Chapter 1: The Move (Part 1)
I stared out the window as we drove for what felt like endless miles. This wasn’t something that I wanted to be doing, but clearly I had no choice in the matter. I understood I had made their lives harder and they wanted to get away from it all. It’s no fun living in a place where everyone knows everyone and everything. To make it worse not even my mom could look me in the eye lately and I didn’t blame her. It has been hard to look myself in the mirror. Besides, I believed some part of her was blaming herself for all that had happened and I hated that. I didn’t even know who I was anymore and that wasn’t her fault. I had no idea who I was supposed to be, or what I expected from myself. How could she get through when my own conscience had gone silent. There was one thing we agreed on though; I just wasn’t her David anymore. He died with her that night and there was nothing anyone could do to bring him back; that much I knew.
“Son, this will be best for us.” sighed my dad briefly taking his eyes off of the road to turn to me in the backseat. He’d been doing that a lot since what happened. Making sure that I wasn’t snapped again. I shrugged as I just shook my head. “We all make mistakes Jr, but it’s what we do with the lessons we learn from those mistakes that qualifies towards how mature we become. That makes us different from the monsters who enjoy doing wrong. You’re already on the right track Jr to not being that monster you fear you are. You recognize the problem and you understand it. You didn’t enjoy hurting anyone, it was a bad mistake. Now you have to live with it and be better because it. Try to become the man that you want to be and not turn back into the boy you were. Your mom and I can guide you Jr, but it’s ultimately up to you to decide the final outcome; to walk down the correct road.”
“I want to be better dad. I want to be a better person...no a better man. I promise I will do my best to be better. No matter what it takes.” I spoke with shaky confidence as he smiled at me this time through the rearview mirror. I glanced over at my mom, but she wouldn’t look back. “I promise you mother I will be a son you can love again.” I choked out tears starting to fill my eyes. She still didn’t turn but she reached back to grasp my hand gently in hers. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I laid my head against it thankful for the small action. It was the first motherly thing I’d gotten from her in months.
“I’ll always love you sweetie, I just never want to have to find you like that again.” she cried finally looking at me. Her eyes were red and puffy from endless nights of crying over my body in the hospital. Was that why it was so hard for her to acknowledge me lately? Was seeing me like that all she saw when she looked at me? I hadn’t meant to hurt her again. I thought that I was making the best choice for us all. I thought I was getting rid of the problem for her.
“I deeply apologize mom. I never meant for it to be you.” I whispered, kissing her hand before sitting up and hugging it to my chest. “I never wanted it to be you who found me. I never wanted to do it in the house. I thought I had time to make it to the treehouse.” The car went silent again. It had become expected at this point that moment was something my parents felt we shouldn’t talk about. They wanted me to think that this move was because of what I did to Persephone, and that may be a part of it, but I know the truth. It’s because I overdosed and slit my wrist. It’s because I tried to kill myself… tried my damndest to make it so that I wouldn’t be saved and had my mother been just a few minutes later I would have succeeded.
That town would have gotten what they wanted and I’d finally be back with Natalie. I didn’t want to live in a world without my best-friend. In a world where people who’ve known me my whole life now hated me. I’d hurt too many people with my actions, and there was nothing that I could do to change the events that had led me up to that moment. The least I could do was give them what they wanted; but as always my mother saved me.
She always was my savior, even when she hated me the most.
… … … … … … … …
As we pulled up to the new place I wanted to groan. This neighborhood looked like it had no idea what the definition of a teenager was. I knew my parents had done it on purpose. It was also still early, barely the afternoon. Both of them still had to go into work. The only benefit of this move was that they were closer to their jobs, which means they’d have a better chance of keeping an eye on me. Usually they’d be gone for days at a time and I’d be lucky if I saw at least one parent throughout the week.
To make it worse, it was still at least a few weeks left of school, but I wasn’t allowed to start just yet. Instead I was to finish what was left online and hope that I’d been clear to go back for junior year. Still, I kept my mouth shut and helped to unload everything. I said good-bye to my parents before busying myself with unpacking as much as I could. Finally I headed to my room to set it up. It had taken me most of the day to finish it all and now I was more sure than ever I would be the only teenager who lived in this neighborhood.
Then I heard it.
I heard her laugh. It didn’t shock me that no one had come to say hello, it looked as if no one lived here. I was shocked to see that another teenager stayed here. Maybe I had prejudged this neighborhood for some reason. Quickly I walked over to my window and there she was in her backyard. I couldn’t see her face since her back was too me, but I was already mesmerized by the sound of her laugh. It sounded so freeing.
She was playing with dogs that I assumed was hers. Letting them chase her as she ran a few inches here and there. Then it happened. She turned around and I felt my chin hit the floor. She was a fucking goddess. There were no real words to truly capture how mesmerized I was by her right now. Even the best of adjectives didn’t come close to describing her beauty.
Her caramel skin glowed under the sunlight giving her features this ethereal glow to them. Her plump pink lips stretched over perfect teeth as a jovial sound escaped her. Her body was perfect from top to bottom as her clothes hugged her body like a second skin.
I smiled seeing that she was wearing the same black joggers and red tank top ensemble that I was. That was enough for me. I had to meet her, but I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t want to ruin the carefree nature that surrounded her. I didn’t want to be the one to break her and change the essence of who she was. I didn’t want to make her into someone she no longer would recognize. Besides, I had made promises not to keep on the same path and I was determined to keep.
Her laugh floated up to my ears again and I melted against the window frame. I couldn’t be her friend or anything more, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t enjoy the view from a distance.