Is it physically possible to feel so empty but at the same time be filled with so much love? Those are the conflicting emotions I’m dealing with and so much more. My stomach is in knots of despair, but my heart is whole.
So fucking whole that nothing else seems to matter.
But then there is the catastrophic storm that I’m going to have to deal with. Jamie came to Cali and physically had me cornered against a wall, and not only did I freeze up like a submissive, but he’s talking to the press. Exposing every inch of my past to anyone who’d shove a microphone in front of his punch-able face and giving him his ten minutes of fame.
One addict, two addicts.....inside the toxic work environment
Ryann Anderson’s ulterior motives
Get the scoop on the past of Thomas Copeland’s assistant
Back to Colfax. Hear from the town who knew Ryann best.
God, the last headline made me want to vomit. I broke my number one rule when I woke up today. I turned on the television and flipped from one gossip-shitter to the next. Each opener, worse than the last. Until I came across a recording from Allison Drake’s show. No photos or videos. It’s just her sitting at her desk with a desperate-serious-passionate look about her. You can see the rage behind her eyes and the passion as she talks with her hands. She’s clearly upset. But I think what has me puzzled the most is, why?
Why would she be so passionate when something like this has always happened to women. I’m not the first to be stalked and backed into a corner. I’m not the first to seek comfort in pills or was given a drink filled with drugs. And I’m not the first woman to be raped, and sadly, I won’t be the last. Jamie was right about one thing. I’m a lost fucking number.
I’ve been encouraged by Up Entertainment executives to show the video involving the assault on Thomas Copeland’s assistant, Ryann Anderson. But I will not stoop down to the level that my fellow entertainment anchors have chosen to cover. Coverage that honestly is degrading, shameful, terrifying, and disturbing. We should not as a society stoop so low to brandish someone’s past for cheap ratings. We are supposed to stand behind fellow women who are survivors of any type of assault, not shame them. What happened earlier today was done at the hands of a manipulator who no longer has control over one of his victims. And since we, as a society, deem it necessary to shame the victim, I’m taking a step in the much-needed and opposite direction.
Allison flips her tablet upside down before she slides her cellphone from under the desk she’s sitting at, and I watch as her pale pink polished nails tap across the screen of the device. Crawling to the edge of the bed, I climb onto the soft rolled arm bench in front of me and Thomas’s bed and pull my large teal blanket around me like a cocoon. I’m not sure what Allison dug up on Jamie, but it can’t be good. When she attacks, she goes for the kill shot, the jugular. And Allison’s claws are out for blood.
Jamie Eugene Maddox – judge me all you want; I went there.
Colfax, Indiana’s golden-boy who, took the local High School to State. Congratulations, that must have been some accomplishment for you to achieved with a TEAM! News flash! That is your only accomplishment. If you want to even count that as an achievement. Most athletic stars continue their careers into College, not drop out after their first semester.
Ohh, wait, or are you confusing dropping out to being kicked out? Yea, that’s right. Jamie was kicked out of IU after a complaint was filed not by one but four different women stating they were given spiked drinks. Two out of the four women said they woke in an unfamiliar area with bruises and abrasions. They were taken to an area hospital where a rape kit was conducted. Charges were brought up against Jamie Maddox. And with the right amount of money, he was only given probation and paid a steep fine.
Nothing a little money can’t wash away, right? Have mommy and daddy throw a little green to make a sexual assault and rape charge disappear. Is this the kind of world we live in? Where we condone these violent acts against women? Where we victim shame? Not one of these women deserved what happened. It doesn’t matter if they were dating Jamie, or that they were at a party, or what they were wearing. It should NOT have happened, and Jamie SHOULD have been HELD responsible.
I watch as Allison forces herself to stop and takes slow and deep calculated breaths in and out. Her composure is raw as she speaks from the heart and tells the truth. My truth. Something that does not happen in my life. At least, not often.
We are taught at a young age, as women, that we have to watch what we say, what we wear. That we don’t want to give off the wrong impressions or signals. Well, the wrong impression to whom? To men like Jamie Maddox? A privileged man who still needs mommy and daddy to bail him out of a legal situation. No, that’s not how this should work. We, as women, are not responsible for what goes through sick and demented minds. We sure as hell do not need to fit into a mold that society has deemed appropriate for our safety. If you, as a society, want to take women’s safety seriously, then stop letting men like Jamie off with a slap on the wrist or wiping their records clean.
For those who want to know the facts and truth, I’ll give them to you because fellow outlets seem to only be focused on Ryann’s past and how troubled she was. We all have a history, and it’s whether or not we let that past define us. Ryann has not. She made a change and washed her hands of those toxic relationships she had. Ryann has conquered so much, and we should be lifting her up, not trying to break her back down. This isn’t some damn reality show, this is real life, and we as a society should be sickened with the likes of Jamie Maddox.
So, here is a little rundown for Mr. Maddox. A heart to heart if you’d like. Jamie, you came out to LA to attempt a kidnapping, and god knows what else. You were told to leave by more than one person. You were told not to touch her, but that didn’t stop you. You threatened harm to Ryann. I watched the footage, and let me tell you something, Jamie Maddox, and she is not a lost number. None of your victims are, and they are coming out in droves.
And here is another little bit of advice for you. We, as women, are not responsible because you, Jamie, are unable to control your thoughts and urges. We, as women, do not owe men like you a single favor. We are humans too, and not the mud under your damn shoes. If anything, you’re the mud under our shoes.
I wrap my blanket around me tighter, tears streaming down my face. She.... Allison believes me. She’s defending me, and like everyone else around me here in Cali, she’s not afraid of Jamie. Allison’s not buying into his bullshit good-boy persona. She sees straight through it and has obliterated it on national television.
Looking back up at the television on the bedroom wall, Allison is staring deep into the camera. Making me feel like she’s standing in front of me and talking with me. My heart is in my throat because I have no clue what more she’d have to say publicly.
I know you don’t watch my show or any of these entertainment shows, and I don’t blame you. But if you do happen to watch, I want you to know that I’m with you. That you do have fellow supporters. They may not voice it loud like me, but we’re with you. Do not let this egomaniac bring you down. You are strong, and you are surrounded by people who love, support you, and will always lift you up in your time of need.
Allison gets up from her chair, pocketing her cellphone into a pocket of her black sleek dress pants. The camera zooms in on her face as Allison pauses for a brief moment, and her eyes are looking down at what I’m assuming is the back of the tablet on her desk, and she seems deep in thought. Snapping her attention back to the camera, I watch her lips purse with a sudden rage and determination that can be felt through the television.
As anyone who’s been following the ongoing battle with Ralph Martin, knows I’m passionate in seeking justice for women of sexual assault and/or violent crimes. What happened earlier today is a prime example of what I’m fighting to stop.
With that being said, I’m stepping down from Up Entertainment to focus on my true passion and to be a voice when others need one and have no one in their corner. I want to thank everyone at Up Entertainment for giving me this platform to speak freely and cover the entertainment news how I see it should, with the truth. And I want to thank my fans for following my stories, and I hope you continue to do so, and I hope you continue to think outside the box when you know something isn’t right. Don’t be afraid to speak up because it might be the hardest thing for you, but it could be the difference you make in someone’s life, someone who may be struggling and barely staying afloat. Also, remember, emotions are like mirages. We allow people to see what we want them to see.
Allison ends her show by walking off the stage, and the camera pans to her empty chair longer than expected before the show suddenly cuts to a commercial. It’s then that I realize that was the opening of her show. She just quit, and I don’t know if that was preplanned or spur of the moment. And I’m sitting struck and staring at the television screen, trying to comprehend everything I just watched.
Because if I’m being honest, I have no idea what just happened. I was just defended on national television, where millions upon millions view Allison’s show. My past was exposed, but so was Jamie’s character. As horrible as this may sound, I hope his world comes crashing down and explodes around him.