I don’t want to wake up. My body doesn’t want to move even after my mind begins to realize I am alone in bed. I am sore everywhere. My breasts are raw. My butt is cramped. My vagina feels like a ton of bricks fell on it. And yet I have a smile on my face. I shift and air escapes my asshole before I’m ready for it and I slap my hand over my face, glad I’m alone. It’s different from a fart, that you feel in your colon and intestines. This is impossible to hold in, the air created during our lovemaking. A few more happen as I sit up and I’m laughing to myself because there is really nothing I can do about it.
I lay back down, not ready to face the day but I want to find Nick and see how he’s feeling. As much as I enjoyed last night, it wasn’t exactly his cup of tea and yet he handled it with his manly pride. But I need to know he still loves me the same. I’m scared that this did unknown damage.
A few years ago, I became fascinated with bondage. Him, me, it didn’t matter who was tied up just as long as the ropes were tight and impossible to get out of. After several months of slowly escalating to more extreme forms, I had him tied up to a chair and explored boldly with how much pain he could take. Then the unforgivable happened: I dripped candle wax on his balls, by accident, by complete accident. I was aiming for his chest when a drop randomly fell and he bucked like crazy, screeching and cursing. He vowed we were never doing it again before he gave me the silent treatment for a few days. I sank into a depression quickly, feeling like a sicko for hurting my husband.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s not like sex isn’t enough. I love having sex. I love thinking about it, watching it, and obviously doing it. I can be just fine without exploring other worlds. But I stew on an idea for weeks and months and it won’t get out of my head until I act on it. It’s partly because I’m stubborn. I don’t give up easily. Maybe if Nick wasn’t so open to my fantasies, I wouldn’t have dived headfirst into this dark hole. If he was stricter, telling me no, I’d keep them to myself and just let them roll around in my head forever. But he gets excited when I come up with a new sexual conquest and I love to impress him. He’s a genius of a man who works fifty hours a week. Taking care of his sexual cravings is part of who I’ve become as a person. I’m his wife, I want to fill the need no one else can.
My phone rings and I reach for the nightstand, noticing all the toys and lubes still out and cringe. I yank it off the charger. My sister’s voice is loud over the speaker and I hold it in front of my face. Wonder what she would say from the dozen used condoms encircling my bed.
“The Andersons said they wanted blue orchids.”
My mind roles out of the sexual and into work. “No, they wanted blue roses.”
“You better get down here and tell them that. They’re pissed.”
I groan. I was off for a whole other day. I picked last night specifically so I wouldn’t have to move today. “Are they there?”
“They’re on their way.”
“Fine. Thirty minutes.”
With groans and other odd sounds, I can’t stop, I roll out of bed and make it downstairs. I unlock the baby gate at the bottom. Snowball isn’t allowed upstairs. She tends to get jealous easily and anytime I give my husband affection, she shoves her nose between us. She’s jumped on the bed during intercourse before and though Nick found it hilarious, I was steaming. Needlessly to say, Snowball and I don’t get along.
I’m surprised when I hear Nick talking. I wonder if he’s on the phone and I journey to the balcony, eyes wide upon seeing Tyler sitting across from him at the small table. Nick’s talking about work and Tyler’s eyes slip toward me. My whole body flushes.
Nick cuts himself off to greet me, “Oh hey baby. You finally awake?”
“Good morning.” Tyler greets.
“What time is it?” I step out on the porch, but then I retreat inside, sliding the door partly closed. I’m in a small shirt and panties in front of another man. It may not have mattered last night but it matters now. He’s not our escort anymore.
“Um, Nick, can I talk to you inside?”
He sets his drink down and quickly follows as I move back to the stairs, “What’s up, baby?”
“Why is Tyler still here?”
“We were talking. Guy talk. You okay?”
Nick scratches the side of his head, “About what?”
“Why he’s here!”
He rests a hand on the rail and shrugs, “I got up this morning and he had made breakfast. Leftovers are in the oven. We’ve just been talking.”
“You’re not supposed to become friends.”
“Relax. It’s not a big deal.”
If he doesn’t think it is then maybe I’m overreacting. I really didn’t think I’d ever see Tyler again and I had made my peace with that last night. I certainly didn’t want him in our lives. It made it awkward. I had sex with him with my husband in the room. It’s not something you just get over and hang out without it being a present white elephant encompassing my thoughts. “I gotta go to work. There’s a problem with an order. I’ll be back later.” I kiss him and dart up the steps.
“I’m going to eat your breakfast!”
I giggle, “Fat ass!”
In the bathroom, I rush to get ready. My body fights me the whole way. I feel like I’ve gotten a deep tissue massage, nothing wants to operate the way it should. My bed mocks me as I walk by unable to dive into the covers. I pull on jeans, depressingly and moan as it rubs my aching privates.
A knock on the door startles me and I swing around. Tyler stands in the doorway with a smile. He’s gorgeous in the sunlight, like a damn swimsuit model. He wears a nice black t-shirt, shorts hanging past his knee. I drop my eyes, feeling my body shiver and my nipples harden. I snatch my shirt and hug it around my chest.
“I just wanted to see if you were alright. We didn’t damage you too much, did we?” He grins and my face heats up.
“No. I’m fine. I have to go to work.”
“Alright. I’ll let you get dressed.” He steps back.
“Wait.” I move forward, stopping when he raises his brows in question. “I just wanted to say, um, thank you. You were...everything I dreamed.”
A warmness passes over his face. His fingers reach out and brush strands away from my face, “You made it easy.” He steps out and down the stairs.
I blow out air. So, he’s attractive, good in bed, a sweet talker, and a future doctor. How the hell is that man single? Why does he have to be all those things? I’m just smitten because he was the first man I’ve touched since I got married. Nothing more. I love my husband and I wouldn’t change our lives for anything. That’s why Tyler needs to leave. It’s not a good idea for him to linger. But how do I express this to my husband without him thinking I’ve developed any feelings for our escort?
It’s really not about feelings. It’s purely sexual.
Hopefully by the time I get home, whatever bonding is going on between them will be over and I won’t have to say anything. I still didn’t get to talk to Nick about what happened last night. Though, he doesn’t seem to need to talk about it. It’s the girl in me. I need it. I want to hear reassuring words that last night was as good for him as it was for me. Well, nearly as good.
I don’t know why I bother going to work. Nobody listens to me and the customer is ‘always right’ even when they are flat out wrong. I wish I had a video camera in my store, taping my clients as they gave me details to everything they wanted. Then I would have proof when they suddenly change their mind and act like it’s been that way since the freaking beginning. Orchids. Not once did we ever talk about orchids. But they were searching for a discount and my mother provided because she’s a pushover.
I’ve been thinking about going into business for myself. I don’t know how much longer I can put up with my family. Their drama is not mine. I like being able to come home and not have to stress about a single thing.
I step in the front door, no surprise Snowball doesn’t greet me, but I notice one other thing. Two voices.
Tyler’s still here and it’s nearly eight at night. What the fuck? Does he not have a life? Or a home? Or friends? How can he hang out all day with a stranger? Aren’t either of them uncomfortable with what happened last night?
I walk down the hall, into the living room. They are both intensely playing a shooting game, cursing each other, and laughing. There are pizza boxes on the coffee table, empty cans of beer littering the floor. I’m speechless.
They’ve become friends. My life is over.
“Hey.” I force out, hoping my terror isn’t obvious.
Tyler drops the controller in his lap as he looks around Nick, greeting me with a smile. Nick barely glances at me before he continues his vigilant gaze on the screen, “Hey, babe. I ordered pizza for dinner. We left you some.”
“I don’t like pizza.” I remind him, my temper escalating.
“Yeah. Uh, we got really hungry.”
“Honey, what’s our rules?”
“Huh?” He keeps plugging away at the damn game.
“If one works, then the other cooks.”
He appears a bit aggravated but it might be the game as he dies. “Damn it.” He finally turns his gaze to me, “I got pizza.”
“What’s the other rule?”
He drops his head before glancing back at Tyler, “She’s always pissy when she gets home.”
Tyler doesn’t say a word, dropping his face.
“Video games off when I walk in. You know I hate that.”
He snatches up the remote and snaps off the TV. “There.”
I spin on my foot, “I’m going to shower.”
“I just turned off the game. Come on, Katie, did you want to talk?”
“I’m fine.” I pound up the stairs, slamming the door and snapping the lock so no uninvited guest can sneak up on me in the shower.
I pinup my hair before stepping in. What is he doing? Why did Tyler stay all day? Why is he acting like a frat boy in college? He knows my likes and dislikes and he usually works with them. Never blatantly ignoring me as he did just now. Is he showing off? Being cooler in front of his new ‘friend?’
I stay upstairs for a good while, if only to make Nick realize I’m upset. I’ve had time to calm down but I don’t like how he’s acting like this isn’t a big deal. Tyler shouldn’t be here anymore.
Taking a breath, I venture downstairs, only to be surprised by the smell of cooking food. Tyler’s in the kitchen at the stove stirring something while Nick finishes up collecting the beer cans and throwing them into the trash. He straightens when he notices me. “You feel better?”
Tyler turns around, smiling, “Take a seat.”
I knit my brows suppressing a grin. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think they were trying to butter me up. It’s working.
I sit down at the island, feeling underdressed. I had put on pajamas, with pants this time and kept my bra on as well. My hair is still pinned up in a messy bun with stray hairs random hanging down. I hadn’t even looked at myself in the mirror. I usually don’t put much effort into my looks but with Tyler here, I feel unsure of myself.
Nick snags the bottle of wine out of the pantry and pops it open bringing the glass over and setting it down in front of me, “My lady.”
I giggle, shaking my head. He pours till it’s near the rim and I scream at him to stop, laughing. He rounds the island and leans against me, turning my head with a finger and kissing my lips, “Forgive me for being rude?”
I smile into his lips, “Forgiven.” He attacks my neck, tickling me, making me squeal.
Tyler approaches and places the plate of food in front of me. “FYI, cooking is not one of my talents.”
It is spaghetti, probably the only thing they could find that was easy to make and didn’t take much time. It is sweet and thoughtful and my bad mood fades. Nick and Tyler both listen intently as I speak about my day. The awful customers, my mother’s ridiculous pushover qualities, and my sister’s nagging pushing me into a state of annoyance. I admit I might have been a little “pissy” though they tell me it was reasonable. Tyler asks questions about the family business and I reveal the details, how I began when I was sixteen, how I paid my way through college. He appears interested and asks intelligent questions that require thoughtful answers. We all end up sitting on the couch with drinks in our hands, talking for a couple hours. Nick was right. Tyler is easy to talk too.
It’s Nick that poses the idea of getting into the hot tub. Feeling rather good with my wine, I’m for it and he and I head upstairs to change.
“I gotta ask you something.” He begins the moment he softly shuts our bedroom door.
I remove my shirt, “What’s that?”
“So, Tyler doesn’t have a place to live.”
My actions cease. I’m afraid to hear more. “What do you mean? Why?”
“It’s a long story. His ex-girlfriend kicked him out last week. He’s been living in his car and at random friend’s dorms on campus.”
“He makes a ton of money--”
“It’s going to his student loans and car payment which are extravagant and dumb but his choice. He just bought a BMW 3 series for sixty thousand. You should see this car, babe, it is out of this world.”
“Why’d he buy it if he didn’t have a place to live?”
He rolls his eyes, “It was obviously before she kicked him out.”
I return to putting on my bathing suit trying to figure out what Nick’s point is. I’m really praying it’s not what I think it is. “Why’d she kick him out?”
“He was lying about his side job. It’s kind of not something to brag about. She found a condom in his pants and it went to hell from there.”
I brush my teeth to get rid of the taste of wine. I’m scrubbing away, my belly bubbling, waiting for the inevitable.
“So..” His voice filters into the bathroom. “Thought he could stay until the weekend. Just a few days to help him find a way to get a place. Doesn’t really have good credit and he’s got an eviction. He’s searching craigslist for an extra bedroom close to campus. He’s checking two out tomorrow so he might not even need to stay that long.”
I stand in the doorway. “You don’t care that this guy screwed me last night?”
Nick winced, “Don’t say that.” He sits on the bed, holding his head in his hands, “Now I’m thinking about it. God damn it.”
I sit beside him, “We haven’t talked about it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just move on?”
“Are you mad at me?”
He snaps his head up with knit brows, “What? No. I just don’t want to think about it. I’m fine, really. What do you think? Is it okay? He’s kind of cool, right?”
“Are you this desperate for a friend?” I giggle, nudging him.
“Shut up. So? Can he?”
I throw my hands up, blowing air out of my lips and Nick is quick to kiss my cheek, thanking me. I remain sitting for a while, in utter disbelief that a man I hired to fuck me will now be living with me.
Fuck my life.
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