"You have no idea who your fucking with."
"How can you do this to her?"
"I can do whatever I please. I own that little bitch and she is just living off of him. That's my money she has and I will own everything he has. Stop fucking around with the plan."
"You're going too far."
"You weren't saying that when we started all of this."
"That's before I got to know her."
"If you cared so much then why did you leave?"
"You forced me to go."
"Oh stop acting like a baby. Trust me everything is going to go perfect and we will be rich."
"I don't know about all of this. He is a powerful man."
"Yeah, and rich, don't forget rich."
"I know it, now shut up and help me."
The next morning I was awake before Mathew. He was sound asleep next to me. Of course, my first thought was the note. I guess I really shouldn't be too worried about it. Nothing happened last night and to be perfectly honest I don't think anything will. I went on with my life as normal. I haven't heard or seen anything out of the ordinary. Its been about two months. Things with Mathew and Levi are the same. I'm not really sure how I feel about Mathew and I. I've been questioning it a lot lately. We're not really moving forward and were more like, just bed buddies.
It doesn't mean that I don't care for him. I just think I would have felt something more by now then what I'm feeling. The only thing I really hold onto is the fact that he helps me to keep my head straight, but I don't think it's fair to keep him due to just that. I had come to the conclusion of having a talk with him about all of it. Because I knew how I felt at the moment, but I really didn't know how Mat felt. He was picking me up this evening and we were going out for a movie. I figured it was time to talk with him.
"Hello, beautiful." He said as I opened the front door.
"Hello, Matt," I said.
"Are you ready to go?" He asked me. I nodded my head at him and we walked to his car. He opened the door for me and I took a seat. He got in and we took off. Matt parked the car and before we got out I turned over to face him.
"I need to talk to you," I said. He stopped and turn to face me.
"Okay, what's up?" He asked me.
"How do you feel about us? I mean where do you see this going?" I asked him. He sat quietly for a moment.
"I mean I really like you Page and I enjoy our time together, but I'm not really sure where this is going. Only because you're really hard to read." He said. I was kind of taken aback by his answer.
"What do you mean? Hard to read." I asked him.
"You are just sort of closed off to me." He said and then turned to look out his window. I took a deep breath.
"I'd like to be more open. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I wish I felt different about us." I said. He turned his head to me.
"So how do you feel about us Page?" He asked me. I looked down and started to play with my fingers.
"I don't really feel too much," I said quietly.
"That's real nice Page." He said. I looked up at him and I could see the anger on his face.
"I'm sorry Mat. I care very much for you, but I don't love you like that. I just thought it was right to talk with you about this." I said softly. His face softens some. Then he took a deep breath.
"Maybe I should just take you back home and we can talk later." He said. I agreed with him and we left. Once I was home Mat left and I went inside and gave Levi a call. I really needed a friend. I just didn't know what was wrong with me. I'm starting to think that Spencer ruined any man for me and that I just belonged to him. Because no matter what I've tried to do. My heart has just stayed with him.
Levi showed up and I poured my heart out to him. Not that he agreed with anything I was saying about Spencer, but at least he was listing to me and not telling me how to live my life.
"Maybe you should go to Spencer," Levi said. I laughed out loud. "What's so funny?" He asked me. I just took a deep breath.
"Because Levi, He doesn't want me," I said.
"Are you really sure about that? Because from what you've told me about him. It doesn't seem like he left you because he didn't want you. It seems as though he left because he wanted to protect you from something." He said. I licked my lips for a minute. I thought about it.
"Yeah, but even if that were true. If he really loved me he wouldn't have just been able to leave like that." I said. Levi just shook his head.
"You're truly a dumb and smart girl Page. I swear." He said.
"What the hell is that so post to mean?" I said. He smiled at me.
"Some of our greatest cost is doing what's right for the ones we love my dear. Not being selfish is a great sacrifice." He said. Fuck, I said to myself. I was now even more confused then I was before.
"I don't know what to do Levi," I said just pacing around my living room. Levi stayed sitting with a smile on his face. I just shook my head and kept on pacing around.
"Why don't we take a trip to New York," Levi said. I shot my head at him.
"Are you crazy?" I said.
"Kind of." He said smiling.
"What if I get there and he has completely moved on and he really didn't care at all?" I said.
"Then hell Page at least you would know and then maybe you can truly move on. Fuck, you have to do something." He said and tossed his head on the back of the couch. I just looked at him and rolled my eyes.
"Fine. let's go." I said. He looked back at me and smiled. "I've got some time off coming up next week. We can go then." I said. Levi clapped his hands like a two-year-old and I just laughed. "I'm really glad we are friends Levi," I said.
"Me too sweetheart." He said.
The rest of the week dragged on and I tried to find some info out on Spencer. That way I at least knew where we were going. I found his company, but I remembered he didn't really spend to much time there. I also knew they weren't just going to give me his address. Levi and I just couldn't walk around blind. I needed to actually find Spencer. I was still trying to figure out what the hell I would say once I got there.
"Hey Page, you look distracted over there. What's on your mind?" Mr. Clark asked me. I was staying after school today to help him with grading some papers. I smiled over at him.
"I'm sorry sir, I've just got a lot on my mind right now," I said.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me.
"Its really nothing. I'm just going to New York this coming week to confess my undying love to someone that I don't think loves me back." I said. His face looked shocked. I laughed.
"That sounds pretty big Page. Who is this boy?" He asked me.
"No one you know. He is just a guy I knew back home." I said. "He was everything to me and I'm just not ready to let it go," I said. He smiled at me.
"Sounds like an adventure to me Page. Are you sure it's worth it?" He asked me.
"I don't know, but if I don't find out. I'm going to go crazy. I'm just not sure what I'm going to find out once I'm there. It's a little intimidating. To tell you the truth. He left me because he didn't want to drag me into his world. Whatever that meant and I'm just not willing to accept it." I said.
"You're a strong woman Page. If you think this is something you have to do. Then do it." Mr. Clark said. He went back over to his desk and grabbed his phone. "Excuse me for a moment. I need to make a call." He said as he left the room. I went back to grading the papers.
Sunday morning Levi was here bright and early. We had a seven am flight to New York. He helped me get my things together and we headed out to the airport.
"Are you ready for this Page?" He asked me. I nodded at him and we headed inside the airport.
"Where the hell is she going?" I asked Josh.
"Like I know man, but we had better get in there and find out." He said. We followed her and her friend around until we saw her board a plane going to New York.
"What the fuck? Why is she going there?" I said.
"We had better head home." Josh said.