It took everything I had to walk away from her. I opened my eyes early that morning. She was so beautiful sleeping softly next to me. I laid there for a moment just watching her. I'm so sorry Page, I hope someday you will forgive me. I said softly and moved from her bed. I reached over and kissed her head one last time as I left her home.
I sat on the jet and just looked out the window. I wish I could have told you just how much I love you. I wish my world wasn't so fucked up. I felt my heart go into a million different ways. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Goodbye, my world.
"So you did a good thing for her man. Why are you still beating yourself up over it?" Josh said. Josh was my most trusted and oldest friend. I just shook my head. "Come on man, you said it wasn't a world for her. You did the right thing. Where's my strong, fun friend?" He said.
"Cut it out man, I love this girl," I said. Josh just looked at me.
"You, you love someone and you left her? What the hell man. We could have protected her you know." He said. I just looked at him.
"She deserves better," I said. "My world is not for her. Trust me, she is not like the women we are used to. I would of done nothing but destroy her spirit. I couldn't do that. It's what I fell in love with." I said.
"You're a mess man," Josh said. "I still can't believe you gave her all that money," Josh said. I looked up at him.
"Her piece of shit bitch of a mother left her nothing. She never would have taken a dime from me. I had to do it." I said. "Besides I wanted nothing of that bitches things," I said and turned to look back out the window. Fucking whore. I said to myself. I'm glad your dead.
I've been doing my best to forget what Mathew and I did. I know it seems wrong that I let him do something that I keep stopping Levi from doing, but sometimes you get so caught up in a moment. You just can't help yourself. Not that I owe anyone anything. It's my life and I don't belong to anyone. It's not that I don't want to see Mathew again, but I think I gave him the wrong impression of me. Or did I? I mean I am my mother's daughter. Not that I'm comparing myself to her. I can remember a talk she had with me about sex when I was fifteen years old. How she told me some people like it more then others and she was one who liked it. Her talks with me never really seemed to be a genuine mother, daughter type of talk, but it was nice when she was playing nice.
I had decided to take the rest of the week off from school just to try and get back to my normal self. I had to get myself back on track and stop worrying about things so much. How was I ever going to move on if I keep choosing not to? Monday morning rolled around and I got myself up bright and early with all intentions of moving forward. I left Levi a text message asking him to come over this evening. He didn't text me back, but it was early.
I got to school and headed to Mathew's classroom. The door was open and I found him writing something on the board. I stood at the doorway and took a deep breath. Two other students made their way passed me and went inside. That made me feel better if I wasn't alone there was no way Mathew would say anything. I walked in after them and took a seat. I watched as Mathew turned around and his eyes found mine. He took a deep breath and didn't look too happy. Maybe I should pull myself out of his class. I thought to myself. The rest of the class filled up and his lecture for the day went by slowly. The bell rang out and everyone started heading out. I grabbed my things and that's when I heard him.
"Miss Walker, can I see you for a moment." He said. Fuck, I said to myself. I took a deep breath and walked over to his desk.
"Yes, Mr. Swanson?" I said. He watched the door until everyone was out. He then got up and went over to the door and closed it and locked it.
"Where have you been?" I heard him say.
"Home," I said.
"Why haven't you been here?" He asked me.
"Because I needed time to myself," I said.
"I'm sorry about the other day." He said as he took a seat behind his desk.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I was just as much to blame." I said.
"I don't usually behave that way Page. I'm sorry if you have the wrong idea about me." He said. His face looked genuine and I felt sorry for him.
"I don't, but I was worried you would have the wrong idea about me." We both smiled at each other. "I don't go around fucking my teachers," I said with a laugh.
"And I don't go around fucking my students." He said with a smile.
"Are we okay here?" I asked him.
"Yes, but." He stopped talking for a moment.
"But?" I asked him.
"I want to see you again." He said. I took a deep breath.
"I'm kind of, well sort of seeing someone. It's nothing serious and it's really new." I said. He looked at me funny.
"So then you should be free to see anyone you want right now," Mathew said. I knew he was right, but do I really want to juggle two guys right now. It would be a nice distraction. Keep me on my toes.
"Why don't you let me think about it. Okay?" I said. He smiled at me. I walked off and headed to my next class. With the new hot Mr. Clark. I laughed as I entered his room. I took a seat in the back. There were only a few students already there. Mr. Clark scanned the room and found me.
"Miss Walker I presume?" He said looking right at me.
"Yes, sir?" I said. He smiled at me and I just couldn't get over the fact that he was so familiar to me. Like I knew him or something I just couldn't put my finger on. He wrote something down on a piece of paper and went back to his desk. His class was pretty fun to learn in and I enjoyed his lecture. I decided to ask him for the makeup work when the bell went off. The bell rang and I headed up front to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Clark, Is there any way I could get the makeup work from you?" I asked him. He turned and looked at me. His eyes were so familiar. I just knew I've seen him before. "I'm sorry sir, but have we met?" I asked him.
"I don't think so Miss Walker, I'm sure I would have remembered your pretty face." I blushed when he said that. I wasn't attracted to him in the least. That was for sure. "You can have the makeup work, but you only have two days to turn it in." He said. I nodded at him and left the room.
Later that evening I still hadn't heard from Levi. I'm pretty sure I ran him off. I decided to just have some tea on my back porch. It was a warm night and I sat out there in nothing but a small sundress and nothing else. I could feel the sweat running down my neck and then there was a cool breeze that came through. It felt great. "Hey, you." I heard Levi say behind me. I turned and he was standing in the door frame watching me. I smiled at him.
"Hey you, I didn't think I was going to see you," I said.
"Are you kidding me? Of course, I'm here." He said as he made his way over to me.
"Would you like some tea?" I asked him. He took a seat in front of me and poured himself a glass.
"Let's talk Page, am I wasting my time here with you?" He asked me. A valid question.
"I can't really give you an answer to that Levi. My friendship for you is something you're not wasting your time with, but my heart is a little damaged. I can't tell you if you're wasting your time with it or not." I said as honestly as I could. He just smiled at me.
"I appreciate that Page." He said. We spent the rest of the evening just talking and enjoying each other's company without the wonder of where this was going. I really appreciated that. It was nice to just have a friend. Levi is a really good guy and I really do care for him. I just don't love him or anyone else for that matter. That was a lie. I knew where my heart belonged I just didn't know if I could get it back.