Chapter 12: Awakened (Part 2)
Somehow we had fallen into the same pattern of ignoring each other. I knew I should probably explain why I’d been acting the way I was, but I had no clue how to say what needed to be or even where to start. I was proud of who I used to be or the things I’d done. Now that I was aware of what I felt, I believe it best to stay away from her.
The small similarities she shared with them made me neurotic. I had to constantly remind myself that she wasn’t them and I no longer was the person I was with them. Still, I missed her like crazy and just wanted to be around her. It wouldn’t matter if we didn’t say a word to each the entire time, as long as I could sit alongside her and enjoy her presence.
A few times during these few days, I’d find myself sitting by my window hoping for just a glimpse of her. All I got were the dogs and although I was happy to see them, I was hurt that she was going to such lengths to avoid me. I knew she had questions and I respected the fact that she wasn’t pressing the issue, instead she was allowing me time to come to terms with whatever was bothering me and vice versa.
I don’t know what it was or why it even happened, but sometimes it felt like we knew when the other needed a break. It didn’t happen often, but the few times that it had I was grateful for.
Today felt different though. Today I wasn’t met with silence. I was met with the sound of rowdiness coming through my window. A small smile placed itself on my face as I grabbed my phone and dialled her number.
“Hello?” she answered almost immediately.
“Hey Minnie.” I sighed glad that she’d answered, but now I was nervous. Last time we talked over the phone I was hoping for rejection and trying to force myself to believe I only wanted her friendship. Now, something as simple as the way she answered the phone had me sweating. Even the raspiness of her voice had me weak in the knees. I had it bad and it was making me draw blanks on not only how to talk to her, but how to act with her too.
“It must be ten o’clock and you probably can hear the alarm. Sorry, but I don’t know how to turn it off anymore.” she joked allowing my brain to begin processing again.
“How about we take a shower, meet up and take them for their usual afternoon walk? We can even stop and get some lunch. My treat?” I offered my little way of apologizing. For a second it got quiet and my nerves only got worse. I was about to recant the offer when she finally spoke.
“Um...sure Mickey. That sounds like fun.” every inch of me nearly rejoiced, but I had to contain myself.
“”Want to meet back up in say...um...a little over an hour or so?” I asked, trying to remind myself that this was just two friends hanging out and no need to be nervous. If she said no that would be fine and I would understand. If she said yes that would be fine also and I’ll get ready.
“Sure.” she breathed and I melted. I could tell she was getting ready to hang up and I wasn’t quite ready to get off the phone just yet, even though I was going to see her in less than an hour.
“Wait!” I shouted and from her gasp I’d shocked both of us. I needed an excuse for the outburst and quick. “Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout. Just wanted to know if I could come and get Cocoon for a second.” it wasn’t too unbelievable and after what happened with Clarissa I wasn’t even sure she would agree, but it was the best I could come up with. When she didn’t say anything I continued on. “Let the boys get ready together for once. I even bought him some stuff. Well, I bought them all things, but he’s my boy.” Finally her beautiful laugh graced my ears and it was now that I felt this call had been worth it.
“Sure Mickey. I know that I can trust you.” There are no words to describe what I felt as her words floated to my ears. I was positive that my heart had stopped.
… … … … … … …
I understood why she talked to them. As I got ready with Cocoon by my side I couldn’t shut up about his mother. He was the first person that I confessed to because I knew he would keep my secret. I brushed the bit of dog hair off of my black jeans and tank top before finally putting on a white button up. Smiling, I grabbed the white tank top for dogs and put it on him.
“We look good, don’t we?” I laughed, deciding to just let my hair down for the day. “Now remember dude, the way I feel about mommy is our little secret. Okay?” he barked. “That’s my guy. Let’s go.”
As soon as we made it downstairs my mom burst into laughter as we walked past her.
“You and Maria need help, but I have to admit that’s cute.” She shook her head, still chuckling to herself.
“See Cocoon, even grandma thinks we look good.” I teased as she gasped. “I’m just playing mom.” I tried not to laugh as she swatted at me and I ran out the door. I knew she was hoping Maria would be the one for me after seeing how much I changed, and I didn’t want to disappoint her, but there was just too much in the way. I knew how I felt, but she made it clear how she felt also and there was nothing that I could do about it. Stopping in front of her door, I had to remind myself one last time to leave my feelings out of it and just be a friend. The best friend that I could be. “Okay son, let’s go see how beautiful mommy looks today.” I cooed, laughing as he barked in response. If he could talk I’d be screwed. “Minnie?!” I yelled, finally stepping inside and not liking the fact that the door was still open.
“I’m still upstairs! My hair is being stupid!” she yelled back, whining. I chuckled to myself before taking the stairs too at a time, my chain flopping against my chest. For a moment I stood there and watched as she struggled to curl her hair. The black pencil skirt she was wearing hugged her in all the right places. Her white blouse looked dull against the glowing beauty of her caramel skin. She was absolutely perfect and I was seeing more now than ever that I wouldn’t be deserving of her.
“Hello beautiful. I missed you.” I whispered, wrapping my arms around her, scaring her as I hugged her tight to me. All sense of precaution had gone out the window. Just as I was realizing what I was doing, she leaned back against me and I lost it again. I would give anything to be able to hold her like this all the time and never let go. I was smiling like an idiot at the reflection of us in the mirror. I loved how we looked together and I needed an excuse to get a few pictures of it, but right now my brain was too foggy to come up with an idea.
“I missed you too.” She sighed, relaxing more in my arms. I didn’t want to let her go, but I knew I had too. Still, I wondered just how much I could get away with and still call it friendly. Taking my chances I bent down and pressed my lips to her cheek before turning and going to sit on her bed. I had to put distance between us. With her curiosity she almost turned. Had she done so it would’ve been her lips I kissed instead. It was too tempting and the almost kiss was exciting.
“I told you Minnie, no matter how much time we spend apart we always seem to still think alike.” I tried to hide the crack in my tone as Butterfly and Caterpillar came back into the room and she finally finished both her hair and make-up. This was my excuse to pretend she was mine for pictures. “That’s it. Come on and sit down. This is too cute to pass up.” I grinned, patting the space next to me. As expected she was trying not to, but I didn’t care. This once I was going to fight for what I wanted.
“Please Minnie? Come on, we can make it like a family picture kind of thing.” I pouted having no issue with begging.
“Yeah, that would only work if we were actually a family.” she teased. I couldn’t help feeling the full sting of the joke. This kind of rejection was unexpected and had completely thrown me off, but I still had to try. It was harder to get what I wanted when I wasn’t pulling the charm, but if she had caught on to my feelings I wanted her to know they were a hundred percent genuine.
“Let’s just pretend. Nobody loves these dogs more than the two of us. We’ve all been together since they were pups and we have nothing to commemorate the time. So, let’s pretend and take a picture. You can be the mom, I’ll be the dad and of course they’ll be our babies.” My heart swelled as I spoke. She had no idea how true I wished my words were. I wanted her more than I deserved her and now that I was aware I knew it would be a constant battle. Still, that bracelet that stayed permanently around her wrist gave me hope that one day I’d have a chance.
“Fine.” She gave in before sitting next to me and putting the dogs on the bed with us. I couldn’t help the grin as I took out my phone and flipped the camera so that it was on us. I wasted no time wrapping my arm around her and pulling her close to me. I had found this moment to just pretend like she was more than just my bestfriend and I was loving it. Then, as if my fate, the perfect picture happened. She was blushing as she looked up at me. I couldn’t help it as I stared down at her. I took the picture. I didn’t have to look at it to know that it was the perfect picture. As soon as I got the chance I was going to print it, frame it and put it on my nightstand.
This moment could not have been more perfect.