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Dear Diary

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Summary

Life can be hard. It can be harder when you have disabilities. It's even harder when life seems to constantly hand you a bad hand. Bad romance, tragedy, love, The determination to overcome obsticles This story revolves around Sandra, who is a 21 year old epileptic going to college for education, living under her parents’ roof. Sandra has a boyfriend named Jack who is 3 months younger. At this point in time, Sandra and Jack have been dating for two years. “Are you coming over today? Sara’s gonna be making meatloaf when she comes home from work, it’ll be delicious.” Michael, a fat guy with brown hair says to Sandra. “No, I’m actually having dinner with Jack today.” Sandra, a tall girl with long, black curly hair and glasses replies back.

Genre:
Drama / Romance
Author:
Serge Zenon III
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
10
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
18+

Chapter 1: The Beginning

“Are you coming over today? Sara’s gonna be making meatloaf when she comes home from work, it’ll be delicious.” Michael, a fat guy with brown hair says to Sandra.

“No, I’m actually having dinner with Jack today.” Sandra, a tall girl with long, black curly hair and glasses replies back.

“I wish you would break up with him already, he treats you like shit.”

“Stop worrying about my relationship; I think I can deal with him by myself.”

“He’s gonna break your heart, Sandra.”

“Let me deal with that when it comes.”

“Look, as your best friend, my advice would be to just let him go, you’ll find someone better.”

“Oh, what? Like you? You’re married, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Hey, I made myself available, and you just didn’t take the offer.”

“Wha-? That’s bullshit, Michael!! I asked you countless times and you always said no.”

“I don’t recall you ever asking me out.”

“Know what? I don’t have time for this bullshit, I’m leaving, and class has been over for fifteen minutes now.”

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I’m holding you up, just go.”

“I’ll see you on Monday. Can’t wait-finals!” she says sarcastically.

“Alright, have fun Sandy.” Sandra leaves the Community College building and walks to the bus stop. She waits until one comes by and she gets on. She gets off and walks down the block to her house. She walks in and heads upstairs to change for her date.

“Hey Lizzie. Chuck, could you step out for a few minutes, I have to change” Sandra says as she walks into her room that she shares, Chuck leaves the room.

“Hey sis.” Lizzie, a medium height girl with short curly black hair responds.

“What’s up?”

“Nothin, you?”

“Got a date.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s at six.”

“It’s only three, why are you getting ready now?” Sandra finishes dressing and puts a bottle of perfume in her purse.

“I’m going to visit Francine before I go.”

“Aha, got ya.”

“Yeah, so I’ll see ya later.” She heads downstairs, and walks out, getting back on the bus and gets dropped off on Francine’s block. She walks up to the door and knocks. Francine, a tall girl with long, straight black hair opens the door. “Oh hey.”

“Oh hey, I didn’t see you there.” Francine responds.

“I’m here, pass me the blunt.”

“You got it, come on in.” So Sandra walks in and sits on the couch. “So what’s up?”

“Eh, nothin, I got a date with my boyfriend later.”

“So, why are you here?”

“To hang out.”

“And?”

“Cause I wanna get high.”

“That’s a good answer, you deserve this.” Francine passes the blunt over to Sandra and Sandra takes a couple of hits and passes it to Lawrence, Francine’s boyfriend.

“So, what have you been up to?”

“Same shit, different day.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“Eh, not really.” There is a knock at the door. “Ooh, delivery is here.” Lawrence gets up and lets the person in. “Alright Zakk, that’s, what, two twenty?”

“Yeah, are you sure you don’t need anything else?”

“Nope, don’t deal with anything else, sorry buddy.”

“Eh, it’s alright, I’ll ask Frank. Oh, right, he’s in jail.”

“Just get out before I bust a capillary.”

“Fine.” Zakk leaves.

“Who was that?”

“That’s Zakk, he’s a well-known dealer around here. Weed’s not his specialty, but when he gets it, it’s good.”

“Who’s Frank?”

“Never mind, just pass the blunt.”

“Can I at least ask why he’s in jail?”

“It was a deal that went wrong. I was supposed to be there with them, but I wasn’t feeling good that day. Me and Frank were supposed to go pick up from Zakk and Zakk wanted us to sell some other shit too. Frank managed to sell the other stuff but when he went to make his first weed delivery, he was pulled over. They smelled it and it was over for him. This happened a couple of weeks ago, so Zakk won’t stop busting my balls over it.”

“Why did you both have to go?”

“Even though we both sell separately, we get the same stuff. Not only that, but if we need to, we’ll buy off each other.”

“I suggest you find a new contact. This Zakk guy seems a little too shady for my taste.”

“I was already thinking of that, he’s gonna get me busted, and I don’t need that. I’ve been in enough trouble.”

“What time is it?”

“Going on five thirty, why?”

“I gotta go, I’m meeting Jack for dinner in half an hour.”

“Oh, alright then.”

“Take it easy.”

“Take it sleazy.” Sandra leaves the house and gets back on the bus and gets off on Jack’s block. She walks down the street and meets up with Jack, a short, white guy with short, blonde hair who’s standing on his front stoop.

“Hey babe, you’re late.” Jack says.

“What? It’s ten to six!”

“We agreed on five thirty.”

“No… we agreed on six.”

“Listen, bitch, shut your fucking mouth. It was five thirty.”

“Alright, fine, I’m sorry. Can’t we just go to dinner please?”

“Alright, lets go.” They walk down a couple of blocks and enter a restaurant. They’re seated and the waitress asks for their drinks. “I’ll have a soda.”

“Long Island Iced Tea.”

“Really? It’s only six o’clock.”

“I don’t give a fuck. It’s our anniversary, I’m paying for half of it, I can drink if I want to.” She takes out her ID and hands it to the waitress.

“You’re a fucking alcoholic, every time we go out to eat, you always have to drink.” The waitress leaves, and as she walks away, Jack checks out her ass.

“Yeah, because every time we go out it’s a special occasion which is only a few times a year, that doesn’t make me a fucking alcoholic, asshole!”

“Yes it does, just because it’s a ‘special occasion’ doesn’t mean you have to drink!”

“I know that, but I feel like having a celebratory drink, and I’m twenty one, I can get drinks if I want, and, to top it all off, I ALWAYS ONLY EVER DRINK ONE!” Everyone in the restaurant is looking at them at this point, and the waitress comes back with the drinks. “I’m sorry for ruining your evening everyone.” She looks up at the waitress, “Keep ’em coming, I want to forget tonight.” The waitress acknowledges and takes their order. The rest of the dinner they eat in silence, Sandra drinking four more Long Island Iced Teas and a shot of whiskey. After they pay their bill and leave the restaurant, Sandra hails a cab and takes it home without saying anything to Jack and leaving him behind.

May 17, 2008

Dear Diary:

I just had the worst date I’ve ever had with Jack. I just wanted to have a drink with dinner, that’s all. I was only going to have one but he had to open his big fat mouth and call me an alcoholic in front of everybody! I was so embarrassed I just drank the date away. Maybe Michael is right, maybe I should break up with him. I don’t know, seems kind of extreme, but he has done worse. I guess I’ll give him one more chance…

A couple of weeks later, Lizzie graduates high school and within the week is packing for basic training for the army. “So, my little sister is going to be a soldier, eh? Better be careful out there with all those sweaty army guys you’ll be surrounded by, Chuck might get jealous.”

“I don’t give a fuck about no sweaty army guy, I love Chuck and that’s that.”

“You sound pretty sure of yourself.”

“Yeah, definitely. We’ve been together for three years.”

“That’s true, it has been awhile, and the fact that you’re teenagers is even more mind boggling because teenage relationships usually don’t last long.”

“Hey, I think we might’ve been made for each other.”

“Ya never know.” They hear their mother call from downstairs to get ready to leave for the airport, and Lizzie brings down her bags and loads the car. They head to the airport and are waiting for the departure. “See ya in a year, sis.”

“It’s a little less than that, but, yeah.” They hug and Lizzie hugs and says her goodbyes to the rest of the family and Chuck and heads out to board her plane while everyone else heads home.

“Oops, sorry.” Sandra says as she bumps into Leon. They make it home and Sandra gets a call from Jack. “What do you want?”

“I just called to say I’m sorry, babe.”

“It took you two weeks to apologize?”

“I’m sorry, I was mad, but I miss you.”

“You called me an alcoholic and screamed at me in front of the whole restaurant. “

“I know, and I’m sorry. Could I make it up to you tonight and we could have a redo anniversary dinner?”

“Are you going to call me an alcoholic again?”

“No, you can do what you want, you’re an adult.”

“That’s what I thought, I’ll see you at six, got it?”

“Understood.” Sandra hangs up and gets dressed and ready and heads over to Michael’s house.

“Hey Mike, what’s up?”

“Better now that you’re visiting.”

“Better how?”

“Cause now I have two of my best friends here.”

“Oh, Jim, I didn’t see ya there.”

“It’s quite alright” says Jim, a short guy with long, dark red dyed hair and rectangle glasses wearing a comic book shirt and jeans.

“So what’s new, Sandy?” Michael asks.

“Going out with Jack again, he’s gonna pay for everything tonight, he feels bad about what happened.”

“I don’t see why you just don’t end it.”

“Cause, it’s already been two years, I can’t just throw it away, he’s done worse than yell at me at a restaurant, and we’re still together.”

“That’s what I’m saying, he’s bad news, just end it.”

“No! How many times do I have to tell you Michael?”

“Stop yelling at me, I’m trying to save you from yourself!”

“Shut the fuck up already!”

“Guys! Both of you shut up!” Jim interjects.

“I’m outta here, I have a fucking date.” Sandra says as she walks out the door and slams it on her way out. She leaves Michael’s house and meets up with Jack in front of his place.

“Hey babe, you ready?”

“Yeah.” They walk to a different restaurant than the last time, get seated, and the waiter asks for their drinks. “Long Island Iced Tea.”

“I’ll have a Screwdriver please.”

“That’s surprising.”

“Well, I figured we could share the night together, like I should’ve done last time.”

“Now you’re getting it.”

“Hey, anything for you, babe.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.” A few drinks later and they start getting sloppy.

“You know, I’m so glad I came out tonight.”

“Good.”

“Glad you’ve loosened up.”

“Oh I hope I’m not the only loose one.”

“Wha-what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I wanna nail you.”

“Ohh…no…”

“What? I apologized, bought everything and got you smashed, you fat bitch!” Sandra starts giggling. “What?”

“I’m just fucking with you, calm your nuts.” She starts laughing harder at her own joke.

June 3, 2008

Dear Diary:

Well, last night was a bust. We ended up getting sloppy drunk and just started making out hardcore at the bar and ended up getting kicked out. So, we hailed a cab and made out in the backseat, then, we finally stopped at his place, got in, went into his bedroom and we started stripping and finally we’re naked. No sooner after I put it in my mouth, it activated my gag reflex and I projectile vomited all I had to drink that night all over him, from head to toe. I felt really bad, but he just screamed at me to get the fuck out. He hasn’t answered any texts or calls; I wonder if this is grounds for a breakup, I hope not, I really love Jack.

The next day, Sandra is hanging out with Francine, reliving her terrible night. “…threw up all over him and he still hasn’t answered me back yet, I’m worried.”

“Hmm…Lawrence, how would you react if I threw up all over you in the middle of a blowjob?” She asks him.

“That’s a good question, considering I’ve never been in that situation before… hmm… I guess I’d tell you to get yourself cleaned off, clean myself off, and then get right back into the action.” He answers.

“See? No big deal.”Francine says. “I bet you he’ll call you any second and apologize.”

“It’s almost ten o’clock at night the next day and he hasn’t called me or anything yet.” She checks her phone, no messages or missed calls. “See?” She holds up the phone for them to see. “Now pass that fucking bong.” Francine passes it, Sandra hits it, and passes it to Lawrence. “Watch, he’s going to fuck some bitch to make himself feel better, come back to me after he’s had his fill, and like a dumbass I’ll take him back until I do something wrong to make him do it again.”

“How do you know?” Francine asks.

“Because he did it to me last year when I dated him.”

“What do you mean, last year? You’ve been dating for two years.”

“Actually, I only dated him for about eight months last year before he found out what I did with his best friend before we got together when his friend got insanely drunk and blurted it out. So, he felt it was justifiable to screw some random bitch and then, come back to me practically putting on a sob story about how he was sorry and he’ll never do it again and to please take him back, so I did after a two month gap.”

“So why take him back again if he might do it again?”

“Probably cause I don’t wanna be alone.”

“Are you really that desperate?”

“It has nothing to do with desperation; I just hate being by myself with no one to hold next to me at night, no one to wake up to in the morning, no one to talk to about my day…it sucks. I hate the feeling.”

“That’s no reason to just settle though, especially to a scumbag like him.”

“I know, I had a chance once, and I blew it, because I didn’t think we clicked right as a couple, it felt wrong. He was a really nice guy, and he didn’t deserve what I did to him, but after a year of being together, I just couldn’t do it.”

“What did you do to him?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it, it was two years ago. Can we talk about something else now?”

“Sure. This is Pineapple Kush we’re smoking.”

“Wow, I knew it was strong stuff, I’m toasty already.”

“Well, we’re going to bed, here’s the remote.” She throws the remote and heads into the bedroom with Lawrence. “Good night.”

“Good night.” She falls asleep on the couch watching tv and is awaken several hours later to her phone ringing. “Wha? Huh?” She picks up the phone. “Hello? Jack! Hi! No, I’m at Francine’s. Breakfast sounds great. Ok, see ya soon.” She leaves Francine’s, hops a bus, and heads to the restaurant where Jack is waiting.

“Hey babe.” He says.

“Hey, so why’d it take you so long to answer me back?”

“C’mon, we’ll talk inside.” They walk into the restaurant, are seated, and get their drinks.

“So, what’s so important?”

“I fucked up babe.”

“Here we go again.”

“Look, I overreacted, I know-“

“Overracted? I throw up on you once, and your solution is to fuck a bitch?”

“You know about Janis?”

“She has a name?”

“Yeah she has a name, I just didn’t know you knew about her.”

“How long?”

“What?”

“How long has this been going on?”

“It only happened twice.”

“Twice?”

“Yeah, the-oh, shit, you didn’t know anything, did you?”

“This the same bitch from last year too?”

“That’s…why…I…said…twice.” He says slowly and sheepishly.

“Hello, welcome to the Last Chance Diner, I’m Haylena your waitress, are you ready to order?” she strokes Jack’s chin and looks into his eyes as she asks her question.

“Haylena! Haylena!” she doesn’t answer, and continues to look into his eyes. “Tangurie!” She jumps a little and starts to turn around, “Hey, you’re a waitress now, stop fondling the customers!” a burly voice says behind her.

“Sorry Revnednhoj! Anyway, what did you guys want to eat?” They place their order and continue the conversation.

“So, that IS where you were yesterday. I hope she’s a slut and you caught something.”

“Babe, I’m sorry.”

“Why? Why do you have to keep doing this to me? Twice? C’mon, now, really?”

“Look, babe, I’m so, so sorry.”

“Yeah, sure.” She says sarcastically.

“Please, please, please babe, give me one more chance?” He gets out of the chair, and kneels next to her.

“Why should I?”

“Because you love me?”

“Fine, sit down. You’re lucky I’m such a nice person, I don’t even know why I put up with you anymore.”

“Thank you so much babe, you won’t regret it.”

“You better not make me regret it, because this is your last chance, if you blow this one, we’re done. Do you understand me?”

“Yes babe, one hundred percent.”

“Good.” Later that day, Sandra is at Michael’s house, crying. “He did- he did- he did it again!” she says, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Come here, give me a hug.” Michael tells her. She gets up and gives him a hug.

“I hate- hate- I hate- hate it.”

“It’s your own fault, you keep taking him back.”

“Because I love him!”

“Really? Are you really sure?”

“I think so, we’ve been on and off for two years.”

“So, just because you’re with someone for awhile doesn’t mean you have to stay with them, they don’t own you, even though they think they do and try to convince you that they do. I know a lot of guys like that, I’m not one of them, but the point is, you can tell him to fuck off any time you want , and just end it, especially if it’s justifiable like here. He cheated on you twice with the same bitch, I’d say that you should tell him to fuck off and find someone better.”

“But I don’t want to be alone.”

“So you sacrifice happiness so you can fill loneliness?”

“But if I’m lonely, I’m not happy either, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Then I don’t know what to tell you.” He says with a huff.

“I’m sorry-“

“Hey, I tried.”

June 5, 2008

Dear Diary:

So, today turned out as bad as I thought it would. I only got four hours of sleep on Francine’s couch after passing out while watching tv, to my phone blaring at me and guess who it was? That’s right, Jack. He offered to buy me breakfast at the Last Chance Diner. So we get there, and he has this serious look on his face, and I already knew what was coming. So we get inside and sit down and he tells me everything, and then he slips up on the name of the bitch. Janis. Like, who the fuck does she think she is, and who does he think he is? Anyway, as he’s telling me all this, the waitress, I think her name was Haylena or some shit, anyway, she asks us what we want to eat, and then she stares into Jack’s eyes and strokes his chin with her finger, I thought there was something going on with her too, but she got yelled at by her boss, some big, burly older guy with a weird name. Anyway, apparently this isn’t the first time she’s done this because she had to be corrected about her profession. So we finish eating, and when we get our bill, he tells me he left his wallet at home. Bastard probably did that on purpose, and since I thought he was paying, I didn’t care what I ordered. So, I ended up covering the bill, and now I’m fucking broke. So, we leave the restaurant and ended up walking home since I had no money for the bus. He tried following me, and had the audacity to ask me for nookie. Really? After what he just told me? I told him no fucking way, not today, not tomorrow, not next week, not even next month, that bastard can jerk off till he’s blind for all I care, and I told him if he goes back to her, we’re done. So I ended up going to Michael’s house, and immediately broke down and started crying like a bitch. Michael told me the same thing he’s been saying since me and Jack got together, and that was to leave his ass. Francine has been telling me the same thing, and you know, maybe they’re right. But then, I keep going to the same problem of being alone. I hate being alone. If there was a way where I would never be alone, and be happy at the same time, that would be great. But, this is life, not a movie, things don’t happen that way. So, I figure I’m going to stay unhappy until something happens that changes my mind. I know, being cheated on twice should count, but I don’t know, maybe something out of my control to tear us apart will happen, maybe he’ll be the one to break up with me, fat chance that’ll happen though, he needs me as much as I need him, he’s just illogical when it comes to reactions and decision making. I don’t like how he calls me a fat bitch, either. Like he should talk, he’s got some poundage on him. Anyway, I’m rambling; I’m gonna smoke a bowl and go to bed. Good night.

The next day, Sandra is going about her daily business when she runs into Jack. “I’ve been messaging you all day, how come you haven’t answered me back? Are you back with that chick?” He keeps walking, ignoring her. “Answer me!”

“No.”

“No? No what?”

“No, I’m not back with that chick, and no, I’m not gonna answer you.”

“What? I- that doesn’t even make any sense.”

“Because I’m giving you the silent treatment.”

“You’re not doing a very good job at it.”

“Shut up.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because of the way you treated me yesterday, you left me and ignored me after we left the restaurant.”

“I was pissed! Don’t you understand? You tell me you’re cheating on me, with who, offer to pay for breakfast but let me flip the bill, and then try asking me for sex! You’re damn right I ignored you, you have absolutely no right to be mad at me! If anything, I should be giving YOU the silent treatment.”

“You’re treating me like shit, after a teensy tiny mistake!”

“Ok, first of all, you’ve done this twice, second of all, you’re the one treating ME like shit, all I’ve ever done was be nice to you, and you just go off and do all these ridiculous things!”

“Ridiculous?”

“Yes, ridiculous, because there’s no reason to act the way that you do.”

“I’m sorry, I do these things because I don’t know what to do.”

“It seems like a pretty extreme solution to a stupid itty bitty problem.”

“What was I supposed to do?”

“Ok, first time, we coulda talked about it, second time, we could just have cleaned up and tried another time, I felt really bad for that, I really did, I didn’t think you’d do this shit again because of it!” She says through tears.

“I’m sorry I-“

“You know, I put in my best effort to make this relationship work, and as soon as something looks like it’s gonna be ok, something fucks it up. Two years I’ve had to put up with this, and you don’t even seem to care.” She starts crying.

“I don’t know what else you want me to say, I mean, I can try to change, just please, let me use this chance to prove it.”

“Try? You’re gonna try?”

“Well, I can’t promise anything.”

“What do you mean you can’t promise anything?”

“Well, I’m only human, I can’t promise something, and not deliver and have you be surprised about it.”

“So what you’re saying is that you’re just gonna try, and if you’re still the same asshole a year from now, it’s ok because you’re only human.”

“See, now you’re getting babe.” He says with a small smile.

“You’re actually serious? You’re actually going to just try?”

“Yes.”

“You know, if you really love someone, you have to do more than just try.”

“Well, I don’t know what else you want me to do.”

“I want you to actually DO. That means, no more sluts, no more making fun of me, calling me fat, or trying to change my habits.”

“What? But you’re trying to change me, maybe you should try looking in the mirror once in awhile.”

“I’M NOT FUCKING SLUTS! I’m not making fun of you, calling you names or trying to change who you are, I’m trying to get you to treat me better!”

“Because you treat me so well?!”

“I do nothing but nice things for you, ask you how you are feeling, and try to make you feel better when you’re down, all you ever do is belittle me and kick me when I’m down!”

“I do that so you’d have more confidence!”

“You’re not giving me confidence, you’re depressing me, you don’t hurt the ones you love, asshole!” She turns around and starts walking.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“We’re fucking done.”

“No we’re not.”

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