Heaven’s Regrets (Book 1)

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Chapter Twenty Four

The cop has more questions than insight. He mentions that Cassie was the only one to survive, which makes me wonder if she had something to do with that.

A few moments after the cop leaves, another doctor comes in and kicks me out to talk with Cassie. She has to assess her mental state, whatever the fuck that means.

I make my way back to the waiting room and it’s just as packed as when I left. I notice Hawk hunched over with his face buried in his hands. Carter and Caden looking just as rough.

"What the hell am I missing?" I ask the three.

"Ghost, maybe you should sit down," Caden answers me first.

"I'm good. Just spit it out already."

"There's just no easy way to say this. She was, um... Well, she was pregnant. But all of the trauma from being shot is causing a miscarriage." His eyes dart to the floor. "They're not sure if she'll be able to conceive again after this. I'm so sorry, man."

They raped her. There was no chance it was mine after all this time. I barely make it to the bathroom in time before spewing my stomach's contents. I toss some water on my face as I rinse the bitter taste of bile from my mouth.

I can’t help but think maybe it’s for the best that she can’t remember what happened. God, one of us is going to have to tell her, though. She’s going to need all the information she can get to piece those months back together.

I peak through the small crack of her hospital room door before opening it. Her brothers are passed out in the chairs next to her bed. It'll take an army to pry them away from her again.

I sit next to her on the bed, just admiring the strength it must have taken just to survive. Who knows what they were doing to her behind closed doors. I shutter at the thought of anyone touching her, accidentally waking her up in the process. She looks terrified.

"Sorry, babe. I didn't mean to wake you." I run my hand lightly up her arm.

"No, it's okay. I had a crazy-ass dream anyway. So thanks, I guess." She lets out a small laugh.

"What was it about?"

"It was the strangest thing. I was being chased through country roads. And I had shot like six vehicles through the windshield like some sort of insane assassin in a movie!”

The more she tells me, the more I realize it was probably just her mind replaying the night she was taken. She continues, "I ended up in some cold, wet cellar-like place, but I wasn't scared for some reason. The faces almost looked familiar, but I couldn't make them out. You know?"

"Yeah, babe. I know. Was that all of it?"

"All I can remember. Weird ass dream, huh?" She smiles at me. She sure is in a good mood, everything considered. I think she’s just happy to be with her family again and back where she belongs, minus the hospital room and shit.

"I think that might have actually happened. Your mind is trying to help you piece it together. If that makes sense?" I feel my body tense, thinking about her having to take all of that on by herself. "I never should have left that night. I'm so sorry. I should have been there to protect you." I feel tears threatening to fall again.

"Hey, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known, and I wasn't left alone.. it just didn't matter. They've been after me since I came back to the club. They were never going to stop. So don't blame yourself, Lucas." Her words are somewhat comforting but not convincing.

"Stop trying to comfort me. You're the one lying in a hospital bed. Save your energy, babe." I laugh.

"No, Lucas. I'm serious, don't blame yourself."

"I can't help it. This all started because I walked away the night you told me you were pregnant. If I hadn't, you wouldn't have left and none of this would have happened."

"Who's to say I wouldn't have left? There's no guarantee that I would have stayed. Stop dwelling on what we can't change. It's just going to swallow you."

"I can't help it." I groan. "You can say all the right words until you're blue in the face, but I'll never forgive myself."

"Well, I forgive you. That has to count for something?"

"Trust me, it does. I just never want to be without you, and I'm terrified that when I tell you what I have to, you're going to disappear again.." My pulse pounds in my ears.

"What's that?" She narrows her eyes at me, slightly tilting her head.

"Get some more rest, baby. It can wait." I glance over at her brothers, who are now stirring in their chairs.

"You going to tell her?" Caden pipes in.

"No, it can wait. She's been through enough today." I glare at him.

"She should find out sooner rather than later," Carter says as he squeezes Cassie's hand.

"How about Cassie decides what's best for Cassie? I am right here, you know?" Cassie snaps at us.

"Uh, sorry." We mumble simultaneously.

"Well, get to it then. I'm a big girl."

I glance at her brothers, not sure who was going to tell her.

"I'm just going to rip the bandaid off," Carter starts, “While the doctors were fixing you up, they had blood work done, and well, your pregnancy test came back positive. But, you were... bleeding. And so they ruled it a miscarriage. Um, they'll have to run more tests in a few days to confirm."

All of our eyes are watching as Cassie's body stiffens, but her eyes remain trained on the ceiling. I can tell something is registering in that mind of hers, and I feel sick again.

"Is that it?" She sniffles. I can tell she’s trying to put a brave face on and be strong while she’s dying inside, and my heart is so close to ripping out my chest for her.

"Um.. no, Cass. They're not sure if you'll be able to conceive due to all the trauma you went through... I'm really sorry, sis.."Carter's words trail off as Cassie's eyes dart to him.

"Get out." She seethes.

The brothers share a look I can tell they want to protest but know better of it. I hear the door close behind them, and I turn my focus back to Cassie, "How are you holding up?" I falter as her tears cascade down her pale cheeks. Her body wracked with painful sobs. I take a deep breath in, lying down next to her. "What can I do, Cassie? How can I help?"

Her mouth opens like she’s going to say something before quickly closing again. I hold her for hours as she cries herself to sleep. It’s killing me not being able to help her. I wish I could take all of her pain away.

I wake up the following day still holding Cassie in my arms. Her color had somewhat returned to her face. I carefully try sneaking my arm out from under her before I need it amputated. I have no idea how long it's been without a blood supply. She lets out a few painful groans but manages to stay asleep.

I text her brothers to sit with her while I get some air. Hoping last night's news is the worst of it, I have to clear my head. Before I realize where I’m going, I pull up to the house for I was building for Cassie, that I had given up on.

I’m blown away. It’s fucking finished! What the hell? The black roof compliments the dark gray siding, the red door and white framed windows contrast the dark colors. It looks better than the route I was going with it. I walk through the inside. Some rooms still need paint, but damn, hardly anything left to do. It’s precisely Cassie's style, and there’s even some left for her to add her own touches to. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she sees this place.

When I got back to the hospital, the waiting room is empty for once. I sit down looking at the ring in the box, relieved no one swiped it from the house.

"So, you going to ask her?" Caden pulls me from my trance.

"You knew?" My heart skips a couple beats but I play it off. I have no clue how willing they’ll be to accept me into the family after all the damage I’ve caused. Sure, they kept me around the club after everything, but only because of my skills nothing more and nothing less.

"Who the fuck do you think did all the work to the house? I saw that shiny rock from a mile away." He laughs.

"Thanks, man. Looks better than I could've ever done. Ever thought of becoming an architect? You sure have an eye for that shit."

"Bullshit!" He laughs. "Quit trying to change the subject. You going to ask her?" He nods toward the box in my hand.

"Nows not the right time, but someday."

"If there's one thing I've learned growing up in the club, there's never a right time, man." He pats my shoulder as he stands, "you coming? The last few members are just about to get going. They're releasing Cassie tonight."

"Already? Are they trying to have her die on us?"

"They've got too many patients. There was some sort of gas leak in the town over, bringing in the riffraff. She'll be fine man, Trish is a nurse, and Hawk has the club Doc on standby."

"I'll be more than happy to have her home, but I don't like this." I shake my head.
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