Elaine had, had another sleepless night but she had tossed and turned and decided that she would go and see Mike. She did not want the thought that he could die without them properly saying goodbye. Just because she had decided to see him in hospital, did not mean that she was prepared to forgive him or take him back.
Charlotte had driven Elaine to Frenchay Hospital and now she was just sitting waiting with Charlotte for news of Mike. She should not really care what happened to him but despite what he had done to her Elaine still loved and cared for Mike and did not want to see him ill. She hated the waiting in hospital, though she had Charlotte by her side her thoughts were wandering. She hated just sitting around and waiting more than she hated hospitals. There were many things she disliked about hospitals and one of those was waiting for news of a loved one. Could Mike still be classed as a loved one? That seemed to be a question that was running around in her head and the question made her feel so alone, even though she was with her best friend. She really just wanted to know that Mike would be better again and then she could face the decision of what she should do next.
Finally a doctor approached Elaine and Charlotte and asked for Mrs Fear, which Elaine answered to, before asking, “How is he?”
“That is what I need to talk to you regarding and I would prefer we do this in my office in private, if you would like to follow me.”
Elaine obeyed and followed the doctor into his office. She could not help but think the worse, doctors only wanted to talk privately when there was something sensitive to discuss. However, she had now taken a seat and refused a drink. She did not want any of the pleasantries; she was just desperate to know how Mike was.
“As you know Mike took an overdose and he was found fighting for his life. I hate having to depart this news but you may well have to face that fact that Mike may never recover from this. Of course, I could be wrong and with the course of time we will discover whether Mike is a fighter or not”.
Elaine was beside herself by news. “What do you mean if he is a fighter or not? He will not die though right?”
“Unfortunately as I say this is something which is in Mike’s hands. He either chooses whether he survives or dies. I also have to ask a very personal question but I need to ask this so that we can determine Mike’s mental state. Was there anything which might suggest Mike would try to take his life?”
This was the moment that Elaine was dreading so it took her a while to reply to the doctor’s question, how could she address what Mike had done to her?
“I have a very simple answer to that. I guess he was more remorseful than I thought he would be about something, which he did against me. He was full of guilt and why? Let me tell you he raped his own wife; yes me, his wife. Naturally I left him and because he was so used to having me around, he could not face life alone so he did this”.
The doctor was naturally shocked by what he had heard. Attempted suicide was often a cry for help and he had seen and heard the effects which that caused and often after committing rape but it did not make it any easier to accept.
“I cannot imagine how you feel but what happened, happened and I guess the only advice I can give is to consider whether you still love him or not and whether you can leave your husband in this state”.
Now Elaine was feeling guilty but what had she got to feel guilty about? And to the other statement of whether she still loved him or not, how could she deal with that one? Also she was very aware of the vows that she had made when she married Mike, ’in sickness and in health’, the situation was both of those but what if she did stay around until Mike was better and he took it that she still wanted to be with him, despite the situation that made her leave in the first place? If she did that he would assume that he had been forgiven and that was something Elaine could not and would not do.
Everything was a mess and all because what should have been an intimate moment of passion between a man and wife had been shattered when things had progressed too far without consent.
Elaine was so dazed by all that had happened at the hospital that she could not recall the journey home. There were more questions in her head than she could answer.
Charlotte had made them both a drink before comforting her.
“I know there must be a lot of thoughts in your head and as always whenever you need to talk I will be here. Only you can make the decisions you need to make but whatever I am definitely going nowhere.”
Charlotte was a really good friend to Elaine. She always knew how to make Elaine smile inside, even if she was not smiling on the outside.
“Now I do not know how you will react to this one but how about we treat ourselves to a spa, some lunch and then invite a few friends out and go to Bristol and party? Live our youth again and go for a drink and dancing. You always used to love that. I know we are both older now and should have grown out of that but never does any harm to let your hair down once in a while, so what do you think?”
Elaine liked the idea but was it too soon? She said this to Charlotte, who replied. “Only you know whether it is too soon or not for enjoying yourself but it would be a good night to forget all your troubles for one night and hey you might even meet a decent bloke.”
The only thing Elaine was not sure of about that conversation was the ’hey you might even meet a decent bloke’. Mike had been a decent bloke for the many years she had known him until he showed the other side of him, the darker and no longer decent bloke side.
“I would love to do what you said but the meet a decent bloke is not in my cards at the moment. I would find it hard to be friendly and trusting of a man since my ordeal”.
“That is understandable. It will be a good night and I do not know about you but I am looking forward to it already so let us party…party…party”.