Dark Places

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Chapter 6

It was now July 2014 and Elaine was having fun and making the most of her life, the best she could after her ordeal and things looked a little happier for her but what of Mike? How was he coping after his overdose and attempted suicide?

Mike was still in hospital. He was conscious now and a lot more alert and though it would be a long one he was on the road to recovery. Mike did not realise it now but he would eventually. He would see that suicide and drug overdose was not the answer or cure to his problems. He had been a very lucky man and his survival had to be taken as a sign, that he had been given a second chance and another chance to change his life’s path but how could he do that without Elaine in his life?

Mike had no idea that Elaine had already started to take her second chance on the path of life. He did not know at the time that Elaine had not forgotten him but was learning to try and live her life without him. He certainly would not be able to imagine Elaine partying and having a good time with her friends and the meeting of a potential new partner. That thought of Elaine with another man, sharing her love for him would tear him apart. It was best at this time that he knew none of this.

Mike’s thoughts of Elaine upset him. He knew it was over between them when he woke from his coma to find that she was not sitting next to him. She was not there praying for him. Not there to comfort him, and when his thoughts came back he shed a tear as he missed her so much but knew that he would never see her again. He did not know that she had visited him. He should be feeling he was lucky to be alive but Mike was so alone. He was a likable person to know but had very few friends, which was something he needed around him in his hour of need. A tear rolled down his cheek. He knew it was only himself to blame for the way his life was now but that thought cut like a knife and hurt him so much.

“Oh Mike, what is this all about then?” asked Nurse Bryant doing her usual ward rounds and seeing Mike upset.

Mike just continued to sob. “There, there Mike. I know you are confused and lonely at this moment in time but we are releasing you from hospital in a few days”. This made Mike smile a little. That was the best news he could ever hear but he was not feeling that, he could improve and move to somewhere else but his heart and mind would still be broken.

“You will leave here but we have a place for you at Langdon House in their Avon House part of the development. Now this place is in Dawlish so I know it is not as close to Blagdon as you would like to be but the assessment tests we made showed that we need to treat you for a mental illness. I know you will be thinking ‘I am not mental’ but when there are signs of depression then mental illness is diagnosed. What it means is you will be somewhere that can take care of you and can also offer help and advice.

The accommodation recommended is a 14 bed, low secure forensic mental health unit. It provides care and treatment and encouragement so that you can live independently again and you help plan your care and there is a fenced garden, which offers multi games such as football and there is a room where your visitors can come and see you. I know this is a lot to take in so I have Avon House’s information leaflet for you to read. Any questions just ask”.

Mike had long stopped crying and was starting to smile more. This was the first time in a while that Mike had wanted to smile. His problems were still there but for a while he had to start putting a brave face on them.

“There it is. I was told you had a smile that women fell for and now I know what they mean”.

Though he was smiling on the outside, inside he was sad. The smile may be something women fell for when they first encountered Mike, along with other qualities he had but he did not want other women. He wanted Elaine back so much. However, whenever he thought of what he had with her and how much he missed her, it made him even more unhappy; worse than that it made his depression more dark and bleak. He knew he would have to get over her and just face the truth that he would never have Elaine back in his life.

Mike could not even talk to Elaine about how he felt. He would not expect forgiveness from her but to be able to talk and explain things would start to ease his mind a little. However he was sure that she had not visited or called for some time.

He wondered what Elaine was doing now that they were separated but that only made matters even worse because he did not want to think of some other man loving his woman, making her smile, laugh, touching her, caressing her and doing things that he loved doing with her and should be doing with her. Maybe he would have to move on and leave Elaine in her new world, whilst he pursued his and maybe a new flame was waiting out there for him.

He knew his first need was to sort himself out. He would need to able to learn to live life independently, something, which he had never had to do before. Life had stopped being just him when he met and fell in love with Elaine so he would find it hard to adjust and cope on his own but he knew the facts, and knew that it was something that he would have to face up to.

He would have to start a new life and this time he would make more of an effort to do things with his life, rather than living in Elaine’s world. He would have to start manning up and standing up for himself more. He would also have to learn to live on his own and search out new activities and new friends. When he considered it, his life could be seen as quite boring as he had no real interests and very few friends but that was something he was determined to rectify when he could come up with ideas of things to do. At least these thoughts were part of the process that he needed to think about if he wanted to bounce back and get out of this hospital that he was staying in. He knew his next move would be to the rehabilitation centre, Avon House and perhaps that was something he needed so that he could face his future with the care of others. After all he was not ill in body, just in the mind and the only person who could cure that would be he, himself. It would still be a long road but again the length of time he would stay in Avon House would be up to him and how co-operative and willing he was going to be to get better. It also depended on what the future laid ahead for him.

A few weeks later on July 18th, Mike was dressing himself and packing his case. He was finally leaving Frenchay Hospital and heading to Avon House. He found it strange that he was actually looking forward to the move and the thought that he would get better again, not that his world would ever be better without Elaine but he would be positive about the situation as often as he could.

However, Mike knew that whenever he had positive thoughts, the darkness would return again and his world would go black and he could no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. He would enter the tunnel with light but sometimes come out with darkness and that was definitely something he needed to sort out in his life, as he hated those feelings. He certainly did not wish to live his life with those dark feelings.

He would be going home one day soon, but what was this home he was going to? His home should have been back to the comfort of Elaine but the only prospect of going home he faced was going to an empty, unfriendly building, that he was calling home at the moment but would never truly be his home. The house he had shared with Elaine was just bricks and mortar without her and there were too many memories and his heart certainly would never be happy there again. He knew full well whatever state of mind he was in that he was the only one to blame in this situation, if he had not raped Elaine he would have still been her husband, lover and friend but he threw that away that unfaithful night so what else could he expect of his life? Whatever darkness Mike was facing now might well become very much worse.

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