Plays

By Mike Acciarino All Rights Reserved ©

Drama

Bestseller

[A man named David sits without pants on at a table. He smokes and types on a typewriter every few seconds. Next to his typewriter is an ashtray, pencil, and his book, a bestseller written years ago. A woman named Christa enters.]

CHRISTA: Up all night?

DAVID: Yes, dear.

CHRISTA: Get any work done?

DAVID: Yes, dear.

CHRISTA: Coffee? [David takes his cigarette out of his mouth, irritated.] No coffee?

DAVID: Yes, dear.

CHRISTA: Yes as in you don't want coffee or–

DAVID: Coffee – yes, dear!

CHRISTA: Sheesh. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

DAVID: I didn't even sleep in a – nevermind. It's just, I don't – like to be bothered while I'm working. That's all.

CHRISTA: Work in the other room then.

DAVID: I was here first!

CHRISTA: You want your coffee, don't you?

[David pauses, remembers his coffee. His tone of voice changes.] DAVID: Yes, dear.

CHRISTA: Good. Maybe you can read me some while I eat breakfast. Would you like me to make you something? Eggs? Pancakes?

DAVID: Eggs, please.

CHRISTA: Coming right up, sweety. It'll be ready in a few minutes.

DAVID: I'm not going anywhere.

CHRISTA: Well I am.

DAVID: Right – work. What's that hellhole like?

CHRISTA: Don't push me, David.

[Silence.]

Where are your pants?

DAVID: Lost within the haze of creation.

CHRISTA: Leave that wordy crap for the book. Any reason for the Batman underwear?

DAVID: Inspiration.

CHRISTA: You barely fit in those things anymore!

DAVID: They're a men's size – XL!

[Christa walks to David with his coffee.] CHRISTA: Master Wayne. [She hands him the cup.]

DAVID: Alfred, be a doll and fetch me some sugar.

[David is suddenly disgusted by his cigarette's taste and stabs it into the ashtray in front of him.]

CHRISTA: Here you are. [She hands him the glass jar of sugar.]

DAVID: Thank you, Alfred.

CHRISTA: Yeah, I think we're done with that, sweety. So are you gonna read me some of what you wrote? Where is it?

DAVID: Where is what?

CHRISTA: The manuscript – what you've typed.

[Pause.] DAVID: In the garbage.

CHRISTA: What? [She walks to the garbage can across the room.] It can't be that bad.

[David crawls underneath the table like a child. Christa returns to him, confused and angry.]

David – these pages are blank!

DAVID: The words are invisible.

CHRISTA: You can't do this to me again, David! Do I – Do I need to call your father?

DAVID: No! No, not Papa! Not Leather Buddy!

[A knock at the door. Christa walks to answer it, then turns to look at David.]

CHRISTA: David, Jr., you get off the floor right this instant! [David shakes his head “no.”]

Cassandra! How are you? Please, come in. [Cassandra enters.]

CASSANDRA: Tim and I heard yelling from next door. Is everything all right?

CHRISTA: Everything's peachy. [Cassandra spots David under the table.] Oh he just dropped his contact lenses is all.

CASSANDRA: I didn't know he had a prescription.

DAVID: Don't tell Papa!

CASSANDRA: “Papa”? David's been dead for years, Christa. What is going on? [David enters fetal position and sucks his thumb.] Oh, what is that awful stench? Are you smoking mozzarella?

CHRISTA: It's David. He won't bathe by himself. [David chews on a pencil.] You get used to the smell after a while.

[Cassandra pinches her nose.] CASSANDRA: Forgive me, Christa, but I'm afraid I won't be able to bear it any longer. Have a good day, dear.

CHRISTA: Bye, bye – talk soon!

[Cassandra exits. Christa turns to David.]

How dare you embarrass me like that in front of Mrs. Bloom!

DAVID: I'm sorry, Mama, I just–

CHRISTA: –You just nothing! I'm going to speak to your father about this!

[Christa storms off into the bedroom.]

DAVID: No – Mama!

[Moments later, Christa is dressed in men's work pants and dress shoes. From the floor under the table, David believes her to be his father. Christa speaks in a low, masculine voice.]

CHRISTA: David. [No reply.] David!

DAVID: Y-Yes, Papa?

CHRISTA: What's this your mother tells me? You won't do you work? [David mumbles.] Speak up!

DAVID: It's hard, Papa.

CHRISTA: How do you expect to ever make it on your own? Work – make your mother proud! You want to make her proud don't you?

DAVID: Yes, Papa.

CHRISTA: Good. [Christa unbuckles her belt.] Or else you'll get a visit from my Leather Buddy.

[Christa whips the top of the table with the belt and exits to the bedroom.After a few moments, David sits back in his seat. David begins to type. Christa eventually returns as her herself.]

Hello, sweety. More coffee?

DAVID: Yes, dear.

[Stage goes black.]


Continue Reading Next Chapter
Further Recommendations

Jasmina Allen: Very very good book

seraphina20: This novel really touch my heart.. Wondering how anyone or anybody can really live the life pretending nothing happens

Caite Posey: I really enjoyed this book. The plot was pretty remarkable honestly. Kinda wish there was a second book to it.

AnneP93: Loved it. It's a great story.

tarzan509: Very well. I like it. Read it

Khloe Pia: Some really annoying spelling and grammar mistakes, mainly writing stuff like 'can' instead of 'can't', or wrong word choices, etc.

Thalassophobia-E : Good story☺️

Prasanna Sagar: Had a pleasant read...can be read many times

More Recommendations

laurenquinn21: I love this story, very well written and great plot. I love the flashbacks as well. It helped to keep the story moving. You did an awesome job!

Annisa Ulfa: Update pleaseeeee :(

MShell90: I enjoy the story, looking forward to the update.

gpo1953: I would love it more if you finished the story ☺️💜

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.