Chapter 31: Big Bad Wolves (Part 1)
He laid there peacefully sleeping and I was freaking out. He’d done what he came here for and now all I wanted was for him to leave. I didn’t want to cuddle. I didn’t want him touching me anymore. I just wanted to be alone and finally get the rest I deserved. The sex was okay, but it wasn’t spending the night and changing all of my plans good.
I was getting irritated.
He always seemed to end up wanting more than I was willing to give. Feeding me a bunch of bullshit lines over how I was just hurt and acting out on it. He seemed confident when he said he could fix the parts of me someone had obviously broken, but he had no idea. He didn’t know the kind of past I was running from. He didn’t know that someone had already tried and only ended up hurting me further. He didn’t know that I was disgusting and wasn’t worthy of the kind of love I craved.
I deserved to be alone and for now that was how I wanted it.
I still couldn’t believe he’d come back after what I’d done, but maybe he knew he deserved it too. His lip was busted, but that didn’t stop him from eating me out. The black eye I’d given him was still prominent even in the dark. A part of me felt bad for unleashing so much fury on him, but a much bigger part no longer felt the need to scream.
Violence wasn’t the answer, but if it kept me sane for just a little longer it was worth it.
Six foot five. Olive skin. Long blond hair. Mostly wears it in a ponytail. Apparently a twin. A bit possessive. A little controlling. Reminded me a little too much of Dave sometimes, but not in the good way. I saw him go from calm to a crazed jealous freak in seconds.
On the good days he was so sweet, shy and easy enough to talk to. His tall stature came in handy when we’d go shopping together. Or on those rare occasions where the book I wanted at the bookstore was just a little too high on the shelves. A part of me, which hurts to admit, believed that I could recreate those memories I had with Dave and put Phoenix in his spot. I believed that it would help me not miss Dave so much, but I was wrong. He also had muscles, smaller than Dave’s, but still bigger than most of the guys in our year on campus and he definitely knew when to use them. The sex with him was wild and uncaring and definitely took my mind off of things. It was one of the few times that I didn’t compare the two. One of the few times where I didn’t feel the need too.
Something along the line changed though. The more we hung out and hooked up the more he began to change. An ex-hookup of mine tried to warn him how I was. Told him not to get too close to me and he just spazzed. You could hear all the commotion across the parking lot. He was yelling at him that he didn’t know what he was talking about while throwing punch after punch.
It was clear that he was filled with rage, but he contained it so easily I found myself constantly wondering when he would finally blow. Every time that he did, I never saw it coming. It was random and it scared the life out of me. On many occasions I found myself wondering if his canister of rage would blow up at me. I mean after all it wouldn’t be like I didn’t deserve it.
I deserved it and so much more.
Right now, sitting across from Dave, both of us continuously staring off into space and barely touching our food, I wondered the same thing. Would this beast of a man do to me what he did to her out of rage? Or am I safe with him no matter how pissed he gets? Why? What makes me different from her? What makes me the one he needs to protect from himself and not anyone else?
Such a small, innocent little being. A sweetheart always worrying about everyone else before herself.
Someone who didn’t understand to simply stay away from the bad guy. She was always too trusting. She was easy going and very confident in who she was. They warned her, they consistently tried to warn her to just stay away from the big bad wolf, but she just hadn’t listened.
She’d gotten hurt because of it. She got hurt because of me. I couldn’t control myself, I had really hit rock bottom and had it not been for all the summer school, night classes and online classes, I would’ve been two years behind my class.
As much as I wanted to believe that I was changed, I couldn’t deny that I enjoyed beating the shit out of Phoenix. I wasn’t stupid, I put two and two together. The reason for my jealousy and why I enjoyed it so much was sitting across from me staring at me as I stared at her. I’d give anything to know what she was thinking right now. Maybe she would finally see me for the monster that I am and make it that much easier to stay away from her. Or maybe she’d surprise me and reveal that she was an even bigger monster than I would ever believe she was capable of.
“So did you know everything before I told you and you were only humoring me as some kind of payback?” I spat finally ripping into half of my taco. I barely tasted the food I had put into my mouth as I felt my anger building again. I was pissed at the thought of her being with someone else, but I finally understood why she got so mad when she thought I’d been lying to her. It wasn’t a good feeling.
“Fuck you. I didn’t even know you two knew each other. Let alone the fact that he had a sister. He was just a quick fuck for me. I didn’t get close to him. I know how to distance myself now.” she snapped back as I clenched my fist. I didn’t want what I already knew confirmed. I just wanted to blame someone for something. “Oh, does little David not like the fact that he wasn’t the only one inside me? Like you said earlier, I had to find someone else that made me scream their name whilst I dug my nails into their back. I had to mark someone else while you were getting marked. We both were fucking other people get over it. Besides, I’m clearly not the person you thought I was.”
“You’re right, you’re a bitch.” I growled throwing my plate of food on her as she gasped. I smirked feeling good to have gotten that out of my system.
“What the fuck?! You are such a childish, lying, betraying, arrogant, woman abusing, egomaniac, narcissistic MURDERER!” She had thrown both her food and drink at me while she yelled. The words hadn’t shocked me, and from the looks of it she meant them. “I’m done Dave. So done this time. I go to anger management too you asshole, but I would never take it out on you. I have my own shit to deal with. Call me when you learn to get your shit together.” she snapped before getting up and leaving. I just sat there as more and more I realized we were a perfect match. I was right in some part. Her needing anger management meant she had a monster inside of her too. A part of me was intrigued and wanted to meet that little monster more than anything.
Slowly a smile formed as I looked down at myself covered in food. Even a year later and in the midst of an argument, we still dressed alike. She didn’t hesitate to give it right back to me as hard as I’d given it to her. I was more in love than I’d ever been before.
I wasn’t the lone wolf anymore, I had one right next door and she was just as big and bad as I was. She still wore the sign of our marking around her wrist as mine hung around my neck. We were perfect for each other.