NEW LIFE?
“THERE LIES A CLOSE LINE BETWEEN HATE AND LOVE SIMILARLY THERE LIES A CLOSE LINE BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH”
“But Mia! ur mother would be happy if u live if u fight. U r her fighter remember?”
But no I can’t take it anymore. No one wants me
“it is ur life, Mia. No one will help u .. u have to help yourself“
And the words of my mom from the death of my aunt replay. I still remember I asked her how was she doing? And she said that “my dear!it hurts. But it is not going to last forever. Yeah, it hurts that our near and dear one is gone but it is LIFE. People come to this world and they have to go one day. Life does not stop just because we have lost a person very close. We can’t make it stop. Coz life is all about going on. It depends on us whether we want this life to stop or not. So dear we should not lose hope. Day comes after night. After darkness comes light. If u want to see the light then u will have to pass through the darkness. For this, u will have to keep going. Don’t underestimate life. Everything is not what it seems dear. U may dislike a thing but maybe there would be so good for u in that thing. So u will have to keep on navigating.” and saying this she kept on doing her work.
It is as if my subconscious, my brain, and my mother's words were fighting against each other. Yeah, there all many paths. Everything may look the same. All may look as if they are right. Even when u r doing wrong. You have to decide what is right and what is wrong. IT'S YOUR LIFE.
Mia!!no regrets!! Wasn’t this the motto of your life?
And as the last words of my mom replay in my mind, I open my eyes. It is as if I got extra energy. Immediately my fight or flight response kicks in and I EMERGE.
I EMERGE. For my mom. For my family. For me!!
It is as if I got a new life. A new beginning. As I think more about it, am I this much selfish that I was going to leave my other family members in this critical situation just because of my selfishness? Was I this selfish to fade my sister’s giggle by imposing more burden on them? Was I this selfish that I did not even think about my brother?? And what about dad mia??
_ MK
Replaying all those scenes, I finally came to the result that it’s the end. The end of her. The end of this life. The END OF ME. I can’t take it anymore.
Too deep in my thoughts I did not notice that I had already reached the end of the mountain. Crazy right? It is the same as I did not know how did I come to this point in my life. Why would God test us? Why would God test our patience? When he knows that we can’t take it?? I can’t take it!! Does he also want me to die like all other ppl? It would definitely be the case. Otherwise, why would he test me this much all while knowing I can’t take it?
It hurts I can’t take it and I can’t say it coz I don’t have anyone anymore. The person I loved the most is gone, the ppl I trusted betrayed me. Everyone is not what I thought they are.
Wasn’t I popular? I was. Then why isn’t anyone with me right now when I need them the most at this time ?? why?? It's all unknown faces. All are unknown numbers. I can’t call anyone. Whoever talks with me they pity me. Their eyes say it all. The people at the funeral pitied me coz I lost my mother. The people at school pity me coz of That douche and my best friend and now my mother.
I can see it all in their eyes, they pity me. I can’t walk in the hallways without the urge to throw up. But whenever I go to ladies nothing comes out. Coz there’s nothing left. Nothing is left in me. Nothing is left in my soul. At this point, these tears have also stopped. As if there’s no more life in my tear ducts too.
So I have the last choice now right? One step forward or backward. It will determine my life. Funny right? we spend our life so engrossed in our world, partying, fun and all but we don’t even know what we are doing. We struggle so much in our life but it is just one step that changes our life permanently. We don’t even know what is coming. It took just one moment to shatter my world. Just one moment.
I can’t take it. So I decide to take one step forward.
So I have the last choice now right? One step forward or backward. It will determine my life. Funny right? we spend our life so engrossed in our world, partying, fun and all but we don’t even know what we are doing. We struggle so much in our life but it is just one step that changes our life permanently. We don’t even know what is coming. It took just one moment to shatter my world. Just one moment.
I can’t take it. So I decide to take one step forward.
What more damage could be done? So let’s say bye to this world to this life. Bye world! And hello mom!
All the memories of my mother, my family my life, parties, my achievements playing in front of me, I jump!!!
All the memories of my mother, my family my life, parties, my achievements playing in front of me, I jump!!!
Jump away from this world and into the world of peace where my mother is. I want to be near her. I want her. This world is so cruel ma! I can’t endure it without u.
I jump to welcome the air. It feels so good. It is like I got my freedom. The wind playing with my hair. It is as if everything is in slo-mo. The pure blue water looking so inviting. I am glad that my last vision will be of this beautiful scene.
Finally, it is all water around me. Water encases me as if it wants to protect me. Maybe I got someone to protect me. But it is doing the opposite.
I jump to welcome the air. It feels so good. It is like I got my freedom. The wind playing with my hair. It is as if everything is in slo-mo. The pure blue water looking so inviting. I am glad that my last vision will be of this beautiful scene.
Finally, it is all water around me. Water encases me as if it wants to protect me. Maybe I got someone to protect me. But it is doing the opposite.
Lastly, I remember all of the images that I have of my mother. A very gorgeous confident lady whom I loved the most. As a single drop of tear finally falls, I close my eyes. The last thought on my mind is that will no one come to save me?? no I guess
Is it the end?
It is.. indeed, it is peaceful. A harsh glow invades my senses and I am welcomed by the image of me and my mother on my 16th birthday. I still remember her words.
“Mia! this world is cruel. If u lose ur hope or urself, it will eat u alive. Promise me you won’t ever lose yourself. Promise me you’ll never lose hope. Promise me you’ll never accept defeat coz u r my fighter. There is no one mia. No one in this world could ever save you. No one will be there to help u. No one will help u or no one can help u. U have to be your warrior your fighter. It’s your life. Coz I won’t always be with u, my dear. Promise me”
It is As if she knew this moment will come that she told me those words. And I contemplated whether I should fulfill the promise or not.
Is it the end?
It is.. indeed, it is peaceful. A harsh glow invades my senses and I am welcomed by the image of me and my mother on my 16th birthday. I still remember her words.
“Mia! this world is cruel. If u lose ur hope or urself, it will eat u alive. Promise me you won’t ever lose yourself. Promise me you’ll never lose hope. Promise me you’ll never accept defeat coz u r my fighter. There is no one mia. No one in this world could ever save you. No one will be there to help u. No one will help u or no one can help u. U have to be your warrior your fighter. It’s your life. Coz I won’t always be with u, my dear. Promise me”
It is As if she knew this moment will come that she told me those words. And I contemplated whether I should fulfill the promise or not.
“But Mia! ur mother would be happy if u live if u fight. U r her fighter remember?”
But no I can’t take it anymore. No one wants me
“it is ur life, Mia. No one will help u .. u have to help yourself“
And the words of my mom from the death of my aunt replay. I still remember I asked her how was she doing? And she said that “my dear!it hurts. But it is not going to last forever. Yeah, it hurts that our near and dear one is gone but it is LIFE. People come to this world and they have to go one day. Life does not stop just because we have lost a person very close. We can’t make it stop. Coz life is all about going on. It depends on us whether we want this life to stop or not. So dear we should not lose hope. Day comes after night. After darkness comes light. If u want to see the light then u will have to pass through the darkness. For this, u will have to keep going. Don’t underestimate life. Everything is not what it seems dear. U may dislike a thing but maybe there would be so good for u in that thing. So u will have to keep on navigating.” and saying this she kept on doing her work.
It is as if my subconscious, my brain, and my mother's words were fighting against each other. Yeah, there all many paths. Everything may look the same. All may look as if they are right. Even when u r doing wrong. You have to decide what is right and what is wrong. IT'S YOUR LIFE.
Mia!!no regrets!! Wasn’t this the motto of your life?
And as the last words of my mom replay in my mind, I open my eyes. It is as if I got extra energy. Immediately my fight or flight response kicks in and I EMERGE.
I EMERGE. For my mom. For my family. For me!!
It is as if I got a new life. A new beginning. As I think more about it, am I this much selfish that I was going to leave my other family members in this critical situation just because of my selfishness? Was I this selfish to fade my sister’s giggle by imposing more burden on them? Was I this selfish that I did not even think about my brother?? And what about dad mia??
Yeah, it hurts. It hurts so well but the pain will subside. Yeah, it may leave scars but wouldn’t it be proof that you have worked hard to come where you are today?
By now the pain has subsided and is reduced, maybe it is the happiness of a new beginning? Maybe it is hope? Maybe it is the urge to help my family?
I don’t know but I will not be selfish now. I will not lose hope. I will not break our promise ma! No coz I love you and will always love u. Thanks again ma! Although you are not here I have ur words, oh memories.
Life goes on. It does not stop unless u make it. so don’t lose hope
Finally, I get the meaning of
“Every storm heralds a spring”
MY SPRING HAS STARTED! the storm has passed. Hello, again world!
By now the pain has subsided and is reduced, maybe it is the happiness of a new beginning? Maybe it is hope? Maybe it is the urge to help my family?
I don’t know but I will not be selfish now. I will not lose hope. I will not break our promise ma! No coz I love you and will always love u. Thanks again ma! Although you are not here I have ur words, oh memories.
Life goes on. It does not stop unless u make it. so don’t lose hope
Finally, I get the meaning of
“Every storm heralds a spring”
MY SPRING HAS STARTED! the storm has passed. Hello, again world!
