Heaven’s Regrets (Book 1)

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Chapter Twenty Three

I feel the relief that she’s here slowly washing over me as my worry for her life grows even more. The call from the radio keeps replaying in my head, multiple gunshot wounds. That's serious shit. My sister is anything but weak, and I know she'll pull through. Whether she's the same sister I knew six months ago or not is a different question.

I pull my phone out, searching for Ghost's name, pushing call. I listen to the dial tone. Come on, Ghost. Fucking answer for once. Voicemail, of course.

I'll try Carter, "Yeah, you've reached Carter. Leave a message, or don't. I don't care." Perfect time to not fucking answer! I check my watch, realizing why. It's already four in the fucking morning.

"Hey, could you give me a call if there's any change with my sister? I'll be back." I scribble my number on a pamphlet and hand it to the receptionist.

"Sure thing, hun."

I hop in Cassie's truck and take off to the clubhouse. The two drunks are passed out at the counter, "Wake the fuck up, boys!" I shout, sending them falling to the floor. "It's Cassie! She's in surgery now."

I watch as the realization settles on their faces. Ghost looks like he had seen a ghost. I have to laugh at that a little, "The fuck are you waiting for? Let's go!" I yell, waving my arms toward the door.

"Wait. Hold on. It's really her?" Carter shakes his head in disbelief.

"Yes! Tell Dad, maybe grab a shower while you're at it. I doubt she wants to wake up to the smell of a bar."

The waiting room is packed with bikers. I stay silent by the door, watching everyone carry on their conversations. I can only focus on one thing, being with Cassie again. I can hardly wait any longer, my patience is running out.

The memories I have of her lying in my arms haven't done her justice. Nothing comes close to the real thing. No one comes close to her. She was perfectly made for me. I've never connected with anyone the way I do with her. In all twenty-six years of my life, she is the only one I've ever fallen in love with. Sure, I had my fair share of flings and at the time, I thought they meant something, but she put them all to shame.

There's just something about her that isn't like anyone else, and I'll spend the rest of my life making sure she knows just how special she is to me. I had tried to find someone to fill the Cassie-shaped void in my heart the year she took off. Still, I always found my thoughts drifting back to her. How badly I just wanted to reach out and tell her everything, that no one amounts to her. That I needed her back to feel complete, but I couldn't find her, and being honest, I wasn't sure if she would feel the same.

She could have found someone new in that time. I wouldn't ever ruin that for her if she was happy. I had a feeling she wasn't, but I couldn't bring myself to find out. I was too damn worried about getting my heart ripped out again if she didn't feel the same anymore. It feels as though we’re connected by some invisible tether, gnawing at my heart and invading my every waking moment with thoughts of her.

The only thing I wanted that whole year was another chance with her, to show her I'm capable of loving her how she needs, now. I had learned my lesson. I thought I had done her a favor that day when I walked away. But, instead, all I did was ruin her life even more. I would never have walked away if I knew then what I know now. It's my biggest regret, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life.

"Excuse me. I'm looking for Cassandra Scott's family." The doctor announces.

"Yep, over here," Hawk is the first to answer. You can see the hints of shock on the doctor's face as he takes in all the leather sitting around.

"Right. So she's out of surgery. It looks like she will make a full recovery. She had four bullets in her abdomen, and we were able to get them all and get her patched up. So she should be waking up soon. You're more than welcome to wait in her room, just a few of you at a time, please. We don't want to overwhelm her. Do you have any questions?"

"I think that about covers it. Thanks for taking care of our girl, Doc." Hawk lets out a sigh of relief.

"Of course, if you think of anything, just let us know. Have a good night, guys."

The tension I hadn't realized was filling up the room starts dissipating.

"Mind if I come with Prez?" I ask hesitantly.

"She'd shoot me if I said no." He lets out a small laugh. "Let's go, boys."

My legs feel like they’re getting heavier the closer I get to her room. I have no idea what to expect. The thought of seeing her lying in a hospital bed again has my head spinning.

"Guys, I'll be there in a minute," I mutter, leaning against the wall to steady myself. I swear I see pity in her brother's eyes. This is just too fucking much. Okay, Lucas, just breathe. She'll be alright. She's alive, and that's already more than you were expecting. Taking in one last breath, I pushed myself off the wall. As I turn into the room, my body goes cold. I go numb and I can’t bring myself to go any closer.

Bruises cover Cassie's face and arms in bruises, new and old. Her Dad's and brother's faces all share a sad look. I can tell their hearts are breaking seeing her like that.

I'm going to fucking kill those Saints.

I finally break free of my trance, whipping myself around. I can’t stand seeing her like that for one more fucking second.

"Ghost, what the hell, man? Where are you going?" Caden calls out.

"I just need a fucking minute, okay!"

"Fuck that Ghost! You need to be here for her. She'll be devastated if she wakes up and you're not here!" Carter yells after me this time.

God. He's fucking right. I hate when he's right, "Just give me a minute then!"

As soon as I watch him disappear back into the room, the tears won’t stop. I want to fucking scream, but most of all, I want to kill those fuckers with my bare hands. This isn't fucking fair. She's been through more shit than any fucking person should have to go through, and it's all my fucking fault. If I hadn't walked away, we wouldn't be here. We would have worked our shit out, and she would never have worked for them. She would never have fucking killed anyone. Her soul would still be pure.

Pull yourself together. She needs you. I slowly lay down beside to her, ignoring the 'I'm going to kill you' eyes I’m getting from Hawk. I carefully run my fingers through her hair when her eyes started fluttering, sending my stomach into knots. I push the nurse button, I'm sure they'll need to check everything out.

"Hi baby, I'm right here. You're okay, love." I whisper in her ear.

She slowly opens her eyes, blinking a few times, looking from me to her family, "What happened?" She groans.

"We were hoping you could tell us?" Hawk says for all of us.

"You were shot, baby," I say, gently pulling her closer.

"Shot? By who?" She looks at each of us.

"We're not sure, baby girl. The Saints is our best guess," Hawk responds.

"I mean, that would make sense. But why don't I remember it?"

We all look at each other at a loss for words when the nurse comes in.

"Hi, there! Glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling, hun?"

"Uh, pretty sore, I guess. Mostly confused. Do you know what happened to me?"

"You were brought in with four gunshot wounds to the abdomen. You lost a lot of blood. Memory loss after a trauma like this is to be expected. But don't worry, we'll make sure you're all taken care of."

"I remember being shot. I just don't remember why." Cassie sighs.

"Why don't I bring the officers in that found you? Maybe they can help fill in some of the blanks."

"Yeah, sure. If it might help."

"I'll send them up. Gentleman, I'll take you back to the waiting room while the officers talk with Cassie." The nurse says from the doorway.

"Will you stay, Ghost?" Cassie wraps her hand around my arm, her eyes pleading with me not to leave.

"Is that alright?" I ask the nurse.

"As long as the officers are good with it."

I doubt I want to hear this conversation, but I'm not leaving her alone again when she needs me.
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