Softer Sins

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Chapter 18

I hated shopping.

To be fair, hate was a strong word, actually to be completely honest I didn’t mind it all that much. Let me rephrase; I hated shopping with Rosie.

I adored the girl with my heart and soul, but she sure could talk. She had been blabbering on about the yellow body suit that would match perfectly with the boyfriend jeans she had been planning on wearing. Not only that, every second sentence to come out of her mouth was questioning me about Theo. I couldn’t wrap my own head around the situation let alone explain to her what had happened.

“Do you think Sebastian really broke things off with me because I was a virgin?” I asked, my question catching Rosie off guard.

Her rambling immediately stopped, and she turned to look at me, placing the yellow body suit back on the clothing rack.

“Where is this coming from?” Rosie gently asked. She sat down next to me on the small couch in the dressing room.

“Seeing Theo today just reminded me of Sebastian. Knowing that Theo and his friends don’t know the real reason why he left just has me thinking is all,” I carefully explained.

Rosie took a deep breath. I knew she had an opinion of her own. She wasn’t very good at keeping secrets, unless they were of utter importance. Rosie didn’t often keep to herself, being bubbly, happy and sarcastic but that it was I loved about her and wished that I could be more open with the people I cared about.

“Honest?” Rosie questioned.

I nodded my head.

Rosie sighed before she opened her mouth to speak. “No, I don’t think that was the reason. You heard what Lily said and even Sebastian himself. He was used to sleeping around, no strings attached. Guys likes that… they’re scared of commitment. The virginity thing just gave him a chance to run for the hills.”

“Okay,” I answered softly. I didn’t know what to say. Some part of me always feared that Sebastian would leave, even with his constant reassurance. And he did. I wanted to be surprised but deep down I knew this would happen. I guess now I was more disappointed in myself for believing what he promised.

“Please don’t be depressed again,” Rosie said, forcing me into a hug. “You were good enough for him, Maize, too good in fact.”

“Then why didn’t he stay?”

The question hung in the air. I’d obviously caught Rosie off guard by voicing my thoughts. I knew straight away that I had put too much pressure on her to answer.

But that was the question that hung in the back of my mind, haunting me. If everyone kept telling me I was too good for Sebastian, then why wouldn’t he stay? Why would he run for the hills? Why couldn’t the people who cared for me the most simply just say; he wasn’t that into you?

“You’re fabulous,” Rosie suddenly blurted out. I scrunched up my nose.

“You’re an idiot,” I said, slightly shoving her in the shoulder. We chuckled at the ridiculousness that was our friend ship.

“But really Maizie, no boy ever determines your worth, that’s up to you.”

I smiled at Rosie before pouncing on her. She squealed then giggled like a little school girl as I proceed to squeeze her senselessly. She crawled out from underneath me, her hair a mess on her head and now in tangles. I imagined I looked like a similar mess.

“Enough! I have to try on this yellow body suit then we need to find something you’ll look totally hot in,” Rosie explained, fixing her unkempt shirt and patting down her frizzy hair. “We have to make sure that Sebastian sees a shit ton of photos of you looking sexy.”

“I thought boys didn’t determine my worth?” I asked, blowing a strand of loose hair floating around my face.

“Oh, they don’t, but we can sure show them what they stupidly gave up,” she smirked, and for once I agreed with her.

“Fine,” I said and rolled my eyes. I quickly clamped my hand over Rosie’s mouth before she could squeal, instead she licked my hand and I hissed at the sudden wetness on my palm.

“Ew, that’s gross you rat,” I scolded her, rubbing my palm up and down my pants to remove her saliva.

“Shouldn’t have done it then you donkey,” she shot back at me.

We both withheld our laughs, and I followed as Rosie bounced around the store. I wasn’t much of a fashion icon myself, sticking to the same ripped jeans and classic tank tops, but I had to hand it to Rosie, she had great taste in fashion. I adored her style but wouldn’t compliment it too much as I really never had that chance.

Rosie ended up picking out a crimson red, ribbed crop top, paring is with some simple denim, ripped jeans, trying not to stray too far away from my own style. I was absolutely obsessed with the colour of the top as red had always been a favourite of mine, right next to the rainbow.

Rosie’s mouth dropped when I walked out of the dressing room with the outfit she had picked for me. I loved seeing the sparkles in her eyes as she took in her own creation. I knew she’d always secretly wanted a job in the fashion industry when she was older. I myself took an interest in fashion, but that dream was quickly discarded when my mother almost murdered me for breaking her sewing machine.

“That looks absolutely amazing!” Rosie exclaimed. “Bow down to me I am a god.”

We both chuckled at that. I shoved her shoulder a little bit just to help her off that high horse.

“Hurry up and take it off so we can buy it,” Rosie complained, practically shoving me into the dressing room and clawing at the outfit. I had to push her out, slap her hands away and close the curtains before I was injured.

“Calm down, the party isn’t until the weekend meaning we have plenty of time.”

“I know, I’m just so excited. My plans coming along just fine,” Rosie said from the other side of the curtain. Her last sentence was a whisper, a devilish one that I had a feeling I wasn’t supposed to hear.

I stepped out of the dressing room as soon as I had finished changing, with a dramatic pull of the curtains. “And what might that plan be,” I said, crossing my arms on my chest.

Rosie paled a little, before nervously laughing. “Nothing, there isn’t a plan. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Rosie,” I deadpanned. “You’ve never been a good liar. You actually have to look at the person when you say it.”

She let out a deep, defeated breath. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like this plan one little bit.

“I was hoping to get you to talk to a few boys at the party. You know, get you back out there since you’ve been so depressed over… Him.”

It was silent for a bit. I understood that Rosie had good intentions, I just wasn’t ready for a relationship, booty call or whatever you wanted to call it. My whole life I had dreamed about a fairy tale boy to sweep me off my feet and now it felt pretty good to realise that I didn’t need a man or boy to keep me happy. I’d always tell myself I didn’t, but when I realised how amazing my family and friends were, the thought stuck.

“Rosie…,” I sighed. “I don’t need a boy or a one-night stand. I’m not depressed. In fact, I feel like myself and I haven’t felt like that in a long time.”

“I know, I know. But Maizie, everyone can still tell you’re not over Sebastian, and it’s okay. We just want you to get back out there and realise that not all boys are total jerks,” Rosie said.

“Sebastian wasn’t a jerk. He was just afraid.”

“See, you’re still defending him,” Rosing pointed out.

I had to admit, I was still in love Sebastian, but that didn’t mean I needed him. I knew myself that flirting with other boys was not going to help me get over him. I knew what I needed and that was time.

“What if he came to your party?” Rosie whispered quietly.

I paused, baffled at her sudden question.

“He won’t,” I answered softly.

“What if he does? What will you do then?” She asked.

It took me a while to answer her, but the only thing I could think to say was the truth.

“I don’t know.”

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