How is it possible to be someone who goes from having sex with anything that walks, to go practically celibate? Not even alcohol could get Ryann out of my mind when I was fooling around with other women. It started affecting my libido. Don’t get me wrong, I was fucking horny. That is the fucked-up part. But I was only fucking horny for Ryann. It seemed like once my dick realized I was about to fuck someone who wasn’t her, instant softness.
And instant mood killer. On so many levels.
I’ve never slept so soundly in my life either. Laying with Ryann in my arms, it feels like this hole in my soul is finally healing. The blackness that’s been trying to consume my life, turning to bright warm white light. It’s like I can finally see the light at the end of the never-ending fucking tunnel, and it’s Ryann. It’s been her. From the first moment we met, I knew she was unique. She’s not like anyone I’ve ever met before.
Last night was...there aren’t words to describe last night. I could tell she wanted to run in the theater, but she didn’t. She fought against it. She held my hand the entire time. I could feel the excitement and enjoyment rolling off her as the show went on. Even going backstage to meet the cast. She was like a kid at Christmas. I don’t think she’s ever had anyone do something like this for her before. I loved seeing the smiling and enjoyment on her face. She even sang with one of the actors on stage. Ryann’s voice was angelic, even the actor was stunned and in awe of Ryann’s alluring, feathery voice. Ryann was even invited back to join them on stage for a show.
Then there was the sex, my god. If I knew what sex would feel like with her, I’d stay a virgin just to have her as my only. The felt of her, the way she looked at me, the way she called out my name. All of it. It was a new cosmic level that I’ve never been on before.
Now, I’m watching her sleep. My hand, running through her soft auburn hair as she lays next to me, naked. I’m not even sure what time we went to bed last night. We didn’t just have sex last night. We talked, had more sex, talked some more, and had even more sex. And add eating somewhere between the talking and more sex.
Ryann explained why she left. I was blown away when one of the reasons was for me – to see that I needed to seek out my sobriety and figure out my life. She wasn’t wrong. Her leaving the way she did was the wake-up call I needed. I told her about my sobriety. That I haven’t touched a drink in almost six weeks. I didn’t lie to her, I did admit that there were a couple of close days and nights, but Andrew has been guiding me. And if this doesn’t work, or if Andrew feels I need to go to rehab, I’ll go. My admission made Ryann cry. She seemed genuinely proud of me. And the bright smile on her face confirmed why I’m doing this. Not only for me but for her too.
She also explained how she got here. How Val helped her and met her here. She slept the first night in the airport, waiting for Val to arrive. After that, they’ve been hopping from apartment to apartment. Staying with family and friends of Val until this week when they decided to stay at a hotel in New York. Val is ready to get back to Cali. And Ryann was grappling with either returning to California, Indiana, or finding someplace new to live. But now, she’s flying back with me. Staying on as my assistant and as trivial as this sounds, my girlfriend.
She wants to keep it on the down-low and away from the media. She said to let them continue to speculate. But for now, she doesn’t want her family to know. Not until she can tell them when everything winds down between her and her family. I guess she’s still dealing with the fact her dad gave Jamie her cell number, and it seems to be causing a rift of trust within her family. She’s told her mom a lie on how the press kept getting ahold of her number, and Max doesn’t believe her. Even calling her out on her lie. The argument between the two got so heated, Val ended up taking the phone from her and giving Max her honest opinion.
And one day, Max will hear my honest opinion.
I’m happy she’s finally doing something for herself. That she’s taking a stand and not really caving to the demands from her father or sister. But she’s also not talking directly to them. From what I’ve noticed, when she does talk with them, she’ll take so much before shutting down and creating this small isolation. But it also feels like Ryann isn’t telling me the whole truth. She wants to, but from the look in her eyes, she’s afraid.
The problem, I don’t want her to be afraid to tell me whatever it is she’s hiding. I want her to feel like she can be open with me. I know I can be an asshole and a dick at times, but whatever she has to tell me, it’s not going to change my opinion of her. Nothing could.
Leaning over her beautiful sleeping body, I start to trail kisses along her shoulder as I wrap an arm around her, pulling her into my chest. Her hand lacing with mine at her stomach as she hums. “Good morning.”
“Good morning, beautiful,” I whisper against her skin. “How did you sleep?”
“Like a rock. How did you sleep?” She asks as she cranes her head back and places a peck on the stubble of my chin.
Repeating her words, “Like a rock. Now I’m wide awake.” I tease as I cup her breast with my hand and start massaging. Toying with her nipple, her back arches into me as she moans out.
“I can tell,” She moans. I feel Ryann’s hand reach around and takes hold of my cock. She starts to pump me, and my god. I’m ready to devour her all over again. “Do we have any condoms left?” I freeze because I’m pretty sure we’re out. It’s not like I packed an entire box of condoms. I wasn’t really sure what this trip would entail. Sex, sure. That’s always a possibility between Ryann and me. That or severe blue balls. But the amount that we’ve had in a less than twelve-hour span, not what I was expecting.
Ryann rolls in my arms, facing me, and places a lingering kiss to my lips. Our tongues dancing, in a possessive need that neither one of us want to let go of. “I’m not sure oral is gonna be enough until we get back to California.” She says against my lips.
Humming my arousal to her words, “I can run out and get some.” She laughs because that’s a shit idea. I’d be delayed for sure.
“I have an IUD,” She tells me, “And I’m clean.” She purrs as she pushes me to my back. She continues to pump my cock. Her method is killing me with the slow and fast pace she’s doing.
“Are you sure?” Because the last thing I want her to do is to regret her decision.
Sitting up, she swings her legs over me and slowly lowers herself onto me. Her head rocking back, taking a moment to allow herself to adjust to the intrusion. After a moment, her hazel eyes are hooded and laced with lust, “Does this answer your question?”
Fucking yes it does. “You’re a unique woman.” Ryann smiles as she starts to rise up and down. My hands at her hips as I encourage her. With the way she worked my dick with her hand, I won’t last long. Not to mention, I’m deep inside her, bare. I’ve never done this with a woman before. “Fuuck, don’t stop.”
“Oh, god, Thomas,” she moans out. She’s close. I know any moment, she’ll come. Finding her clit, I feel her tightening around me, “Fuck, oh my god, don’t stop. Shit.” She moans out. Well, nearly screams.
With one last swipe across her clit she swivels her hips and cries out. Her body tightening around me as I pull her down to me. Our lips connecting as I groan out and spill deep inside her. Her walls milking every last inch of my cock.
Ryann collapses on top of me, her breathing heavy. Brushing away the hair from her face, I urge her to look up. Her hazel eyes are wide, beautiful, and satiated – it feels like I’m dreaming. This shouldn’t be real. Her, here with me. Like this. How is this possible?
Ryann lets out the softest and cutest giggle, “What? Do I have something on my face?”
“No, I can’t believe this is real.”
Leaning in, she places a soft kiss on my lips, and I hold her to me. Capturing this moment forever. I need to remember this moment, all of it. I can feel Ryann’s lips twist into a smile against mine before breaking out into laughter, “I promise you; this is very much real.” She says against my lips before pulling away. I watch her smile fall slightly, “Thomas, how are we going to hide, us, from Pearl?”
The one person never mentioned during our talk last night, “Pearl who?”
She smacks my chest gently as she rolls off me. Turning on her side, she props her head up on a hand. “Seriously, she comes over unannounced. She’s doing it more and more, and we’re going to get caught. She already hates me. I’m sure I’m beyond fired when I get back.”
Draping an arm around her hip, I pull her closer, “Babydoll, you have a job. I wouldn’t let her fill your’s or Val’s positions. Though, I’d just rehired Val under me.” I tell her as my fingers glide up and down her back, “But, I’ll get the spare keys back from her. And set new guidelines.”
She bites her lower lip, driving me insane, but I know it’s from worry, “I don’t want to create any issues between you and Pearl. I know she’s like family.”
I can’t help but laugh. Ryann doesn’t seem surprised by this reaction, but she’s watching me closely, “She’s not family. Not to me.”
She arches a brow, “She sure seems to think so.”
Pearl sure seems to think a lot. She seems to think she’s entitled to something that doesn’t belong to her. One of the many reasons why I carry it around with me at all times - it’s in my wallet. In a safe compartment that I had designed into the wallet. I’m not stupid. Even drunk, I could see what she was doing. But like I’ve said before, she fueled an addiction and gave me whatever I demanded. I didn’t care. I allowed her behavior to escalate to what it is today. I’ve allowed a lot in my life to kinda spiral out. But not now, I’m in control. And her duties will be severely restricted until I can officially fire her and Dax. They’re a toxic team and need to go.
“I assure you, she’s not. My mom never liked her.” I admit to her. “She was more friends with my dad if you want to call it that.”
I watch her eyes go wide. I knew she’d be able to read between the lines.
“I’m sorry,” she says softly, “Does she know you know?”
I shrug, “Does it matter?”
Ryann frowns slightly, “Have you talked to Andrew about this?” I shake my head, “Thomas, I’m concerned that if you don’t confront this...”
“It wouldn’t make a difference, Ryann. My mom is dead. It’s not going to bring her back.”
She slides closer to me, practically bringing herself nose to nose with me, “It won’t. You’re not wrong, but it may give you some closer that you don’t have. Because I’m afraid if you keep avoiding this truth, eventually it will crush you.”
Giving her a tight smile, “I don’t want to talk about it with Andrew.” I tell her.
“Okay, that’s fine. You don’t have to talk about it with Andrew. There are other peo...”
Cutting her off, “I want to talk to you about it. Not now, but when I’m ready.”
I’m afraid to even look at her when I blurted this truth out. I’m not sure what she’ll say. If she’ll tell me I’m crazy or that I really need to talk to a professional. Even if I talked to a therapist or someone other than Andrew, I don’t think I can. I don’t share personal information like this with just anyone. Hell, I’ve never told Val or Xayla what I suspected. I won’t be able to share with some stranger.
She reaches for my cheek, her fingers brushing across my stubble, “Okay. Thomas, you know you can talk to me about anything.”
Drawing her closer, our lips brushing, “I know, babydoll.”
And this simple quality is one of the many reasons why I’m in love with her.