My heart began pounding. I cover my face with my hands trying so hard to quieten myself down. My knees give up on me and I collapse onto the concrete. I remind myself that I need to stay quiet. I shush myself and try to push them back, Ana told me to think about good things, but it doesn’t work when the voices come back louder than before making me scream into my hands.
“Please,” I take my hands away from my face “Please, someone, help me.”
I face the door as it bangs against the walls of my room then get onto my knees. The moonlight breaks through my window casting shadows throughout the tiny room, me alone in the darkest part.
“H-h-hush l-l-little bab-by, d-don’t s-say a-a word,” I sing, just above a whisper. The door stopped swinging and I could now see the mansion, I swallow the knot clawing it’s way up my throat “P-Papa will s-stab you t-t-till you die.”
The knot shrinking as I gently rub my hands down my arms “H-hush l-l-little baby, d-d-don’t make a-a s-s-sound,” I slowly shut my eyes “N-no one’s g-gonna h-hear you und--”
There was another bang from the woods. What could be happening in there? I face the ceiling of my room and then outside to the mansion “No one’s g-going t-t-to hear you underg-g-ground.”
It was now silent. I put my head on my knees and smooth my hands up and down my legs. I’m okay. I lift my head up. As long as I stay quiet; as long as he doesn’t come down.
Sub-consciously, I found myself facing the mansion again. The tiny, barely working clock on my wall shows 1 in the morning. Then turn to the mansion again, why is he still awake? I crawl to the door, then lean in the doorway. How can someone like him, be able to live in a house like that?
It’s not fair. My hands start shaking again. Oh god no. Don’t think about it. It comes down like rain, I start to pant and try to calm myself down, but it was beyond that point. I felt like I was dying.
Accidentally, I let out a loud cry and then slap my hand over my mouth. His shadow slowly goes to the large office window and I started to panic more. I kick the door shut and pull away from it quickly “Please, please don’t.”
Silence again. That was a really good sign. But it was broken again by me screaming. I just wanted the voices to go away.
My eyes burn with tears just begging to fall as I lean on the wall again “Don’t,” I snap “Don’t think about it!” My mind begins to shout and cry. My heart tearing itself apart as I start to scream.
This isn’t fair. I can’t do this. He’s going to kill me.
I was trying to force myself to stop but it wouldn’t work. I watch a trail of lights turn on in the mansion from the window and start to hyperventilate. I look up then sit up on my knees, crawling over to my bed, shaking, my heart aching. My body rolls onto the bed.
“S-shush,” I whisper trying to calm myself down.
The loud slam of the back door confirmed that he had heard me. My lips quiver and I bury my face into the thin blanket, praying that he would just walk away. But, he still pulled open my door. I laid there frozen in fear with my eyes locked onto the wall.
It was like he could hear my thoughts as he gripped onto my arms tugging me forcibly off of the bed and onto the concrete. The moon barely showing his face but I could tell by his grip around my neck he was beyond angry.
“Get up.” I just stare. He grabbed me again and held me up by my neck “I said get up!”
He tosses me onto the grass outside of my small room. I tried to turn onto my stomach to block his blow but it was no use. His leg came snapping down and into my back. I curl up as tight as I could. His foot beating into my side before he reached down. My hands dropped as I was made to face him.
“Make another sound, and I’ll rip your tongue out, do you hear me?!”
I nod “Yes. It won’t happen again.”
He drops me onto the ground, slapping me across the head one more time before he turned and walked back inside. I watch. The door was slammed shut so hard, the ground felt like it was vibrating. I wipe my mouth. Blood staining my porcelain skin. That man, is my father.
Charles Timothy Blackwell. As long as I can remember, he would hurt me. No matter the time, day, situation or place, he would hurt me. I wipe my eyes, doing the best I could to hold back my tears then make myself to stand up. As quickly as the lights came on, they turned off. I lean on the cobblestone walls dragging my legs to my chest.
I get up slowly, with my eyes still on the mansion before opening the door to my room. This cold brushes down my spine and I shiver facing the sky, now it’s raining. I shake my head and look across the small space and see a pair of eyes looking at me. Who could that be? I stumble a bit looking into the eyes but then, they were just gone.
What? The rain gets harder “Shit.” I close the door quickly and then look at the window, thankful that the rain wasn’t coming inside before falling onto my bed. It was troubling that after he hurts me my anxiety disappeared.
Maybe it’s also afraid of him.
Why does my head hurt so bad? I roll onto my side and hug my stomach. Everything is hurting. God, why today? “Aria,” I open my eyes to see Ana peering down at me. I sit up rubbing my head “What happened to your eye?” I ignore her pulling on my sleeves
“What time is it?” I yawn.
“It’s almost 7” What? I face her “Come on, darling, you’re really late.”
She stands back as I put on my poorly held together shoes, then watches me run towards the mansion. I tied my hair back as best I could, opening the backdoors and walk inside. I clean off my shoes walking quickly to the kitchen.
Where is that stupid apron? Anna-Maria throws something at me, I catch it, but don’t thank her, wrapping the apron around my hips. Why do I keep screwing up?
“You’re late,” Mary remarks, slapping my head “You’re going to get in trouble.”
I rub the back of my head. Mary laughs at me and walks out of the kitchen. I pick up the tray of food, trying to remember what was right with it. I give up and then walk toward the stairs. My head was spinning.
Of course, I didn’t mean to wake up late. And it’s never a good idea to do anything that doesn’t meet his perfect expectations. I look down the empty hallway trying my best to balance a full tray of food whilst also balancing some cleaning supplies.
This isn’t easy. I go to my father’s bedroom and tried to knock on the door but it wasn’t successful so I just opened the door. I froze. Oh god no. A woman barely dressed glaring at me as she faced the bathroom “Charlie.”
“No, no, please don’t.” I drop the cleaning stuff outside of the room and lay the tray down. The bathroom door opens, and my father seemed confused before he noticed me trying to leave “I’m so sorry.”
He was furious. I close the door and let out a deep breath. What have I done?
I paced quickly down the hallway. My hand clenched tightly as I hear him following me. Oh god. He was staunching behind me, cursing my name under his breath. I turn around “Please, I’m so sorry--”
He grabs the side of my face shoving me into the wall “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” He gets closer to my face, his eyes turning a shade darker “Are you out of your fucking mind!” He shouts through his teeth.
My father shoves me into the wall “I’m really sorry-” He punches the wall making me jump. He wanted me to speak. He wanted me to say anything so he could hit me.
“You’re always sorry!”
He slaps me in the head again then knees me in the ribs. I groan and then fall onto the ground. My father grabs my hair tugging me up, he was so angry. His chest was heaving, and he was going to kill me “If you ever, do that again, I’m locking you in a closet do you understand?”
I cough into my hands, nodding my head “Yes, sir.”
Again he drops me. Then walks away shutting the door. I got up, leaving my cleaning supplies under the small table, running as fast as I could go outside. I step over the fence behind my room. My skirt got caught on the hooks in the process. I run through the woods.
I know I’m not allowed to be out here--I’m not allowed to do anything really.
My knees buckle and give up on me, I hold myself up with my weak arms staring into the darkness of the woods, then up to the swaying trees.
They whistle and laugh as the wind rips through them.
It was like they were laughing, at me. Or maybe just screaming at me. I sit on my knees closing my eyes “God, I hate him.” I whisper into my hands. It wasn’t fair. This cannot be normal. He once cut open my lips because interrupted him, I know that is not normal. The top of the mansion is visible still. That place holds too many memories for one girl to carry.
He makes me feel so, small and unimportant.
“Death would be less painful,” I whisper.
“Don’t be so sure.” A voice countered.