My mother was a shy woman especially about her sex life. When she had it out she did it in the bizarre knowledge that it had to be done in secret. But she also liked to share her experiences with us children. Remarking that it was a husband. There was like glazed expression on her face. She did not love her husband she said but when he arrived he was welcome.
Shops on Fridays on credit like the rest of the week. Then she wept as she was denied creditability that she would be acceptable as a creditor. She had no intention of paying because so much on tick.
Her good for nothing husband?
He never came home for him to be welcome. Her penury was a puss in her boot. She disliked that. She asked to be rich. So that she could become the ladylike woman who got on well. In nuptials said it was not allowed. Allowances had been made to her. She was this poor Zeks who had it rough because her husband kept on being a cruel man a bully a man who was a beast.
But mum loved a woman. You all now think you got it bad in the old days the worse thing was to be gay. Mum disapproved even of herself. But she could not help loving her loved one.
She did indeed she was a woman who disliked her husband hated him interfering with her. But that was marriage for you. One had to count the cost. And she did. He did not want for anything but to be near by to pay off credit companies and the landlord.
When he paid he was told she was too busy.
He on the other hand hated her to such an extent he would leave her on her own. She would wail in the knowledge that she would fall flat on her back again earning her keep satisfying men who were after her dear body.
So she just sat there crying all the time.
"The best years of my life with this."
Why did it happen that one grew up? She would never accept charity and disliked the thought of her family knowing she did the stuff she did. So she said shush.
Her good family her dearest nieces would be shocked by her plight. She shed tears for their innocence. She just hated them to know. They came bearing gifts and we never told.
She has since made our lives remarkable by leaving things in her will and as she did not know she would die such a rich woman. She has since passed into the cold light of day as something as strange as when she had been in the 1960's.
She has the will the will to move me forward why is she still on my mind making me speak about her tormented life? Because I promised her I would write a whole book or two about her life. The Napoleon in her responded to such stuff.
She had been robbed of her inheritance by my father. He had become the venom in her life. He had robbed her of her virtue he had robbed her of her childhood and she asked me to listen to what he had done.
She had become a go go topless dancer in a night club because of him. He had had sex with her when she had been eight. He had become the worse man in the kingdom pretending kindness and masking that which she had been. She had been a heir to some land which he had wanted he conned his way to their house and robbed them of everything.
Her mother who had been Gold and her boy friend had began a affair the nephew Ali yes our Ali. The creditor haunting her hounding even to England and eventually to her death.
Her mother's affair with Ali caused her to bring up the age old difficulties between age and old. What had happened was she had too been taken in. But Ali collected most of their land and fortune and swept her into whoredom.
Ali then said he was still owed land for all his troubles.
"What happened to the house?"
"I am certain you would not want to know. It is falling down like bit by bit. It is in need of resources which I do not now have. The land taken from under me as if I a mere nothing."
"Law." Said Z.
"In this world"? Mother was so used to saying the worst that she did not know that the children were too young. I was the oldest child. She was assuming that we were adults in there. I silenced my doubts. Did feed the kids and asked mother if she needed something. She shook with the rage of it all. Why she so shaken I wondered it was only a story was it not?
"I know what that is like a rug is not it when they do that in a game?"
"Yes it was." Jeered mother. Her lips had that awkwardness as if she was about to cry. There was something so akin to the paintings of suffering in the chapel of the church in the school I used to go to.
Like the mother and the virgin and all that. I thought she was going to be a common woman. I think they must have been common in the old days. I got confused.
She was a confused child. She was a virgin at eight when she reached the grand total she had not done well in school. She had not been good at anything except singing she sang like a Nightingale. The quake happened and her lover known now as a brother. People forget they do not understand memory is what one is told daily.
Her brother the brother of Satan more like. He came under various disguises disgusting perversions and they were engaged when she was fourteen. But she was caught out again. She was nearly sent to jail for something she had not done. Stealing is wrong she said.
But the wrist watch was filled with diamonds and rubies.
Her lover such fun and then he fled left her to become the food fodder for the mass of people who joked that she stole now. They shunned her. She was already bad and that made it worse.
In a small town one smell can cause out break of diseases and disasters.
"Why mother what is the matter with you why was the man your brother such a monster?"
"He then said I was ugly."
"I am sorry who told you that mother?"
"He ,,, Never mind."
"Too young I shouldn't have told you."
"Forget about it. Just forget."
"Is the pain really bad?"
"Spent my life thinking how to do something and when the opportunity knocks there is nothing I can do."
"What is it mother?"
"I know." Said B and she did know she was a brilliant little baby.
"Fiddlesticks how would you know you are barely enough like a doll."
"But I do know." Sighed B.
"Both of you leave this room."
"Because I asked you too."
"Come B let us play at emptying the potty."
"That game again?"
"Well I always run faster than you do."