tell if it’s for sure or just my MDMA goggles. They’re playing this Lady Ga Ga medley so it’s the definition of a gay cliché, but frankly when you’re floating on one of Danny’s cocktails who even gives a fuck? He’s over in the corner talking to some emo in drag and he runs a hand over his head stubble and catches my eye and flashes me a quick grin. I give him the thumbs up, meaning the goods are like, good. Beside me my gorgeous vision interprets this as the latest move and starts swaying from side to side with both thumbs twisting in the air. I lean forward to tell him what a penis he looks, but the next thing I know I’m copying him, and we’re both doing it, jerking our thumbs up and down like a pair of demented reject hitchhikers. People around are looking at us like we’re this embarrassment to the human race, which we totally are, but even that’s cool as this delicious chill spreads out through my chest and down towards the base of my spine. I’m practically pissing myself from pleasure here.
Just then R-Patz leans in close and takes hold of me, and for a second I’m like, Cocky some? since I haven’t even given him much of the eye or anything. Only instead of locking onto my mouth he aims for my ear instead.
He’s like, Hey buddy, can I get some of that?
We stand there swaying and hugging for a while, and it’s pretty sweet until I realise he’s still waiting for an answer. I pull away and give him this wink, then I throw Danny this massively unsubtle like, SOS-style wave. Danny rolls his eyes but gives me a nod. I turn back to R-Patz.
I’m like, He’ll sort you out.
Patz is like, Cheers man.
He gives my shoulder a squeeze, which is a bit like being touched by a demigod at this point, and heads off towards Danny. I wave at him goodbye, slightly sorry about it since to be honest I’d of kind of liked it if he’d just wanted to stay here and carry on hugging for a while.
I look down and realise I’m still waving, that it’s become part of my dance routine, and it’s so unthinkably awful it’s like it’s gone beyond good and bad and shot straight into stupendously amazing. I’m so high I’m practically levitating by this point, and it takes a while before I realise Danny is shaking me, his face all cavernous and his mouth open in a perfect blow-up-doll-shaped hole.
Jaz! he’s shouting.
I’m about to tell him to take deep breaths and think of some happy childhood memory that wasn’t about getting sold for crack when I see what he’s upset about. A policeman. At first I think it’s just a rapid paranoia flip and I blink several times. But instead of like, dematerialising he gets even closer. He’s with R-Patz, and Patz pointing them over towards us, and his beautiful face is all serious and suddenly he doesn’t look remotely high or beautiful – or much like R-Patz for that matter.
What’s going on? I go to Danny, only when I turn I find I’m like, talking to his aura because he’s long gone, making this ripple effect as he pushes his way through the crowd towards the fire exit.
I look back at R-Patz’s dumpy younger brother. He’s staring at me and making this weird sign with his fingers, like Vulcan for Hello. In the like, the locus of confusion, I make the sign back at him. But he’s not talking to me really. He’s signalling to another policemen who’s standing behind me, and before I can start for the hills myself this hand of doom descends on my arm and spins me round.
Alright mate, goes the pig, Come with me please.
And there, right before hundreds of planet-sized eyes, filmed by a whole bunch of i-phones, I’m led off to the side of the room, stuffed in cuffs and like, totally arrested.
annabellewilliams123: I loved this novel I read it all in one.sitting, the story made me put back into perspective my own life and how I wasnt as bad off as I think sometimes.I loved that they had such a strong love and it's what any person hopes to find. and such a strong loving family
aleesamarshall1113: This is my first book reading on here and I absolutely loved it! If you like a book that'll keep you up late at night then this is your go to. What makes this novel so special is that it shows that even if your not blood related some people would put your needs before there's.
ianwatson: The comedy is original and genuinely funny, I have laughed out loud many times reading this book. But the story and the plot are also really engaging. The opening two or three chapters seem quite character-dense but they all soon come to life and there is no padding, filling or wasted time readin...
Ruby0h: Overall I thought your story was really good! It drew me in right away and kept me interested as the story progressed. I loved the character of Kayla being inserted into this story, and the way she affected and shaped the life of the original story into something totally new and interesting. I lo...
jaslynnash2015: I absolutely loved the story from beginning to end and I loved following each of the characters throughout their journey! Very captivating although there were a few grammar errors, but very captivating still! Can't wait for book 2!
JulieJeanette: I'm only on chapter nine, but so far I am loving this story!. I am on pins and needles hoping that they find good men in their lives by the end. I am American and so the British tone and lingo ('knickers,' 'sod it' ) of the book is very appealing. I had to find out how much '12 stone' was by goog...
Jaslyn: I loved reading this so much!! The transformation of Nina's self-esteem was incredible to read, and while I was rooting for Parker halfway through, I was very satisfied when Harrison and Nina finally got everything straight. The side characters were adorable - I especially loved Anna, Richel, Mic...
PaulSenkel: If you like Arthur C. Clarke's Odyssey, especially The Final Odyssey, then you will probably also enjoy this book. I definitely did.It does, however, address a more adolescent public than the above-mentioned book.I enjoyed the story and finished it in a few days. The overall situation on earth an...
LouiseJ2: I enjoyed the detail you went into with regards to the case. It made the UNSUB appear believable. The crisis in the middle of the story was my favorite part, very dramatic but not over the top. I feel like sometimes pairings can be overdone but I liked that some of the relationships were a little...
ernbelle: When I first started this story I was a little unsettled by all of the information that appears in the prologue, and wasn't sure if I would continue. However, I am very glad I did. The plot was very well thought out and really interesting. There were not any page breaks or markers to acknowledge ...
FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"
Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."