My parents are Rick Carter and Linda Esposito. Dad was a school administrator and my mother had some uptight socialite job that I never really understood. They were never married and split up when I was a teenager. I was never very close with my mother and we all stopped talking to each other when I met my fiance Ed Rodgers. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
As a little girl, I was never really into dolls except to play “Nurse” and pretend they were sick patients. I was more into games, reading, and music. My favorite toy was an Easy Bake Oven. I loved to sing and dance and my favorite singer was Olivia Newton John.
I was an average student and had some cool friends. School never appealed to me though except reading and English class.
My dad and I were close. He used to read to me at bedtime and drove me to school every morning. He always had a rock station on the radio and we would sing together. He was definitely the fun parent until I got to my junior year in high school.
Neither of my parents liked Ed but my father was particularly annoyed by him. While my mother didn’t like him because she was always just a snob, my father said that he could see him stealing my “Tracyness” as he called it.
“What happened to that spirit my little girl once had? He’s not right for you, Doll Baby.” He said on our way to school.
“He’s perfect for me daddy. I still have my spirit, I’m just a little calmer is all.” I told him.
“It’s not that. You are settling down but your fire is dwindling. I have to side with your mother on this one, honey. I’m sorry.”
“It’s whatever dad. I’m not breaking up with him!” I insisted as I got out of the car.
After school that day, there was a lot of tension at home. My mother was making dinner and my father stayed in his office most of the day until it was time to have dinner. That’s when we had the big family fight.
“What if you get pregnant, Doll Baby? That would be it for you. Your life, as you know it, would never be the same.” My father looked at me and said.
“Is that what I am to you guys? An inconvenient interruption?” I asked them both.
“No, dear. What your father is saying is that we don’t want that for you.” My mom said.
“That’s not what I asked. I asked if I held you guys back. Was I a mistake?” I asked them.
They didn’t say anything. They just looked at each other with a curious gaze that sort of already answered my question.
“Well, I’m sorry I was born.” I said as I stormed away from the table.
I went to my room, put the headphones on, and locked the door. I had Joan Jett blasting in my ear because I didn’t want to hear them fighting but when the tape was between songs, I heard something that made me take my headphones off and listen in.
“Is that why you never married me? You don’t want to be tied down?” My mother asked my father.
“You know why I don’t want to be married.” My dad answered.
“Oh, yeah. Because you could never stay faithful. How very honorable.” My mom sarcastically said.
“I told you that from the gate, Linda.” He said.
If I knew that he was leaving that night and that I would never see him again, I would have gone back downstairs but instead, I just went back to my music.
I was devastated when I came home from school the next day and I learned that he moved out. I even went to his office the next day but he wasn’t there. My mother told me that he was moving back to Ohio to be with his family. I thought we were his family. I hated him from that moment on.
I did a little better academically after a while and even better at a social life. I always loved to party and I fell in love with sex as soon as I lost my virginity.
Ed was a charmer and very romantic at first. After prom, he took me to a nice motel, lit some candles and had soft music playing. He was gazing into my eyes as we were dancing slowly to nothing but our heartbeats.
“Are you ready for this?” He asked me.
“I was born ready.” I said. I couldn’t wait to lose my virginity.
He laid me on the bed and slowly undressed me. I laid there naked, watching as he got naked. It was the first time I ever saw a hard dick right there in front of me with my own eyes. I was a little terrified but I didn’t care. I wanted it so badly and I wanted him to want me to. I wanted him to touch me, to taste me and to take me.
He asked me if I wanted to suck his dick. I told him I wasn’t sure because I had never done it before. He was happy to show me how to do it.
Turns out, I was a natural. I’ll never forget how much I enjoyed it. I was actually disappointed when he came but he had no problem getting it back up after he went down on me. The way his tongue felt on my pussy was incredible and I was guessing that his cock inside of me would feel even better.
He climbed on top of me, and slowly guided himself inside. It hurt pretty bad at first but he was gentle and took his time. He sped up after a little while and I got right into it. The feel of his hard cock inside of me was paradise. I didn’t cum that first time, but he did. Instead, I ended up bleeding and was very sore, but I couldn’t wait for more.
Right after graduation, Ed took a job as a plumber and got an apartment. He asked me to move in with him and my mother went mental.
“Absolutely not! You will go to college, graduate and then start your career first before living with a boy. Not to mention you will have to be married first.” My mother insisted.
So I declined Ed’s offer. When I told him why he proposed. He didn’t have a ring yet but I didn’t care. I accepted.
With his next paycheck, he got a very cheap diamond ring and put it on my finger right away. My mother forbade it.
“You listen to me well, young lady. You will attend and complete college before you marry and you will not marry that bum!”
“You can’t tell me what to do anymore mother. I’m an adult now.” I argued.
“That’s right. You are an adult which means that I don’t have to pay your way anymore. Tracy Carter, if you marry this boy, you can forget about me. I will cut you off, and completely disown you.” She said so sternly.
“FINE!” I screamed.
I packed my things, and that was the last time I would see my mother for a long time.
I was completely dependent on Ed who wouldn’t even let me get a part-time job. Things turned bad real quick after that. Knowing he had me at his mercy, he started to treat me bad. I mean really bad! He would accuse me of fucking around for no good reason, he started to call me names and then eventually started to hit me. The worst beating I ever got ended me up in the emergency room busted up pretty badly. A very kind nurse named Jennifer took care of me and soon became my friend. She was an E.R. nurse but came upstairs to visit me even after I had been admitted. She was the one who got me set up with a shelter and a program that got me back on my feet and eventually helped me get into nursing school. I owe everything to her!
A few years after I became a nurse, Jennifer was taken early from this world by breast cancer. I still visit her grave often, but I never take anyone with me. It’s just too personal to me. She was the one who showed me that with hard work during the day, you get to play even harder at night. She was also my first female lover. I will never forget her.
I was still grieving when I met my life long best friend, Morgan Fox. He had just turned 18 the night he came into the E.R. He was fighting, banged up, and high as hell. I was treating him like any other patient even though I found him insanely attractive. Despite his very charming advances, I kept it professional, yet friendly. I felt bad for the kid after looking at his chart. He was a frequent flyer as a child. He wasn’t sick, he was abused, and so was his mother. The kid was homeless, jobless and seemingly, in good spirits despite it all.
When he was discharged, I stopped him before he left and gave him my phone number.
“Now don’t go confusing this as some sort of come-on. I’m only giving you my number because I’m worried about you, and I want you to know that you have a friend, should you ever need one.” I handed him my number.
“Oh wow! Thank you so much, Miss Carter.” He said as he teared up, and hugged me.
“Don’t go getting all mushy on me, Wild Child. And my name is Tracy! Don’t ever call me ‘Miss Carter’ again!”
And I called him Wild Child ever since.
The first time I had him at my house, he made himself right at home. I let him spend the night so we rented videos and ordered pizza. We ignored what we thought was going to be a scary movie and made fun of it instead. We stayed up all night laughing and having a blast.
“How does a chick as fun and sexy as you stay single?” He asked me.
“I get around Wild Child. Trust that! I just don’t stay around.” I answered him.
“If you were my girl I’d never let you go.” He said charmingly.
“Well, I’m not your girl so shut the fuck up with that shit.” I told him.
I decided then and there that no matter how much this boy broke my heart, he can’t live here. I’d never get rid of him. I let him crash here from time to time and even bailed him out of jail a time or two but not without a stern kick in his ass.
I went out one night with a few people from work. One of the nurses from my department, but on another shift, was coming with her husband who was a cop. As far as I was concerned, they were the only ones there.
Ray and Brenda were a very attractive and friendly couple. Brenda and I were dancing together and just playfully flirting. Ray came over and joined us while looking at Brenda as if she had done something wrong.
“I’m sorry Ray, I was just having fun. It didn’t mean anything.” I told him.
“Well, that’s a shame.” He replied.
“Excuse me?” I asked him, looking at them both.
“He was actually hoping that you might be interested in me. In us both, actually.” Brenda said to me.
“I think you’re both hot.” I said, shouting over the music.
“Do you want to come home with us?” Brenda asked me.
“Yeah, sure.” I said emphatically.
We went back to their place and ended up having a wicked threesome. That was my first time with more than one person. The more I had sex, the more I wanted to explore it.
Ray showed me a few toys they had and Brenda explained how a dom/sub relationship works. I loved the idea, but I wasn’t going to let people that I didn’t even know, tie me up and blindfold me. That came later in life.
Vince and Steve were a gay couple I met at the lake on one of my days off. I never realized how turned on I was by man on man sex until I met them. They were playing Frisbee and I got hit with it. A cliche meet-cute, I know but that’s really how we met.
We ended up spending the day together and things got a little heated up as the sun was setting.
“I thought you guys were gay.” I said when Vince tried to kiss me.
“We’re not anything really. We have no sexual barriers.” Steve answered.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Just that we can’t help what turns us on. Men, women, it doesn’t matter. I happen to be more turned by men and Vince here is more turned on by women. We have several lovers of both sexes.” Steve explained.
“Kinkiness! Cool.” And so I returned Vince’s advances.
As the night went on, we ended up back at their place and I discovered something about myself. I can be very sexually aggressive.
Vince was a dominant man and Steve was his submissive. As I watched them having sex, I found myself barking orders at and for Steve. I was ordering him things like, “Spank him!” and “Suck it bitch!” to both of them and it really turned me on.
The rest, so they say, is history.
And now here I am 15 years later and about to be married. I’m about to become a wife and a mother. I wanted to tell Justin so badly but I think I’m going to wait, and surprise him at the wedding. I’m actually a little excited about it. Maybe I’ll tell my mother. I have to tell somebody. I’m going to burst.
Then I got a call from Marie that would change everything.
“Tracy, honey. You need to get the gang together and get to my house as soon as you can.” She said with a chilling tone.
As soon as I walked in the door, Morgan fell into my arms and was crying so hard he couldn’t talk. I looked at Marie with confusion.
“Rose was killed early this morning.” Marie whispered to me.
“Oh my God. Morgan!” I hugged him tightly.
“Where’s Dan?” I asked.
“Arrested for killing Micheal.” She whispered.
She sat us all down and explained the events that had just unfolded when I saw Morgan tending to the wound on his neck.
“Let me take a look at that, doll.” I said to him.
“DON’T start hovering me!” He snapped.
“Fine then. What can I do?” I asked.
“Nothing. I just need Dan right now. He’s in jail for saving my life. My mother...” He started to cry again.
Feeling helpless, I held him as tight as I could. I’ve never seen him like this before. Usually, he runs away when things get tense but I think he’s sticking around for the kids. Thank the Gods for them!