Heaven’s Regrets (Book 1)

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Chapter Thirty Two

I send my clenched fist through the wall nearest me. I really fucked up this time. The worst part of all, I did it on purpose. I carefully plotted my revenged before following through. She’ll never forgive me. Hell, I don’t deserve her forgiveness. But she at least needs to know the truth.

I glide my legs through my black jeans strewn across the floor, throwing my hoodie and vest on before running my hand through my hair to fit under my SnapBack. I go straight down the hall, making a sharp right turn to Slayer's room. Pounding relentlessly on the door, not giving a fuck that it’s the early hours of the morning, “Wake the fuck up, dude!” I yell between the pounding of my fist.

“What’s the fucking hurry, Ghost! Go to fucking sleep, dick!” He hollers back in his heavily sleepy, somewhat pissed voice.

“I need you to trace Cassie’s necklace!” I continue my pounding, knowing sooner or later he'll get annoyed and open the door.

“For fucks sakes, you two can never be simple!” Slayer fumes as he swings the door open. “Let’s fucking go then.” He shoves past me disappearing down the hall I just came from. I follow him in silence over to the surveillance room. It’s far too techie for me. Screens upon screens line the walls, showing different angles around the compound grounds.

Slayer lets out a loud sigh as he plops down in front of one of the laptops before he starts tapping away at the keyboard, “She’s at a hotel about twenty miles east of us, happy now? Can I go back to bed, asshole?” Slayer mutters under his breath.

We've never been particularly fond of each other after I saw the interest his eyes held for Cassie, just another reason I knew he would help me. He has the same need to protect her that we all do.

“Thanks, man. Sweet dreams.” I joke as I turn on my heels out the door. As soon as the night's crisp fall air hit my face, I change my mind about taking the bike. Instead, I switch course and head toward the shop. Cassie’s always left a set of her pick-up keys on the wall. I say a silent thanks when I find the keys resting in their rightful place.

I jog over to the pickup sitting across the lot, hopping in and slamming the door. I push the clutch in and turn the key. It hasn’t run in a while and struggles to start, but after a few more attempts, it finally comes to life, shaking roughly and wanting to die out. I throttle down a few times, and the shaking evens out a bit.

I blast the heat before putting it into first and releasing the parking brake. I speed down the highway with the radio nearly at max volume to keep me awake down the empty road. I'm not even surprised to feel the bass that rumbles through the cab. Cassie loves her subwoofers.

I notice lights illuminating a primarily dark and bare field to the right of me. That has to be it. I turn right off the highway, following the road to the parking lot, and pull in. I cut the engine off and climb out, locking the door behind me.

I stroll through the entrance to the front desk to find a woman half-asleep leaning back in her chair with her legs propped up on the desk. I cleared my throat to get her attention, and her eyes widened as she took in my appearance. I’m sure to most; I look rather intimidating. And I sure as fuck will be when need be.

“Looking for a girl and guy that’s probably wearing a similar vest.” I pull on the lapel of my jacket, proudly representing my club’s patch.

“Sorry, uh, sir. Can’t give out that kind of information.” The front desk lady slightly hesitates as she speaks.

“Name a price.” I sigh, shaking my head. I was already expecting it to cost me.

“Three hundred.” She holds out her hand palm up.
A lot less than I anticipated, I'd gladly pay any price just to find her. I reach in my back pocket, pulling my wallet out. I sort through the bills seeing three one hundred dollar bills and place them in her hand as she eyes the rest of the cash. I’m guessing she’s now wishing she asked for more.

“Room?” I ask impatiently, looking around the lobby as she clicks and types away.

“Two twenty-two, upstairs. Have a good day.”

“Yeah. You too.” I reply over my shoulder, already heading for the stairs. I take them two at a time, trying to get there as fast as I can. I knock lightly on the door once I find it. I wait a seemingly never-ending minute before knocking a little harder. Quickly losing my patience, I hit even harder.

“What do you want?” Rider cracks the door open enough to peek out, and I take the opportunity to push through the door knocking him off balance.

“Where’s Cassie?” I bellow as I step further into the small room. Finding an empty, run-down space, I turn back to Rider, “I fucking said where’s Cassie!”

“Wrong room, dumbass.” He says, rubbing his shoulder where the door had hit him.

“So what’s the right fucking room then?” I'm seething by this point, in no mood for his games. I could just knock him out without a second thought. But right now, I need to know where she is.

“Across the hall. I’m only telling you this because I’d want a chance to explain myself if I were you, but don’t think I’ll hesitate to step in if you try anything.”

Ignoring his comment, I storm out of the room and across the hall, rapping on the other door, “Cassie? You in there?”

Not even a minute later, she opens the door and pulls me inside, nearly knocking me off balance, “What the hell are you doing here?” She whispers, but I instantly pick up on the anger in her tone.

“I have to explain. It wasn’t what it looked like.” I run my hand down the back of my neck, hoping she’ll hear me out.

“Really? ‘Cause, it looked like you just fucked her.” She says louder this time as she sits in an old tattered chair, crossing her arms.

“I know what it looked like. But, honestly, I just didn’t want to sleep alone, and you pissed me off. So I talked to Cathy about it, and she came up with the whole elaborate plan to entice a reaction out of you. I should never have gone along with it. I wasn’t fucking thinking.” I can't quite make out the expression on her face, but I can tell the gears in her head are spinning out.

“That’s probably the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard come from your mouth. You literally planned to hurt me? With Cathy no less? It doesn’t make it any better that you didn’t fuck her. You still slept with her half fucking naked. I don’t even know what’s worse.” She shakes her head as if to shake the images from her mind.

“I wasn’t fucking thinking. It was completely wrong of me. I understand if you hate me. I do. But you had to know the truth. You can do with it what you will. I don’t expect you to forgive me just like that.” My heart sinks, and regret fills my entire being. I can't even believe I did that. There’s something majorly wrong with me.

“How could you do it so easily? The night of my father's wake even? Do I mean that little to you?” Cassie turns toward the wall, but I catch the tears forming as she speaks. I hear her heart breaking in her voice with every question.

I find myself kneeling beside her, slowly putting my hand on hers, and she flinches away. The subtle movement feels like she punched me right in the gut, “There’s no good reason. I’m so sorry, Cassie. From the bottom of my heart. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I just wanted you to want and need me like I do, you. When you told me to leave you alone, something just flipped in me, and I just fucked up. I wish I hadn’t, but I did. If I could take it back, I would. I’m sorry.” I tried to fight back the tears that were betraying me and cascading down my face. All of my regrets had to do with her.

“Why are you crying?” Cassie gently wipes the tears from my eyes, “I’m the one that was fucked over.” Her voice condescends her actions. Her words are so full of hurt and hatred.

“Because I don’t want to lose you. Jesus, I fucked up. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have come.” I stand, turning on my heels. “Here’s the pick-up keys. I’ll find a ride.” I toss the keys on the table and take the few steps out into the hall where Rider is still standing, ever the dutiful biker. I roll my eyes. Maybe he’s the type of guy she needs. Perhaps he isn’t as fucked up in the head as me. I just want her to be happy, whether that’s with me or without.

I descend the stairs and throw the lobby door open, the cool briskness of the night nipping at my hands and cheeks. I shove my hands in my pockets and start walking the way I came. I deserve to walk after what I’ve done. Hell, I deserve much worse. I still cannot wrap my head around what the hell I was thinking, agreeing to Cathy's fucked up plan.

I only make it maybe a mile before I see Cassie’s pick-up flipping a shitty on the highway so that it’s on my side. I keep my eyes locked on her as she climbs out of the driver's side. She takes a few steps towards me before she pauses as if she were regretting her actions, “At least take my truck back. You don’t need to walk all night.” She huffs out a cloud of mist that mixes with the cool air.

“It’s fine, Cassie. I’ve trekked through worse. Get back in the pick-up, and go back. I don’t deserve your sympathy.”

“It’s not sympathy. Just because you broke my heart doesn’t mean I automatically stop loving you. Now just get in the damn truck!” She demands, dragging me by the cusp of my vest, and I don't try to fight it.

“I’ll drive.” I sigh as I open the passenger door for her. “You want me to take you back to the hotel, or do you want to come back to the clubhouse?” I hesitate even asking, but part of me hopes she’ll come back with me.
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