I am behind the wheel of my Lamborghini, pulling into a parking space at The Dungeon nightclub. I sit behind the wheel and turn the engine off. I am staring at the wall in front of my car, while trying to conjure up the words that I will say to Tom, trying to find the words that will tell him of my diseased mind. They will not come to me. They are still not ready to come to my mind, as I am still not ready to speak them to him.
Four months have passed since my return and the time is still not right. I know very well that the time will never be right. However, I need to tell him soon. I cannot possibly wait much longer.
This afternoon, after I had left Tom and Natalie alone at their home I had gone to see Marshall Reed at the Angel Centre. Marshall had given me some news that I do not even want to consider. What he had told me was one of the worst things he could have possibly said and I am not willing to even think about it. It is not true. It cannot possibly be true. I will fight this thing and I will win. Although, I know I cannot do it alone.
The regulars sit at the corner table and look up as I sit down.
“Davad, so nice to see you...alone,” Dover says with a smile.
I smile back at him and take a drink from the glass of water I have placed on the table.
“Where’s Tom tonight?” Monty asks with a smug expression.
“He is resting from our weekend.” I answer without looking in his direction.
“Have you had that discussion with him yet?” Dover asks as our eyes meet.
I shake my head and drink from my glass. “I do not want to discuss it,” I tell him then look away, towards the dance floor. “When will you play some decent music in this place?”
“What would you prefer, Blood n Fire or Banners?” Joseph asks.
I turn to face Joseph who is relaxing with his feet up on the seat. “Perhaps I would prefer Joseph Elder.” I say with a grin.
“Well, he’s not available right now, so I can’t help you.”
I slide across to sit next to him. “I am alone tonight Joseph and as I can see, so are you. It seems only natural that we treat this as an opportunity,” I whisper in his ear.
Joseph smiles as he considers my proposition. I know he is thinking about it. I have waited for this moment for a very long time. If he says yes to me now, he will lose all my respect and that is not what I really want him to do. If he says no, I will continue to pursue him until he does say yes. It is nothing less than a no win situation for him.
“It’s very tempting Davad...But like I said, Joseph Elder is not available,” he finally tells me with a smile.
I run my fingers through his long brown hair and feel him shiver all over. He wants me. He wants me so much, but fortunately he knows better. Joseph is a very smart man.
“Perhaps next time Joseph,” I tell him before moving back to my own seat.
“What was that all about?’” Monty asks Joseph, as I look back towards the dance floor.
“He’s just playing around. It’s nothing.”
“I didn’t realise that Davad Moss did play around,” Andy butts in.
“I only play with those who are worthy.” I say without looking from the dance floor. “And you are definitely not, Andrew.”
Dover laughs and drapes his arm around Andy’s shoulder. “I’ll play with you Andy, if that’s what you want,” he says pulling Andy closer.
“You’ll play with anyone who’s willing.” Monty laughs.
“You’re so obnoxious, Montgomery,” Dover snarls at him.
“Well it makes people listen.” Monty tells him with a smile.
I no longer take any notice of the sludge match they are participating in. It is the same thing over and over again. Every time they come together as a group they will insist on dragging each other down until they reach the lowest point of human existence. Kind of like a competition to see who can be the lowest and most pitiful of them all, yet still remain on top.
I wonder why I have even bothered coming here tonight. I knew very well that they would go through their ritual and that I would have to put up with it, if I wanted their company. Well, Dover’s company anyway.
I find it odd that Dover participates in their charade. He is not at their level. He is above them all, yet he enjoys their company. He enjoys the games they play and I can never understand why. Perhaps it is because they will sleep with him if he asks them to. All except Joseph that is, or perhaps Joseph would. I cannot be sure about that. All I do know is that their game is becoming old. It became old a long time ago and now it bores me.
I have never been so cynical towards their behaviour. I have not even cared for what they do. It is only now that I care. I care a great deal that they waste the times we are together on such meaningless absurdities. I care that I have not really bothered to get to know them all better. They are supposedly my friends, yet I hardly know anything about them. I know that Dover will sleep with anyone. He is good at his job, and he is an easy man to converse with, but of the others I know so little. Most of what I do know about them is trivial. It means nothing. It tells me nothing of the people who hide behind their smiles and their constant laughter. I wonder why I even care about all this. Does it really matter that I know nothing of these perverted men? Is it really that important to me? I want to tell myself that they mean nothing to me that they have no meaning at all in my life, but I cannot, as I know that is not true. They have meaning and I do care. They are my friends after all, and I will need them. Not as much as I will need Tom, but I know I will need them too.
My eyes search the dance floor, searching for anything that might stand out. Take my attention, anything that can keep my mind from wandering. It is no use. The men on the dance floor hold no fascination for me. They are all worthless, all the same.
My mind drifts to the Angel Centre and those words Marshall Reed had spoken.
“Davad, it’s not good news. You are going to...”
Marshall Reed’s voice trails away as I catch a glimpse of something from the corner of my eye. The Gallery doors are open and Natalie and Tom have entered the room.
As usual Tom heads straight to the bar. He walks behind the counter and pours white wine into a glass, obviously for Natalie, I think, as I watch him grab hold of a Vodka bottle. Our eyes meet as Tom hands the wine glass to Natalie. A smile creeps across his lips and Natalie turns around to see what he is smiling about. I smile at Natalie and stand. Tom keeps his eyes fixed on me as I walk across the room towards them. Natalie does not look very impressed about me joining them. She probably thought that they were going to have a night out alone, without my presence to take Tom’s attention away. She is not that fortunate. Tom and I had arranged to meet here and it surprises me that he brought her along. She will only be going back home alone tonight.
“Good evening Natalie,” I say as I reach the bar.
“Davad,” she says and sips her wine.
“What are you doing Natalie? I hardly ever see you drink.”
“Well, I do sometimes.” She tells me.
Tom reaches across the bar and places his hand on mine. “Do you want some water?” He asks.
I look him in the eyes and smile. “Actually Tom, a bottle of tequila would go down exceptionally well tonight.”
“I am serious.” I tell him.
He removes his hand from mine and walks out from behind the bar. “Can you excuse us for a moment,” he says to Natalie as he drags me to the corridor that leads to Dover’s office. “Is there something wrong Davad?” he asks, leaning against the wall.
“No! What makes you think that there is anything wrong?”
“Come on Davad. You can’t drink, don’t you remember the last time?”
“Did I drink? I do not recall such an occasion.” I tell him before I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him gently on the lips.
Tom stares into my eyes for several long minutes. “Have you been drinking already?” he finally asks.
“I may have had one drink when I first arrived.”
“You promised you wouldn’t drink again.” Tom says and runs his hand across my forehead. “Are you all right?”
“I am fine. I just wanted a drink…what is the big deal Tom? One drink will not kill me, will it?”
“Davad, I’m worried about you.”
“Listen, I am fine. I just wanted one drink. It will not affect me…It was only one, Tom.”
“Yeah, and now you want a bottle!”
“Only because I am a little annoyed.”
“About what?” Tom asks, concerned.
“It annoys me that you brought Natalie here.” I admit.
“I don’t understand, Davad. I’m still going home with you. I’ve already arranged for Dover to drive her home, so what’s the problem?”
“You know that I cannot touch you in front of Natalie and I wanted to touch you, tonight,” I tell him then kiss him on the lips.
“We won’t stay here long then,” Tom says. “We can leave now, if you like.”
“No! It does not matter. We should stay for a while, for Natalie’s benefit at least,” I tell him as I begin walking out of the corridor.
“You’re not going to drink any more, are you Davad?” Tom asks as he catches up to me.
“Of course not,” I promise.
Natalie has joined the regulars at their table. Tom goes behind the bar to pour a glass of water and then we walk across the room to join the group.
“Tom, you are such an abusive husband, leaving your wife all alone like that.” Dover tells him as we sit down.
“Take your hand off it Dover, since when do you give a shit?” Tom asks him.
“Excuse me,” I scold, clipping Tom behind the ear for the obscenity.
Dover grins and waves his index finger at Tom, as if to call him a bad boy.
“You watch your profanities as well, Dover. There is a lady present.” I tell him, wiping the grin from his face.
“Davad’s right, we should behave ourselves in front of the lady.” Joseph agrees.
“Why? We speak this way in front of Monty all the time,” Tom laughs.
Monty shakes his head at Tom. “That’s not funny. Not funny at all,” he tells Tom.
“What is the matter Montgomery? The truth always stings, right?” I ask him and drape my arm around Tom’s shoulders. “And you, Andrew, we are all dying to hear a comment from that vulgar mouth of yours.”
Andy swallows some drink from his glass, then lights up a cigarette. “Natalie, what are you and Tom doing later?” he finally asks.
“We are not doing anything. Tom has other plans.” Natalie tells him, glaring in my direction.
I do not like the glare she gives me. Have I done something to irritate her? For some reason I have upset her and I have no idea why. Had she wanted Tom to herself tonight? That is probably it. She had probably wanted to spend the night alone with Tom, but it will not happen. She knows very well that Tom and I will be together tonight. She can have him to herself tomorrow, but not tonight.
“Natalie, it seems as though that wine may be going to your head,” I tell her a little sarcastically.
“Is it Davad? Well perhaps I should drink something else.” She says and picks up a bottle of bourbon from the table. Tom grabs hold of the bottle before it reaches her lips.
“Natalie, is something wrong?” Tom asks her as he places the bottle back on the table.
“Everything’s fine Tom. I just think that you and Davad should leave. Don’t you have something to do tonight?” she asks rather spitefully.
Tom examines the expression on her face. “Maybe you’d prefer me to come home with you tonight.”
I watch as the smile begins to creep onto her lips. She actually thinks she is going to get things her way, but I cannot allow that. I slide over and whisper into Tom’s ear, then bite his earlobe.
Tom has a smile on his face that reaches from ear to ear as he moves closer to Natalie and wraps his arm around her waist. They begin whispering to one another, and as I watch Natalie continually shake her head, I know I have won. Natalie is not capable of winning my game. She is no contest at all. I resent the fact that there are occasions such as this one, when Natalie will play a tug of war with me over Tom’s affection. I can never understand why she continues to play these games, when she knows very well that I always win. If it were anyone else, the game would have been over long ago and I would not have allowed them to continually contend for his attention, but Natalie is special and I enjoy her attempts to conquer his love. It is the only childish game I will ever participate in, because I know that tomorrow Natalie will be as hospitable as always.