Out In The Wind

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CHAPTER 37

Sometimes you don’t need to know where you’re going. You just need to trust that you are going forward and not backward. That’s exactly what went through my mind when I climbed into the car next to Mister Watson. For all I knew he could have been taking me somewhere to rape me. Gosh, with the kinks he was into he might have even opted to kill me, but anything was better than what I had this morning. I would gladly take death at this point. I am tired of fighting. Tired of wanting everything to change and being willing to sell my body and soul to change it. At this point I just can’t relive the past few months. I can’t anymore.

“How are you feeling?” Mister Watson asks as we turn yet another corner. We are driving into a part of town I can’t recall ever having visited in the past.

“Tired,” I mutter, examining my finger nails for something to do. They aren’t nearly as neat as they used to be at a stage before everything started happening and falling apart, but at least they were clean.

“Didn’t sleep well last night?” he asks. There’s a little bit of a smile on his face. Maybe he sees himself as some awesome hero, having saved me from a terrible fate, but then again, he doesn’t understand that he can’t really save me. Nobody can. This was just today. Tomorrow I might be willing to do even more. I could be even more desperate to try and help my mom and little sister.

“Not that. Just tired in general,” I answer. I have no idea why I said that. I don’t usually just spill all my emotions, but it’s the truth. I am tired. Tired of everything mainly.

“I’m sorry about what happened between us. If I had any idea… Well, let’s just say… There was no way I would have enjoyed it if I knew…”

I can hear the words make him nervous. Maybe he is really feeling guilty, but it doesn’t matter to me. I don’t judge him for what he did to me. He didn’t really even do anything wrong at all I guess. He never knew, and I trust him that he would not have gone through with it if he knew it was me.

“It’s okay. I got really turned on as well. You have a really good body for your age,” I answer trying my very best to make a little light of the situation. I could have told him that I really like the fact that he has a six pack, or that I think he has a great looking dick, but I guess that would make things too awkward.

“Still. It’s not something I am proud off,” he answers. “And I would really like to help you Cory, if you’d let me.”

“Don’t make offers you can’t keep,” I answer, going back to studying my nails. If there is one thing I have learned is that nobody just wants to help with nothing in return. And sure, he might want to help me, but what about my family? We are a package deal for the most of it.

“I wouldn’t make the offer if I didn’t believe I could see it through.”

I stop looking at my nails and turn my body to face him.

“Please pull over,” I ask calmly.

“Why?” he replies, but he starts slowing down the car almost immediately.

“I want to talk to you and I want you to look me in the eye,” I answer. I have no idea where I am getting the guts to do this, but I can’t help myself.

When we stop, he turns off the car and turns toward me, looking me dead in the eyes.

“Yes Cory?” he asks. He doesn’t move a muscle and as usually in his presence I feel the shrink in him stepping forward.

“What do you want in return? Want me to suck you off every now and again? Maybe even allow you to fuck me or something?”

I know I am being rude. I know he could probably ask me to get the hell out of his car immediately, but I need to know the truth. Sure, if he’s willing to help my family it would probably not be the worst thing in the world to become his personal toy. His little gay bitch. But he won’t make this decision for me. I will not be forced into it. If that’s what I need to do, I will probably do it. But I need to make the decision. I need to be in control. I need to be the one to accept some kind of offer he makes me.

“No Cory. I won’t expect anything of you. Well, maybe not nothing. I might expect you to resume your school career,” he answers. “You’re a cute kid, and I am far from a dinosaur, but let’s be honest. I am way too old for you.”

“You didn’t think that an hour ago. You didn’t even ask my age when you came into that room,” I answer, almost accusingly. If I really wanted him to help me I was doing a pretty lousy job at that.

“Earlier was a mistake.”

“Was it really? You can’t say you didn’t want it. That you didn’t enjoy it,” I answer. I want to stick my entire foot in my mouth, but I can’t help the rude words from slipping out. I can’t help the anger radiating from my. I don’t think I’m angry at him. He was just being human, but I am angry at the rest of the world and right now he is in the direct line of fire.

“Cory… I am still a man. My body responds in certain ways…” Mister Watson answers. I know he wants to look away but I will him to keep his eyes focused on mine. I need to see truth in there.

“And if I touched you right now? If I gave you a blowjob right now? Even knowing that it’s me? Would you get turned on?” I ask. I know my eyes are piercing his. I know he must taste my anger at him.

“That would not happen,” he sighs.

“That’s not what I asked. I didn’t ask whether it would happen or not. I asked if it would turn you on?” I answer. I watch as he swallows hard. His Adams apple bobbing up and down nervously.

“Yes. Yes, it would. I am still human. My body responds,” he answers slowly in an almost inaudible whisper.

“Okay,” I answer turning back and looking out the windscreen of the car. There’s a mother holding the hand of a little girl, probably seven or eight years old. I wish I could be that kid. I wish I could be that innocent again, just holding my mom’s hand and knowing she will keep me safe. I long for any time in the past that was less complicated than what I am dealing with at this moment in time.

“Would you mind dropping me off at the mall please?” I ask, suddenly feeling like a child again. One who did something very wrong and knew that he was going to be punished very soon, but who also knew that the longer he kept quiet about it, the worse it would get.

“I’d rather not Cory. I’d like you to come with me. We can call your mother and we can start working on a plan to get you guys back on your feet. I told you I’d help you and I promise I will do my best to make it happen,” Mister Watson says as he starts up the car again.

“Sure. But not now. There is something I need to do first. Someone I need to see. There’s someone that deserves the truth.”

“Is this about the boy in your life? Are you still together?” Mister Watson asks.

“Not for much longer, but having your heart broken is probably better than living a lie,” I answer. I know when Patrick finds out he will never talk to me again, but then that has to be how the cookie crumbles I guess. In time he will find out in any case. I can’t see Jaycee keeping his mouth shut about what happened.

“He might surprise you and understand,” Mister Watson says as the car turns around to go back to the direction we came from, back toward where the mall is located.

I take out my phone and text Patrick, asking him to meet me at Bookstairs as soon as he can. As soon as I receive a positive answer from Patrick, telling me he will see me soon I turn my face back to Mister Watson who keeps his eyes on the road.

“Aren’t you afraid anyone will find out what you had done? That Jaycee might tell everyone about what happened and that you might lose your job?” I ask. This time I’m not angry. I don’t accuse. I simply ask because I trust him. Because I know that sometimes you do stupid things without thinking and that’s okay as well.

“Maybe. But then again, like you have said. Sometimes heartache is better than continuing to live a lie,” he answers as the mall comes in to view. “I’ll drop you off at the mall, but you phone me before the sun goes down. You can’t allow your mom to sleep in a car another night. I will help you Cory. I really will.”

“But what is the catch?” I ask. If there is anything I have learned is that everything people do for you comes at a price.

“Nothing,” he answers. After he thinks for a while he adds; “On second thought there is something.”

And just like that all hope seems to fade away again. The hope of having somewhere to go to with no strings attached. All hope that there is maybe one person who seems to actually care without any conditions.

“Yes?” I ask, dreading his answer. Hoping that it won’t be something too bad. Sure, I could for my mom and sister give him blowjobs when he wants, but I also know it will take everything in me to do so.

“You go back to school and you finish. You finish with good grades. The ones I know you can achieve,” he answers with a smile.

It’s like I can feel the relief washing over me as we stop in front of the mall where Mister Watson makes me type his number into my phone before I climb out of the car.

“Do we have a deal? You go back to school?” he asks.

For the first time in what seems like forever, even though I knew I smiled this morning at Patrick, I break into a smile. I can’t help but wonder if somewhere in an alternative universe this day lasted forever and that’s why this morning feels so long ago to me.

“You’ve got a deal,” I answer closing the car door and walking away to confront Patrick with a truth I don’t even know if I can admit freely to myself yet.

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