I see the light that I’m chasin’, a memory, but it’s failin’
When it’s gone, I’ll be waitin’, knownin’ it’s too late
Change the road that I’m walkin’, now it’s your soul that I’m caught in
And you’re not hearin’ when I’m callin’, callin’ your name
One breath, one step, one life, one heart
Two words, two eyes, new begnnin’, new start
Too deep, too narrow, too short, too wide,
I’m better with you here by my side
What would you do? What would you say?
How does it feel? Pretend it’s OK
Little Mix’s words leave me broken as I sob under the fake waterfall. I’m up on a ledge that I’ve hidden on time and time again. My knees are pulled up into my chest as I try to forget today altogether. The water from the waterfall sticks to my skin as I shiver to the spot I’m sitting. Thomas’s pool may be heated but sitting outside of the water defeats the purpose. My fingers push back the strands of hair stuck to my face as I attempt to control my cries. At times, I’m yelling out in what feels like defeat.
After Carl left, I changed out of my clothes and into my dark teal bikini. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when I bought it; I probably had Thomas on my mind. But as I was leaving the bedroom, I could hear Carl and Thomas talking in the office. Their voices hushed due to the thickness of the damn solid wood door. But I wasn’t interested in knowing what they were talking about because I knew it was about me. I wanted to get away, and in a way, I did.
I had to force myself and keep telling myself that I couldn’t run from Thomas. If I ran away, I would have allowed Jamie to drive away someone I love. I shouldn’t have fuckin’ ran away from Valerie today if I would have just stayed.....god, and then there is Thomas, he knows. He called Carl. He fucking knows, and they’re talking. What if Thomas is telling him he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. What if all of this fucking drama is too much? Valerie shoved Jamie, Xayla nearly shoved her stilettos into the side of Jamie’s head.
Today was too much, with the side of all of us risking the possibility of being arrested.
Then there’s the media. I know there are photos, I know there are videos, I mean, people had their fucking phones out filming. It was like High School all over again. Everyone ignoring the girl calling out for help because they don’t want to get involved.
Laying my head across the tops of my knees, I cover my head with my arms and just sob out into the night. The crashing of the water carrying away my cries and making it seem like, once again, I’m invisible to the world.
I’m so lost that I don’t hear the break of the waterfall as someone slips under and joins me. It’s not until I feel Thomas’s large, soft hands at my calves, urging me to slide forward that I realize I’m no longer alone. Unfolding myself, I slide forward as Thomas walks between my legs. I immediately wrap my arms around the nape of his neck and hide my face into his shoulder, and cry.
Thomas’s hands wrap around my waist and pulls me off the little ledge and into the pool, and I cling onto him like he’s my life preserver.
“You’re okay,” he whispers into the side of my head. “Shh, it’s okay, babydoll. You’re safe.”
I hold onto Thomas like it’s my last chance of being saved. If I let go, that’s it; the vortex I’m stuck in will suck me under, and I’ll disappear forever.
When I pull out of Thomas’s shoulder, I’m met by fierce, piercing green eyes that can see every inch of me, and there isn’t an ounce of judgment behind them. And it’s then that I realize he accepts me for me. All of me. No matter the fuck-upness my life has held, he accepts me.
My lips instantly meet his in a desperate and pleading kiss before it becomes chaotic and sloppy. Everything becomes a blur as the fire in the pit of my stomach surges from the need and connection.
“Babydoll,” Thomas says against our broken kisses, “we really need to talk.”
And I don’t want to talk. Not when all I want is him, and instead of getting what he wants, I start to trail kisses down Thomas’s neck. The sweet taste of his sweat mixed with the moisture of the pool water is divine. His hand slides up my back to the string of my top, and I feel the material give way. Pulling the top over my head, I throw it into the water and immediately reconnect our lips.
Thomas growls against my lips before taking my lower lip between his teeth and biting down, “Fuck it.”
Walking with me wrapped around his waist, Thomas walks us under the waterfall and lingers under it to allow the water to fall around us. I squeal out in laughter as the warm water washes over us. Still, as soon as he moves from under the fixture, the chill in the air turns my nipples into hardened peaks, and I can’t help but press them into Thomas’s chest.
As soon as Thomas steps over the threshold of the doorway, I’m pinned against the wall. My legs wrapping around his mid-section tighter with the fierceness of his lips. I feel my core tightening up in anticipation with the pressure building between my legs. I’m an eager nerve of sexual need, and Thomas seems determined to draw this out as long as possible.
Pulling on his hair, I pull him away from my mouth. A devilish grin dances across his face as he licks his lips with that knowing look, “Thomas.” I moan out his name as I arch my back up off the wall, forcing my breast up. I know what that does to him, and I know this will make him jump twenty steps ahead of the foreplay.
He forces me to unroll my legs from his waist, leaving me standing in front of him as he lowers his forehead to mine. His fingers trailing up my arm before they start to circle around my nipple. Biting my lip, I moan out with the teasing movements until he takes the pleasure away. My skin ignites in goosebumps as the tips of his fingers trials past my belly button and slips inside the bottoms of my bikini. His hand cups me as I feel a finger slide through my slickness, and he starts to tease me with slow sensual circles.
“Hmm, you’re already wet for me, babydoll. What do you want? Me to take control?” I bite my lip as I weakly nod my head yes. My legs are starting to tremble with the building anticipation. Inserting two fingers deep into me, “That’s not an answer.” I cry out as I nearly collapse to the ground, but Thomas catches me and keeps me upright as my fingers grip his forearms tightly.
“Yes!” I scream out with each pump of his fingers. The strokes sending my nerve endings on fire as he hits every sensitive spot fucking imaginable.
Withdrawing his fingers, I let out a whimper as he takes away my orgasm. A smile graces his face knowing what he’s doing to me. Taking hold of my hands, Thomas leads me down the hall and to our bedroom and straight into the bathroom. Flipping the water to the shower on, he slowly kneels down in front of me. His hands at my hips as he slowly rolls down my bikini bottoms down to the floor and slowly and torturously starts trailing kisses up the apex of my thighs. My balance falters as my hand shoots into his hair for added balance.
Forcing my legs apart, his hands cup my ass and forces my front to his mouth. His tongue flicks across my clit, sending leg trembling spasms through my body. My core immediately tightens as I moan out. My fingers tangling and pulling at the roots of Thomas’s soft hair.
The way that his tongue feels is sending my mind into another dimension, and the pressure is building fast. I’m trying to fight off my orgasm because I don’t want this to end. But Thomas has other ideas. The control that I once possessed he now holds.
“Babydoll,” he purrs against my flesh and sending my toes to curl into the soft bathroom rug. “Come.”
His tongue flicks across my overly sensitive bundle of nerves as I fight to find some stability by gripping Thomas’s hair tight. But his demand sends me over the edge. “Oh, god. THOMAS!” I cry out as I come undone.
My chest is heaving as I attempt to catch my breath and stable my legs back under me. I watch Thomas rise in front of me; he is stark ass naked and primed and ready to go. He slowly wipes his thump along the bottom of his lip before tracing it along my lips. Coating my lips in my own slickness, and I can’t help but lick my lips, getting a taste of myself.
Growling out, Thomas backs me into the glass shower panel, and the force behind his kiss nearly sends me exploding again. The energy simmering between us has a newfound power supply with each stroke of his tongue against mine.
“God, you taste so good,” He hums against the skin of my neck as he starts to kiss, suck and nip at the sensitive skin.
I can’t help but moan out as he’s priming me for another round. Reaching between us, I take hold of his large shaft and start to work him slowly. The growl leaving his lips vibrates against my skin, and I’m immediately backed into the shower. The water feels like heaven as it cascades around our bodies.
Thomas’s hand slips around my belly, forcing me to face away from him as he pulls me into his front. “Place her hands on the shower wall.” He commands, and I eagerly obey. He forces me to arch my back as he positions behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I can’t help but watch Thomas admire my body, and I can’t help but admire his. His biceps, his abs, every inch of his muscles flexing under the water is causing my mouth to water.
Giving me his cocky and knowing smile, he suddenly spins me around and sits down on the in-shower bench. He urges me to straddle over him, and I slowly lower myself onto him. My walls tightening around him as I slowly start to move up and down.
This level of connection between us is something new and has never been felt before. Sex between us can be very fast-paced and chaotic. Sure, we have the vanilla and sweet sensual moments, but this feels so different—a good different.
With each rise and fall along his shaft, my nails start to dig into his shoulder blades as the pressure in my core builds. I’m afraid that this is all, once again, a dream. I can feel tears of panic starting to rise, and as Thomas presses his forehead to mine, I know he can sense my emotions. I wanted him to be rough and controlling to force me to focus on something other than what today has been. Not this whole intimate and new level of connection because looking into his bright and loving green eyes is forcing me to face what I just want to hide from.
“Ryann,” he whisper-moans, his hand cups my cheek. “You’re safe.” He tells me again. “I believe you.” His words are nearly my undoing. Pulling our lips together, I feel everything deep inside tighten, and with one last final rise and fall, we come. Together and in unison. Our names groaned out in a mixture of heat, passion, and love.
My emotions are all over the place, and before I can stop myself, I break down again. Clashing into Thomas’s neck as I hold onto him. The tips of my fingers brushing against the smooth cut of his hair.
“Hey, babydoll, look at me. Why are you crying?” He urges me to look at him, but my grip tightens as I bury my face deeper into the crock of his neck. I’m mortified that I’m crying after sex, and the nagging little voice is telling me with how sensual everything between us was, this may be goodbye. “Ryann, this wasn’t pity or goodbye sex. Is that what you thought this was?”
Thomas physically pulls me from his neck, his fingers resting gently under my chin as he forces me to look into his piercing green eyes. I can feel the panic and fear coursing in his veins. I know he’s afraid that once we drift off to sleep tonight, I won’t be laying next to him when he wakes. That I’ll be gone.
“I don’t care about your past, Ryann. You should know that. I’m proud of you. So fucking proud of you.” He says with admiration. “And I’m not going anywhere, and you’re sure as hell not going anywhere. We are in this together, Ryann. I’m all in. Are you?”
My heart goes into palpation mode with each word he’s speaking. He really doesn’t care. Thomas wasn’t acting when he held me in the pool; he’s all in. With me. But am I? I can’t let Thomas get dragged into what I’m sure will be a media frenzy. I’ve already allowed Xayla and Valerie; I can’t let Thomas’s name be ruined because of me.
“Don’t do that,” He warns as he forces me to look at him again. “I know what you’re thinking.”
Shaking my head, “No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. You’re going to tell me that you aren’t in. Then you’re going to come up with some sort of bullshit excuse.....” He breaks his sentence off, forcing himself to take a deep breath. The water around us is starting to become icy cold, but with Thomas holding me, it feels like there is enough heat between us to light a fire. “Ryann, I....I-I’m in love with you. And I’m not trying to guilt you into staying with me. If you want to leave, you can leave, but I do, Ryann. Your past will never change how I feel towards you, and I don’t care what trial and tribulations we go through; I will always love you.”
I gape at Thomas, unsure if what I heard is wishful thinking on my part. My heart is hammering into my ears, and I swear the butterflies in my stomach are about to escape.
“You...you love me?”
I watch the corners of Thomas’s mouth twerk into a slight and nervous smile, “That night you stayed with me in the hospital is when I knew. I knew who you were the first day you started, but I was too scared to say anything in fear that you’d quit. But in the hospital, I was afraid of losing you when I pissed you off. I thought if I called you babydoll, that you’d realize I remembered you.”
Tears of happiness cascade down my face, “I-I thought you called every woman that.”
Shaking his head, he cups my cheek with his hand, and I lean into his touch. “Babydoll, you’re it.”
Nearly knocking us back into the shower wall, my lips collide with Thomas’s, and my body ignites into a hot desire of pure love with each stroke of his tongue. Finally, I pull away and rest my forehead to his. “I love you.”
This pull between us, as much as I want to pull against it some days, it’s unbreakable. If I ran, Thomas would find me, and I would want him to find me. It would be just like New York. I’d flee to a place where only would know where to look.
But I’m not going to run, not today or ever again.