I sat there mulling over my thoughts hoping this meeting wouldn’t last much longer because I really did have things to do back at the office. As always happens when I’m alone with no books and no distractions, my mind began to wander to my past. Everything has been messed up for so long I wasn’t sure I even remembered where it even started.
That old feeling took me over as it always did. I needed my ocean waves but I simply couldn’t bring myself to stand and leave let alone quit staring at the table in front of me. Staring at the table I felt my brain screaming with the pain that was buried so far into my soul it would never go away. I knew then, as I always do when I get like this, I have no true hope of ever being truly happy. That shit just doesn’t exist for me. I can never be anything in this life and I know that.
Not loved, not truly successful, and definitely not happy. Why? What did I do to deserve to have this kind of life? I mean I was only four or so when I can remember life turned shitty. Seriously four years old. Who does that to a four year old? Who takes a childs life and makes them feel like they are the worst person in the world? Why couldn’t one person in my life truly love me for me? Just one! I don’t need a line of people loving me I just wanted one. Is it really that hard to love somebody?
I feel a finger gently glide down my cheek coming to rest under my chin gently lifting my face to stare into the most amazing blue eyes I have ever seen. Looking up shocked that the sensation was not just in my imagination, I jerk my head back and stare at the pair of Greek gods before me. Quickly gasping I wonder how they found me and how long they have been here staring at me. Awkwardly I look at them and ask ”How long have you been here? What do you want?”
They just continue to stare at me like I’m a puzzle they need to figure out. “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours love. You look so sad. Is there anything we can do to take that look out of your eyes?” Right side dimple asks me.
“ Let us help you babe. Tell us what’s wrong. We just want you happy.” Left side dimple finishes for him. Whoa freaky how they did that. What is with these two. Then I think about what they’re saying and start to freak out. This can’t be good. They’ve seen directly in my eyes. Something I swore would never happen.. How do I get out of this? How do I convince them that I am as normal as everyone else and they can go and leave me alone? They don’t even realize how they effect me. I begin to breath heavily as I feel a panic attack coming on. A strange tightening in my chest becoming painful and breathing becoming almost impossible as I stare at these two,
Suddenly they both press their chairs up against mine becoming even closer than they were before and I forget that I’m supposed to be making them run for their lives. That’s what I wanted I’m sure of it. Each brother now has a hand cupped against one of my cheeks, softly caressing the skin. “ Hey calm down sweetheart. It’s OK. We aren’t going to let anyone hurt you ever. Everything’s going to be OK we swear.” The one on my left mutters.
“ What’s the matter love? You can tell us. We just want to help. Your safe we promise. Take a nice slow, deep breath. That’s my girl now release it slowly.” The other one quietly whispers against my ear as I listen and take several slow deep breaths trying to get these feelings under control as quickly as I can.
“Now tell us what’s wrong.” They both quietly demand. Neither of them moving away in the slightest, nor do they release my face. They simply sit there waiting. Softly gliding their thumbs across my face staring intently at me with concern written plainly over their entire faces’.
“Nothing other than the fact that I have two complete strangers suddenly at my table touching me. Tell me do you always go up to people you don’t know touching their face and invading their personal bubble. It’s not allowed in polite society. You do know that right. That you can’t just invade a strangers personal space? Will you please both unhand me and move I need to get back to work.”I quickly snap out at them as reflex takes over giving me exactly what I need to say. I was proud at how strong I sounded.
Neither man moved though. I give them both a WTF face. You can’t just touch people it’s beyond rude. Simultaneously I feel their fingertips soft as a whisper glide down my face and then away from my skin. I miss the contact as soon as it’s gone but I can’t let this continue. They could hurt me like everyone else and there is no way in hell I’m ever going to let that happen.
“I know you don’t know us yet but we hope to change that. We are going to be working together very closely and for a long time. We want to get to know you and have you get to know us. You’ll come to trust that we won’t tell your secrets. You can trust us with whatever has put that look in your beautiful eyes.” Righty tells me.
Yup, that’s right I’m naming them after what side their dimples are on. “ We can help you but not if you don’t tell us what is wrong. We want to be there for you. Mostly, at the moment we want to take your pain away. It hurts to see that look there. It is literally tearing me apart right now. Please tell me who has hurt you so I can go kill them for ever doing whatever it is that they have done.” Lefty breathes out quietly.
These two are insane. I don’t even know which one is which. Hell, I wouldn’t even know their names if they didn’t have a meeting with my boss. Looking at them sternly I rush out ”I don’t even know your names and you want me to spill my life story ? Honestly are you both crazy? Why the hell are you acting this way? I think I’m just going to go back to my office and call the men in little white coats you two are insane. Why do you even care?” They both smile cheekily at me for a moment.
“I’m Ryder” lefty states.
“I’m Gabe” comes from righty.
“ We are the newest writers on your team and your next big project.” Ryder tells me. Oh great! Did Cammy tell them I was going to be doing the work? Is she sticking me with the meetings and planning. I wouldn’t normally mind but these two make me feel...well they just make me feel period. I haven’t even done that in years. I’ve closed myself off. That’s what I wanted, I don’t need this crap. I don’t want to feel anything especially not lust toward to amazing looking men who probably want nothing more to do with me than simply getting in my pants.
Bet they think if they flatter me I’ll work harder on their books. They don’t realize I give the same effort to every new book. I can’t help but give my all when I get lost in the planning of the releases. There is just so much work to over flow your mind.
“Look both of you I’m going to do everything I can to make your releases perfect. You don’t have to go to these extremes to get me to do my job. I always do it to the best of my ability. Now if you will excuse me I need to get started on this project.” I state roboticaly even though I’m upset thinking that’s the only reason they’re nice to me. I don’t understand why that makes me this angry. That’s simply how people are. I know this. So why am I mad. It’s never made me mad before. Why can’t these two just leave me alone. Seriously, I’ll do my work and then they will be gone.
They both look confused, hurt, and slightly angry. I don’t get it. Why are they angry and how the hell did I hurt them? “Let me get this straight. You think we are here right now concerned about you because we just want you to give us the best book release?” Ryder lets out harshly. I flinch back from his tone knowing exactly what to expect when a guy gets angry and starts talking like that.
“ Why else would you be here invading my space if your not hoping it will help your release?” I mutter looking away from both of them. I just hope they won’t do anything here in front of people.
“Are you scared of us?” Gabe asks quietly. How does he know I’m scared?
“No.” I answer a little to quickly. Both men sharply inhale while still staring at me. I can feel their gazes burning a whole into my head. Suddenly both of their hands are back on me trying to sooth me. One is running his hands through my hair while the other softy brushes the side of my face.
“We would never hurt you. We simply want to get to know you. You intrigue us. From the way your hair softly falls down your arms to the way you walk and talk to the look in your eyes. Did I mention the color is amazing? You can’t even determine what color they are. I’d call them hazel but that doesn’t quite cover the array of colors they are. They are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. We have to know more about you. What you like to do, who you spend time with, where you go during the day, what made that pain ever enter those amazing eyes” Ryder tells me.
That’s it! No more. I can’t do this. I have to get away from them like now. I stand up quickly heading for the door. They both stand as well walking me to my car. “We will see you back at the office Scarlet. We have a lot of things to work out for the weeks to come.” Gabe said.
“And we would like to talk some more about you and us getting to know each other. You seem scared. We wish you woudn’t be. This has nothing to do with you doing your job love. This would be the same if we had seen you on the street. Only we would have had to find a way to get to know you better when we now plainly have a great opportunity to get to know the beauty that you are. Get used to us being around because we plan to be in your life for a very long time. Please try to accept that we aren’t here to hurt you but simply to love the person you are. We aren’t sure why but we feel a deep pull to get to know you. To try to love you like you deserve. “ With that they both walked away back to their car.
I slowly slid into the drivers seat shaking like a leaf. Idiot men. Who do they think they are. There is no way they could want to love me and even if they do they are going to soon find out that I am truly unlovable. They think they want this now but all they really want is a little action from the girl responsible for their project. This is not now nor is it ever going to happen. I will not open up to anyone ever.
I’m not going to blindly hand people objects to hurt me with. Closing my eyes I slowly breath in and out calming down before I pull out into traffic and make my way back to work where I know they will be waiting for me and I’ll have to face them again. Hopefully better prepared this time. This time I would make everything professional and not allow them to talk crazy. Yup, that’s my new plan. Keep everything as professional as possible.