Never in a million years did I ever think I'd find myself in this position: feeling lost, scared, alone, vulnerable, trapped.
It was almost funny really – that the man I loved and cared so much for could tear me down after playing a huge part in building me up. He spent ages working his way into my life, just so he could strip most of it away.
I shouldn't have let him have that power over me.
But I couldn't do anything about it now. He was gone and so was I.
The woman I was before was lone gone. The woman everyone knew and loved was long gone. And what was left behind was a living and breathing being, but with an empty soul, heart and mind and almost no ability to function.
All because I let a man into my life and fuck everything up.
A knock at my door tears me out of my thoughts as I continue to stare outside of my window.
Ripping my eyes away, I look over to see my cheerful substitute nurse smiling at me from the door frame. "Ella, it's time to take your medication," She says, "and after, I'll take you down for visitation. You have a visitor today."
Every day since filling in for my usual nurse, she'd have the same annoying smile on her face. And every day she'd say the same damn thing. Nothing about my daily routine was any different.
I nod and look away from her, returning my attention to the world outside. She takes that as an invite to walk into the room with her trolley full of medication for different patients. She lifts my tray off of it and sets it on the desk opposite me, gathering all of my pills out of their separate containers. One by one she helps me swallow them all with water.
She then puts my tray back on her trolley just as another nurse comes to roll it away. Helping me out of my chair (not that I needed it), she walks me down the hall to the visitation centre.
As we walked down in silence, I wondered who my visitor would be today. Despite the fact that we've been best friends since high school, I hadn't seen Gwen in a few weeks. She'd promised to visit me every day, but that soon became every couple of weeks since she's become busy with work. Liam and Eleanor only came around every once in a while, since they were much too preoccupied with being everyone's couple goals to come see me. Alessia, Margot, and Mia came every weekend and filled me in on what life was like on the outside.
But for five out of seven days a week I was alone, left to drown in my own miserable thoughts and avoid driving myself insane.
And as for Leo? He left Los Angeles and didn't tell a soul where he was going. I didn't mind him being gone anyway; it was best if I didn't see him.
I didn't want to.
I didn't want to have to face him and have all of our memories together come rushing back alongside him. The pain, the suffering, the hurting, the loving, the breaking. Everything.
Those continuous waves of emotions put me through hell and back, much like he did. My demons had just finished taunting me since I put distance between us, and Leo would be the trigger of their return if I ever saw his face again.
My substitute nurse sat me down in a chair in the visitation centre, leaving me to wonder who my visitor could be.
I bit my lip and fidgeted with my fingers as I waited; an anxious habit I'd become drawn to not long after meeting Leo.
Finally, after hearing the chair on the other side of the table drag across the floor, my visitor takes their seat. In one swift movement, I look up to meet Leo's gaze; a smirk plastered on his plump lips.
Suddenly everything I fought hard to subdue came rushing back to the surface. It was all back in that moment when my eyes locked with his.
"Hello sweetheart." He chuckled, his unmistakable sadistic smile turning up on his lips
But all I could see was red.
With every ounce of feeling within me I lurched at him from across the table, clawing and thrashing at his perfect skin. Though surprised at my sudden attack, he tried to fend me off as best he could but was rendered unsuccessful.
But all too quickly the nurses in the visitation centre were on me, trying to get me off of Leo as fast as they could to sedate me. As soon as I felt that sedative needle go into my arm, I felt my body stop struggling against the multiple limbs reaching for me and everything went black.