Creating the Modern Woman - Sexual Awakening Methods and the effect of these on Women and their Relationships– a dissertation by Johnathan Hargraves MS LCPC
The video log footage.
The camera flicks to life, blurs and then finds focus. A large hand comes into view and the room spins before the device is set down facing the lit area. The scene is domestic. In the center of the shot is a double bed, dressed simply in a plain white sheet, with a slatted wooden head board and at the foot of the bed are two short posts with a rounded knob on each. The wood is dark brown, the vanish is peeling in places, and it is scratched as rubbed unevenly. The room has cream unadorned walls, a threadbare carpet, and a bookcase on the other side of the bed that is shrouded in darkness.
A young woman sits perched on the side of the bed looking at the camera with wide eyes as she fidgets her fingers.
From the camera angle, the staging is just visible. There are several large lights attached onto tripods for height, and two other cameras are in-shot. One near the wall on the far side of the bed, clamped to black narrow pipes with wing nuts at each elbow. This framework is bent to position the small recording device, so it is looking down the length of the bed from the pillow end. The other is only noticeable only by the small red light which is shining out of the unlit area on the rear left side of the bed. Both have a tiny LED showing a solid color indicating that they are currently recording the girl sitting on the bed.
She is dressed simply. Her jeans and t-shirt are well worn and not designer, and she has cheap flat-soled fake black Converse’s on her feet, no socks. Her hair is pulled up into a messy pony tail and she is wearing no distinguishable make up. This makes her face look washed out, pale and tired under the harsh lighting. It also makes her look young, very young.
Her knees are pressed together, and her hands are shaking on her lap as she waits. Her face is plain, not unpretty but hold no features that made it remarkable. Her eyes are the standard brown, her nose is straight, skin blemish free, and her mouth is in proportion with the rest of her face. She, like the scene she is sitting in, looks ordinary.
“Alright,” the male voice is off camera, but her eyes lift to a spot behind the view point, “We can start. Are you ready?”
“Yes,” her voice quivers, “Yes, doctor.”
“I’m not a doctor yet,” he chuckles off camera, “That’s what this is for, remember? For the purpose of this study, I’ve asked you to call me ‘Master’, because I have a Masters in Science.”
“Master?” she stutters.
“It makes sense, doesn’t it?” his voice is confident and reassuring, “Once I have my Ph.D. I’ll be referred to as Doctor, thus I have earnt the title Master with my current degree.”
“I suppose so,” she looks at her hands.
“Now,” he speaks the word with a deep exhale, “Are you ready to begin?”
“I’m not sure,” she looks away from the camera, “Are you sure that this is ‘right’?”
“Are you having second thoughts?” he asks gently but there is a slight edge to his voice, “We’ve been through this. If you’re not committed to the research, then you are welcome to leave.”
“No,” she answers too quickly, “I just wasn’t expecting the camera’s and the lights. Isn’t it too much?”
“This is for my dissertation,” his voice is patient like he’s explained this too many times, “It is bona fide research. I’m making a log of progress because I’m not going to be in a position to take comprehensive notes, simple as that.”
“I suppose so,” she looks at the bedsheet plucking at it with her fingers, “I suppose that makes sense.”
“I’ll start then,” he inhales but doesn’t move from his position out of view.
“This is my thesis, I am Johnathan Hargrave, and for the purposes of phase one I will be referred to myself as the ‘Researcher’ and the subject will refer to me as the ‘Master’,” he says clearly placing emphasis on the titles, “I am joined in this study by Miss Telford. She will be referred to as ‘Subject-3’ in all communication. Other names will be used during the study, as and when is necessary, but real names will be avoided for objectivity.”
“Does that mean I’m the third subject?”
“No, subject-3. It means that you were the third interviewee,” he speaks in a matter-of-fact voice, “You will retain that identifier throughout the process, irrespective of your place in the information gathering process.”
“I’m not the only one?”
“Subject-3,” he chastises her with his tone, “You are introducing a prejudice. This is a controlled environment. We are looking for your responses to be free of bias, preconceptions, or presumptions.”
“Sorry,” she mumbles.
“Right,” he pauses then adds, “It’s your turn. Do you remember what you have to say?”
“Yes,” she hesitates, “Can I ask a question first?”
“Sure,” he mumbles.
“You’re not married, are you?” she speaks quickly, “I know private details aren’t allowed but I’d like to know if there’s a Mrs. Hargrave?”
“Can you honestly tell me that your reactions wouldn’t change if I answer that?” he spoke with a soft harshness that made her drop her eyes from him, “This is a research study, Subject-3. Any information that will alter your state of mind must be avoided.”
“Oh,” she bites her lip, “I’m sorry.”
“But,” he huffs an annoyed exhale, “Since you have already asked, and you will have made an assumption based on my answer, the damage is done. I will answer you and make note of it as a possible infringement to impartiality - No, Subject-3, I am not and have never been married.”
She lifts her eyes at him but doesn’t respond.
“Please avoid any more personal questions,” the impatience in his tone is noticeable, “Continue by saying your introduction.”
She sits looking at him for five silent seconds before she grimaces a smile and then nods with a short bob of her head.
“My name is Paige Telford,” she lifts her eyes to the camera, but her voice still shakes, “I am nineteen years old and have produced a copy of my birth certificate in proof of my age. I am an undergraduate at Trentworth University. I have freely entered into this study and was not coerced in any way to participate. I answered an advertisement for an internship and was not approached beforehand nor did I have any prior knowledge of the researcher. This is unpaid volunteer work and I will not receive any tangible or intangible gratuity for my participation.”
She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes.
“Good,” the man exhales his relief, “That was perfect, Subject-3. Now, please emphasis for the footage that you understand the purpose of the study, the format of the research, what is required of you, and you give your full informed consent.”
“Yes,” she nods, “I do.”
“A little more explanation please,” he laughs softly.
“You’ve explained everything you want me to do and I’ve said I’ll do it,” she looks up to the man, “Do you want me to go into details?”
“No, I’ll explain the structure later. For now, just tell the recording enough to make it evident that you aren’t under any false illusions as to what you’ve agreed to participate in.”
“It’s a psychological study into the process of sexual awakening,” she speaks like she is reading it, “You are going to assess my responses to that process in a controlled environment.”
“Correct,” the smile is clear in his tone, “And how am I going to do that?”
“You’re going to have sex with me,” she stutters.
“I’m going to have sexual intercourse with you,” he corrects her, “Multiple times and with various variables introduced, in order to gauging your reactions as you master the techniques. The overall aim of the study is to monitor the changes in your psyche as you develop into a sexually proficient woman, without external influences or prejudices. Is this what you’ve agreed to?”
“Yes,” she nods, “The internship is to provide you with the research material you need for your thesis.”
“And, for the recording, what have we done so far?” he asked, “Can you talk about the interview process?”
“I answered the advertisement for a research intern,” she looks unsure, “I submitted my application with a cover letter, medical report, and a photo, as requested. You interviewed me in your office three days later. You gave me a written psychological assessment, asked me lots of questions, and gave me a physical examination.”
“Explain the physical exam,” his voice is deeper.
“You wanted to ensure that I was a virgin,” she blushes as she looks away, “You asked if you could verify that, as it was crucial to the research. And then you inserted a finger into me and sort of wiggled it around.”
“I performed an internal assessment of your vagina with my gloved finger,” he clarifies before he asks, “And how did that feel?”
“Sorry?” she blushes a deeper color.
“Verbalize how it felt, Subject-3,” his voice is soft and encouraging, “The whole purpose of this study is to have you tell me about what you’re feeling. I need you to be very clear about each experience.”
“It felt weird,” she frowns, “foreign but not uncomfortable, if you know what I mean. It was a medical examination, so it wasn’t dirty or anything.”
“Good,” he says, “And was I fully dressed for this? Have you seen any part of my body naked? Have I acted lude or inappropriately to you?”
“No,” she shakes her head with quick movements, “No, why are you asking that?”
“I want it clear that this is research,” he speaks concisely, “That this is a study by a professional man, and it is in no way an act of depravity or perversion, do you agree with that?”
“Of course,” she looks shocked, “I wouldn’t be doing it otherwise. It’s all legitimate.”
“Correct,” he sighs, “And are you still a virgin?”
“Yes,” she pushes her knees together just a little more.
“And, since being interviewed, have you touched yourself invoking an orgasm?”
“No,” she shakes her head as she purses her lips and her shoulders tightened.
“Explain your response?”
“I wasn’t raised like that,” she wrings her hands, “It’s not right to do that. Touching yourself isn’t healthy.”
“Explain then why you are prepared to embark on this study, given you are aware of the format of the research.”
“Because,” she glances back at something hidden in the darkness again, “You need someone like me to get an honest result. It’s going to help people and make a difference to the world. I’ll be a part of something larger than myself.”
“It’s just a thesis, Subject-3,” he laughs softly, “I doubt it will change the world.”
“Maybe not,” she shrugs, “But it has the opportunity to do so. And I know it will change me and my world.”
“How so?” he asks.
“I don’t want to be a virgin anymore,” she grimaces, “It’s like a neon light above my head. Everyone looks at me and instantly judges me.”
“Why haven’t you then?” he asks, “You would have had other opportunities?”
“Maybe,” she shrugs, her eyes facing downwards, “But I wanted it to mean something. I’ll only lose it once and I didn’t want it to happen with some guy who I’d never see again.”
“But you realize that we are not in a relationship and once I have the material I need, I won’t feature in your life?”
“Yes,” she smiles as she covers her mouth and giggles softly, “I’m not a stalker. I know that this is just sex, you aren’t my boyfriend, and that there is no commitment here. But it’s not meaningless. I’m doing this for a purpose and hopefully I’ll become a strong confident woman at the end of it.”
“Is that your expectation?” he asks in a slowly worded question, “That this will improve your confidence?”
“No,” she frowns, “Maybe, I suppose that I expect to be more sexually confident. That I won’t feel embarrassed everything someone makes a lude reference and when boys try to flirt with me.”
“And if that doesn’t happen?” he asks.
“Then, at least I won’t be just a number to a frat boy who hunts v-cards,” she says confidently, “That would make me feel cheap. This won’t be a quick fling in the dark. You will be intimate with me more than once and you will want to listen to how I feel about it as you touch me. That’s more than most girls get.”
“Alright,” he says, “Thank you for explaining that.”
She tilts her head in a conciliatory gesture.
“There are a couple of other point that should be noted here, in the context of this introduction,” he states, “Firstly, there will be no illegal or legal drugs associated with this study. The purpose is to monitor reactions to the natural act not to any artificial stimulus. Secondly, Subject-3 has freely signed all the paperwork including her agreement to participate, the confidentiality agreement, the conditions statement, and the verification that I have not taken advantage of her and that nothing that occurs here will constitute rape.”
She looks up at him as he says the word but doesn’t show any emotion.
“The recordings are for research purposes and will not be made public,” he continues without stopping, “And finally, I have shown Subject-3, and will include it with the other paperwork, my blood tests verifying that I am clean of any sexually transmitted diseases. Subject-3 understands that the research will require me to ejaculate into her vagina on occasion and she accept the risks involved in that.”
“You told me to go on the pill,” she nods with a bobbing motions, “I’ve done that, and the doctors given me the thumbs up.”
“You will do everything in your power to actively avoid becoming pregnant?”
“Of course,” she nods, “I can’t get pregnant.”
“Good. Next I need to ask if you’re made all appropriate arrangements to be isolated in this house with me for the week?” he moves so that his arm is visible on the side of the screen, “And ensure you will not contact anyone or be contactable during that week to allow for a true controlled environment?”
“You’ve taken my phone, put paper over the windows,” she shrugs, “And I’ve told everyone that I’m hiking the wilderness and will be off-grid for the week.”
“That should be sufficient. And now we will talk about the structure,” he speaks a little faster, “This is the introduction. It serves as evidence as to the process, the state-of-mind of the subject and the fact that she is not under duress in giving her consent.”
She nods but doesn’t add anything. She hasn’t relaxed her position on the bed. Her eyes jumped around the cameras as he speaks.
“Once the administration elements are that out of the way, we will undertake the initial phase of the study,” he says officially, “During phase1 of the recordings I, being the researcher, will encourage the subject to discover the naked body, we will look at various forms of external stimulus, and finally I will break the subject’s hymen and enter the subject’s vagina with my penis initiating intercourse. We will conclude this stage with full penetration sexual intercourse to ejaculation.”
She links her fingers together and clenches her hands in her lap.
“At which point we will then begin the second phase of the research,” he coughs once before continuing, “The purpose of this will be to introduce the subject to intercourse and to gauge her reactions as she becomes more proficient in it. We will also explore how language, different positions, and locations around the house can be employed during intercourse. Then we will look at how role playing, adult sexual toys, and light discipline can be used to heighten the sexual experience. This phase will conclude when the subject has become fully sexually aware and capable of managing her own pleasure needs.”
She bites her lip and looks at the carpet through his speech. Then, when he pauses, her eyes flash towards him before dropping back to her hands.
“The third phase is optional,” his voice almost gentle as he speaks without the serious tone, “This will consist of the advanced material needed for the thesis. This part of the study requires a sexually active female but can be conducted on a different individual that the initial subject, as sexual naivety is not a requirement. For continuity sake, I would prefer the subject to agree to participate, but that can be decided on later. This phase will be focused on domination, anal penetration, multiple partners, and looking at how the external locations can change the subject’s enjoyment. We will be analyzing both positive and negative reactions. It aims at producing a more rounded sexually charged subject who can make informed decisions as to her sexual needs in the modern environment.”
She exhales but doesn’t say anything.
“Is this the format that you had previously agreed to?”
“Yes,” she whispers without looking at him.
“This study is to be held in a controlled environment and once the research has begun you understand that you cannot leave,” his voice takes on an officious tone again, “The research phases and topics must occur consecutively, without interruption, and without external interference or influence. It will invalidate the authenticity of all the data collected if the subject leaves or has contact with anyone other than the researcher before the end of phase two.”
“I understand,” she bites her lip as her eyes flash up to him, “Will it hurt?”
“Yes,” he says simply, “There will be parts that will be painful, or that you find humiliating, but I will try to minimize these as it isn’t in the scope of the study to make you feel that way.”
“Alright,” she wipes her palms down the length of her jeans to her knees.
“If you agree to the terms,” he pauses and releases a long breath, “I’ll lock and bolt the front door with a padlock, sealing us off from the outside world, and we’ll get started.”
She looks up, her eyes focusing on the camera, she suppresses a small smile as she answers.