Chapter 6 : Why?
January 15th, Friday, 7:23 am
I feel someone shaking me awake, so I slowly open my eyes and turn my head.
“Mommy, are you ok?” Lovey whispered, Lovey’s wearing her uniform and backpack, her hair is also in 2 cute braided pigtails, I knew I saw Isaac watching hair-styling videos.
“No, I’m ok,” I say sitting up on the bed.
“Then can you bring me to school?” Lovey asked tilting her head to the side.
“Love, I told you not to bother your mom.” I hear Isaac say in the doorway, he’s all dressed up for work and a glass of water in hand.
“Sorry, daddy.” Isaac’s face softened.
“Get in the car,” Isaac said nodding his head out the door. Lovey gave me a hug, and I kissed the top of her head. she slipped off the bed and before leaving the room she gasped.
“Wait, daddy, can I warm up the car?”
“K, Here,” Isaac said throwing Lovey the keys
“Bye mommy, feel better,” Lovey says running out of the room, I can still hear the faint jingling of the keys.
“Here,” Isaac said handing me the cold glass of water, I can still see my hands shaking.
“You could have killed me,” I say feeling salty.
“Hmm? what I remember you saying was, Fuck I love it, fuck me harder,” Isaac said in my ear, I started to blush.
“You have no proof.”
“Then maybe when I come back tonight we’ll have to do it again,” he says
“Hell no,” I said playfully making Isaac chuckle, he then pecks me on the lips.
“Bye,” I say with a smile.
“Bye, Isaac said now walking towards then out the door, Isaac quietly shut the door and I sat back resting my head on the headboard. I put the glass of water onto my bedside table, I start to scroll on Instagram, then I get a notification, I look at the user’s name and it says, Michael Morell.
My heart drops to my stomach, and I feel my hands start to shake, and not just because of what Isaac and I did last night, but because fear and rage seem to be bubbling up inside of me at the same time, the notification disappears and I quickly go to my DMs, Michael texted me saying “Can we talk.”
I really want to run and hide, but that seems to be what I’ve been doing my whole entire life, and you can see how well that’s going for me. I don’t want to let him win, after what he did to me he deserves nothing but the worst in my truest opinion. He was my first everything, my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time, my first love, and now, my first baby daddy.
I need to face him, I need to let him know the way he made me feel, and maybe kick him in the balls, several times, even if it won’t do anything, at least it’ll make me feel a little better.
Play, Give Me a Reason, by BENNETT here.
I decided to wear a long teddy bear coat, a hoodie on the inside, sneakers and tights at the cafe, we both agreed to meet. At this point my heart is beating so fast in my chest, every step I take closer to the cafe I start to feel sick, but I can’t seem to stop walking.
I walk into the modern-looking cafe, and since there aren’t as many people in the cafe I can straight away see the back of his head in a far-off two-seater booth, I gulp, my hands feel clammy, I grip my purse. But I still tread on, determined to give this dick a piece of my fucking mind.
As soon as I get closer to the booth Michael turns his head, he gives me a once-over and looks surprised.
“H hey,” he says standing up looking nervous, he rubs the back of his head nervously like he always does, it reminds me of all the times he’s called me pretty or how he looked after kissing me, it reminds me of my gullibility and idiocy, to think he actually cared for me, I scoff at the thought. I sit in the booth across from him and he sits as well.
I feel like I can hear the loud thumping of my heart through my chest, and I wonder if he can hear it too. I'm determined to look strong even though I don't feel it, either way, I break the silence.
“Well, why am I here Michael?” I say bitterly.
“Oh, umm yeah.” Michael looks down at his coffee cup.
" I just want to talk about what happened, it’s been weighing on me for so long now, and I just can’t hold in it anymore. And now that I’m here, it feels like the best time to say this, Michael looks back up at me.
“I am, so so sorry for what happened, I was a kid, and I got spooked, and I know that’s not an excuse for the pain and anguish I put you through, I am so sorry, could you ever forgive me.”
I don't know what comes over me, it was like a wave of pure hot anger shot through me, I'm seeing red, and the fact that I'm craving grapefruit is not helping.
" Michael, I loved you, I told you all of my secrets and hopes and dreams, and when I needed you the most you left me, you just threw me to the curb like I was garbage. I sat at your doorstep for what felt like hours in the freezing fucking cold in hopes that you would come through that door and hug me, and tell me that you loved me and that I was going to be okay."
"But you didn't, instead your sister conveyed the message that I apparently needed to hear, I was having your baby and you blocked me like I was some obsessive fan. And yeah, you were just a kid but I was a kid too, I was 15."
"Come on Rowan this isn't healthy," David said banging on the door, I had locked myself in his guest room, after that cold night that felt even colder without the warmth of Michael's arms I felt dead inside.
"Rowan, come on, please," David said his voice is getting weaker, David slid his fist down the door then he rested his forehead on it.
"Rowan, please," Davids her voice sounded more like a whisper, he was pleading with me, but all I could do was sit on the floor with my knees up to my chest having that moment when Michael blocked me replaying in my head.
I couldn't even cry anymore, and I thought maybe my tear ducts just dried out, and that made me feel even more pathetic was that my brother was pleading with me to eat something, to feel something but I just can't bring myself to.
I'm so selfish.
Maybe I should just get rid of it, everything would go back to normal, I would plead for my parent's forgiveness, go to school and keep my head down, and even though I'll be seeing his face every day at least it will start to hurt less, Maybe I won't feel this hole in my heart.
"And the thing that pisses me off, even more? The only reason why you're apologizing to me is because you feel like a shity person, you never even stopped to consider what might have happened to me, you never even stopped to consider how much I love you." my voice starts to crack, and tears to start to well up in my eyes.
"Well guess what Michael, you are a shity person, and I want you to live with that for the rest of your stupid miserable life because loving you is like a full-time job." I get up from the booth and aim for the door.
"Rowan!" Michael calls my name, and I whip my head around.
"What!?" I practically scream my voice bouncing off the walls in the cafe, at this point, everyone is staring and even though I'm going to be embarrassed about this later at this moment I just don't care.
"Did you have the baby?" my blood is boiling, the level of anger I feel can never be measured, he just wanted to know if I had a kid that he never even wanted in the first place. I told him once and it left me broken and battered, but I will be damned if I tell him again.
He could hurt me, he can break my heart a thousand times, but he can never hurt my child, my little Love.
I looked at him right in the eye, with a stoic expression on my face.
I'm in the kitchen cooking, and I'm cutting bell peppers, the crimson of the bell pepper is the same colour as my emotions, after so many hours I'm still angry, and I'm having terrible migraines.
"Hey." I hear Isaac say in the doorway, it startles, me I couldn't hear him over my splitting headache and anger, I jump back in surprise.
"Jesus Isaac," I yell.
"Whoa," Isaac said putting his hands up in defence."I just walked into the kitchen," Isaac said confused.
"Will, say something next time," I say then go back to cutting the bell peppers angrily. Isaac slowly walked over to me and touched my shoulder.
"Are you o-"
"Stop fucking touching me," I say while gripping the knife tightly in my hand and gritting my teeth. Isaac backed away in order to not get cut.
"Why are you so mad?" Isaac questioned, I don't really have a reason to be mad at Isaac, I just feel like I need to be mad at someone or something.
"It's nothing," I say then immediately after I start to feel a sharp pain in my stomach, I let out a sharp scream of pain, and drop the knife, letting it clatter on the floor. Isaac rushes over to me.
"Are you okay?" he said with his eyes wide and frazzled.
" I'm fine," I say slowly standing upright but still holding my stomach, then another sharp wave to my stomach comes along and it's unbearable. I fall to the ground holding my stomach, and I whale, Isaac falls with me.
" Isaac please call an ambulance," I say gripping his suit.
Sorry for the super late post, tomorrow's post will be earlier, hopefully.