Chapter 29 – Tabby
“Dr MacKendrick is ready to see you,” the receptionist told me.
“I will be out here waiting for you,” my mother reassured me.
I nodded and stood up from the chair in the waiting room and entered Dr MacKendrick office.
“Hello Tabitha,” Dr MacKendrick said when I opened the door.
“Good morning, Dr MacKendrick,” I said politely as I closed the door behind me.
“Please call me Elizabeth,” Dr MacKendrick told me.
Elizabeth would have been in her late twenties. She had long red hair and dark brown eyes. There was something about her smile that was comforting to me.
I sat down on the couch in front of her chair.
“How are you, Tabitha?” she asked.
“Alright, I guess,” I answered.
“I have read your file,” Elizabeth told me. “And I understand your situation.”
I looked blankly out her, waiting for her to judge me for it.
“Why haven’t you been eating, Tabitha?” Elizabeth asked me.
“I’m just never hungry,” I told her.
“Do you know why you have experienced a loss of appetite,” Elizabeth questioned me.
“I'm not sure,” I said. “Nurse Caroline said I was stressed.”
“What has happened lately that could have caused you to become stressed?” Elizabeth asked.
“School work,” I said.
“Is it too hard?” she asked me.
I nodded. “It has always been too hard,” I replied weakly.
“Then why don’t you ask for help?” Elizabeth asked.
I stayed silence, my eyes returned to the floor again. “I don’t know,” I finally answered.
“Your condition is never to be ashamed of Tabitha,” Elizabeth told me.
I looked up to face her. “How would you know?” I asked. “You don’t have it.”
“Tabitha, you have a diagnosis. The teachers at your school are obligated to give you extra assistances because of it.” Elizabeth told me. “You need to use that to your advantage.”
I nodded in response.
“What can you say about Maya Khalsa?” Elizabeth asked as she effortlessly changed the subject.
“I didn’t know her,” I told Elizabeth. “Not personally.”
“But her death affected you?” Elizabeth asked.
I nodded. “I was friends with the ones that...” I trailed off and fell silence, my eyes turning to the floor
“Bullied her?” Elizabeth asked.
I nodded in response.
“Maya’s death isn’t your fault,” Elizabeth told me.
I looked up at Elizabeth, “it is my fault,” I told her; tears were appearing in my eyes. “I didn’t stop them. Not once.” I began to cry, my head resting on my hands.
Elizabeth moved from her chair and placed a hand on my shoulder. “You can’t save Maya, Tabitha,” she told me. “Maya is gone.”
“I know,” I said as I began to cry harder.
“But you can save the next girl,” Elizabeth told me.
I looked up at Elizabeth and wiped the tears from my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Stand up to your friends,” Elizabeth told me. “That way you can help the next girl.”
I shook my head. “I can’t stand up to Angelica,” I told Elizabeth. “If I do she will tell everyone what I am.”
Elizabeth looked at me sadly. “Do you consider ending it?” She asked.
“Do you mean suicide?” I asked nervously. Elizabeth nodded. “I thought about it,” I told her. “A lot actually.”
“More now that Maya is dead?” Elizabeth asked. I nodded. “Why not end it then?” Elizabeth asked. “You are stressed and miserable. What's keeping you going, Tabitha?”
I looked at Elizabeth dead in the eye. “I can’t let them win.”
“Let who win, Tabitha?” Elizabeth asked me. I could tell she was slightly confused at this point.
“Angelica and Xavior,” I told her. I felt the tears reappearing in my eyes. “If I kill myself, they'll win. I can’t let them win. They've taken too much away from me already. My life is all I have left, and I am not letting them have the satisfaction of knowing that they were the ones that made me want to end it.”
Elizabeth smiled at me sadly. “Hate is a strong motive to keep going.”