1.1: Time Passed
Her bouncing on my dick was hurting more than I was enjoying it. This sex was boring. This girl was boring. She claimed to love wild and rough sex, but she hadn’t the faintest idea what that really meant. She was just fucking fast and that shit wasn’t pleasurable at all. I wanted to throw her off of me and kick her out, but I also felt like I deserved this punishment being thrown at me. I deserved the bad sex and all the pain that was coming with it.
“Fuck me Sterling! Fuck, I’ve never had a dick this big before.” she screamed her voice hurting my ears from how shrill it was. I didn’t like any of this and I didn’t really know how I found myself in this situation, but I guess it was something I deserved.
I pushed her away and I let my pride get in the way of fighting for what I wanted. I was jealous because for the first time she needed help and it wasn’t me she called; it was Austin. It left a bad taste in my mouth and I reacted like an immature child. I was left regretting it, but there was nothing I could do about it anymore. I lost.
“Oh! I’m cumming! I’m cumming!” she cried as her body spasmed on top of me and she collapsed panting against my chest. “Was it good for you too?” she asked and I cringed. I hated that question.
“My job is to please you.” I responded robotically. These one night stands had kind of become my thing after my girlfriend dumped me because I’d accidentally called her by Violet’s name. They were getting worse and worse and my response had become automatic. I knew the problem was me because they all seemed to enjoy themselves as much as possible. The only time I enjoyed myself was the one time I imagined it was her. I was still with my girlfriend then.
She’s been different since we left. It’s been weeks and she’s just not the same. I’ll give it to her, she tries her hardest to make sure I don’t feel it. I know the truth though. Whatever happened between her and Sterling that last night while I was asleep shattered the major part of her that I loved. I wanted to ask but I also felt like it wasn’t my place to intrude. I’d intruded on them and their relationship enough, almost destroying us all. I’d won the girl and that should have been enough, but somehow it still felt like I’d lost.
She wasn’t the same. Everything that I once loved about her was gone. Her smile no longer stretched across her face to the point it looked like it hurt her cheeks. Her eyes didn’t sparkle the way they always had before. It was a harsh slap into reality realizing the sparkle that I loved so much was due to my brother being there or her talking about my brother. Everything that I loved about her, he brought out of her without a second thought and I struggled just to get even a glimpse of it. I didn’t know what to do anymore and I was too prideful to call Sterling and ask him for the codes. Instead I wallowed in the half-assed friendship, barely a relationship, thing we were doing until I couldn’t take it anymore.
Now I couldn’t take it anymore and I still had no idea what to do.
The days seemed to drag and I spent most of them hoping he would call. Hell, I wished he would send a text. I wasn’t looking for an apology or for him to beg me to come back. I would’ve been okay with one text consisting of only one word. One accidental butt dial. Something just to hear his voice or know he was alright, but apparently that was too much to ask for. Apparently just having my friend still after everything was asking for too much.
It’s been a month since I left.
Two months since he made the choice to leave me completely.
A month since I finally spoke what had always been unspoken between us.
Two months since I almost lost my life.
A month since I turned my back on my best-friend for the first time ever.
Two months since the last time I’d been with him sexually.
A full month has passed since the last time he broke my heart and no matter what I do it seems like I will always be heartbroken by him.
Sterling was more than I could put into words; yet, I could still describe him perfectly. Austin has never been a mystery to me. He was borderline predictable and although I hated to admit it, predictability was boring. Still, I wanted to give him a fair chance. After everything, it was the least that I could do. I hadn’t been fair to him at all for as long as I could remember. I didn’t have the guts to call him what he was…what he’d always been. It was clear that he knew though and the harder he strove to make things better the more I pushed away.
I was back to not wanting a relationship again, but I was too chicken shit to call him the rebound that he was. For now I just wanted to relax and allow my heart to heal, but it seemed that he didn’t understand. They never did. Somehow I’d found myself back in the situation that began all of this in the first place.
Once again that boy had broken my heart and I found myself crying to that other person and ended up letting him comfort me again. The only difference… that other person and I were no longer a secret.