This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.
I used to be a good woman. They took everything from me. I have been robbed, slandered, abandoned, and beaten up. Then, a savior came along. He took from me what was left of my broken soul. Now I have changed. The light no longer accepts me. I must take it from others. Yes, I must drain the light out of human beings to that I may live. I have the perfect target in mind.
January 7th, 1965
For years ever since the murder of the preacher and his family in Paris in the 1940’s, Gabriel had been alone. She really didn’t think about passing on her “legacy”. The succubus only lived for the moment. That all changed in the sixties when she found herself in Italy.
Gabriel was looking for a place to sleep when she heard a moaning noise from behind a dumpster in an alley. The succubus frowned and tilted her head. Hm? Who the hell is in my space? Gabriel flew down towards the dumpster. She peered over and didn’t blink. A girl about eighteen years old sat behind the foul-smelling dumpster in tears. She looked she hadn’t bathed in weeks and her thin body trembled. Usually, Gabriel would usually turn away, uninterested. However, she found herself pulled in by the light leaking out from the girl below. She rested her hand to her chest.
Is… her light calling out to me? Gabriel froze when she noticed a pair of green eyes staring at her. Heh? What is this?
“Who are you?” a small voice whispered. Gabriel floated downwards to the girl staring up at her.
“You can see me?” she asked. The girl behind the dumpster nodded. Gabriel landed on her feet with a curious look on her face. Well now, this is rather interesting.
“I am just a person looking for a place to sleep,” Gabriel said. “What are you doing here?” The girl in front of her lowered her head.
“I just want to die,” she murmured. Gabriel raised an eyebrow.
“Why is that?” she asked. The girl wiped away her tears from her dirty face.
“I lost everything,” she whimpered. Curious, the succubus sat down on the ground and leaned in.
“Go on,” she said. The girl sniffled. She didn’t look up as she moved her lips.
“My parents left us after they split up,” the girl began. “I didn’t complain. We weren’t really close anyway. I happily took care of my brothers and sister. We didn’t ask for much. My siblings and I all lived with little, but we were happy.”
“But something happened, right?”
“A fire broke out in our apartment three years ago. We all managed to escape, but we lost what little that we had left. My family and I ended up being separated. I had to stay with my uncle and his new wife.”
“Let me guess, they abused you, didn’t they?”
The girl shook her head. “It was his wife’s son. I tried to tell my uncle and his wife and they didn’t believe me. Rather, she didn’t believe me. My uncle would try to help, but my aunt would talk him out of it. Then, he got sick. While my aunt struggled to take care of him, his son forced me into prostitution. And then… And then…” The girl broke down crying again. The only time, Gabriel shook her head. She didn’t believe her, but something about that light leaking out of the girl’s body wouldn’t let her turn away.
“Are you… dying?” she came out and asked. The girl looked up at her and sobbed.
“No,” she said.
“I see…” Gabriel thought about the situation at hand. The more see looked at the battered girl, the more she had to learn about the light leaking from her. She reached out her hand and took the girl by her cheeks. After a little thought, Gabriel narrowed her eyes.
“You don’t really want to die, do you?” she asked. The girl blinked at her.
“Huh?” she asked.
“I am taking you with me.”
The girl’s eyes widened as it took time for her to process those words. “What?” Gabriel pressed her fingertips to her victim’s forehead. The light leaking out became redirected to her body. A following kick was so powerful that Gabriel fell backwards in the alley. She sat up panting. The girl sat across from her unfazed and looking much calmer than before. The succubus pressed her lips together.
I figured as much.
“Take me with you,” the girl said. Gabriel lifted her head with a blank stare.
“Huh?” she asked. The drained girl gave her an odd smile.
“I want you to take me with you,” she repeated. The succubus’s mind didn’t really process the consequences of this offer.
“What is your name?” Gabriel asked as she rose to his feet. The girl eyed her as she held out her hand.
“Venus,” she said. “I am Venus.”
“Well then, Venus,” the succubus said. “I am Gabriel. You can come along with me.”
Angel S. Adames Corraliza: Sensational! As a fan of superheroes, I have to say, you have a real winner of a story so far. I like that you made Allison a Wonder Woman expy, but kept her likable and relate-able in this first chapter. You showed us the Mother while also glancing at the Superhero, which I think is important to...
Ben Gauger: Kudos go to Liz Aguilar, author of To Have And to Hold a fast-paced, gripping, adrenaline rush from start to finish, one of perhaps the finest pieces of writing I've ever read, in particular because of its' telenovela-like feel, May she continually find success as an author. Bravo my dear, bravo!
ernbelle: When I first started this story I was a little unsettled by all of the information that appears in the prologue, and wasn't sure if I would continue. However, I am very glad I did. The plot was very well thought out and really interesting. There were not any page breaks or markers to acknowledge ...
Janaki Sundararaman: The frame of the story has a beautiful structure on which the narration is spun with twists and turns tolook forward with lots of expectations about the coming chapters.There are many characters in the story line,all woven into intricate style to speak the story in its own way.The protagonist is ...
ianwatson: The comedy is original and genuinely funny, I have laughed out loud many times reading this book. But the story and the plot are also really engaging. The opening two or three chapters seem quite character-dense but they all soon come to life and there is no padding, filling or wasted time readin...
M.L. Bull: Hello, Aalia!Your story compelled the emotional pain and struggle of a teenage girl very well.. The imagery was also convincing and well-written, showing the different personalities of your characters and their actions. However, I do think that many of your sentences are too lengthy and could use...
aeratheninja: Interestingly enough, this story touches on different psychological states and was very informing, on top of being a solid story. Although somewhat predictable, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this; I could feel the fear and the frustration of the characters, and was happy when they were happy.Even ...
mrh: This interesting take on the Harry Potter series fascinated me from line one on. I am in love with this tale and its characters and cannot wait to read the next chapter. I look forward to more soon.When can I expect the next chapter? I am so excited to read it!
Jessie: I wrote a review on fanfiction but I thought it would be fitting to write on on here too :) This story was honestly stunning. I am a budding writer myself and to read this- to FEEL this- reminded me of why I am honoured to have this passion and drive for a craft that is just so raw and beautiful.
Ashley Stryker: So I'm writing this review, keeping in mind that this is a work in progress and it's part of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), so my "deeper" critiques will be saved until it's all finished up.+ Chapter One: A stewardess would not talk to anyone quite like that, particularly a clear minor...
FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"
Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."