Surrender To Me (Book One)

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Chapter 8a

Maybe it’s the romance of my wedding night. Maybe it’s the incredible level of my need, but I believe him when he tells me he wants more for me. I believe him because I want to and I believe him because of the tender expertise he wields as he seduces me.

I can do this. I can turn over my body, my head and my heart. This is going to be okay. After all, I am a sexual being. God made me to respond to this kind of stimulus. Jackson is my husband. He loves me and has my best interests at heart. He’s pledged his love, his protection and his support. What more can a girl possibly want?

While I’m busy pep talking my way into an orgasm, Jackson stealthily moves his fingers forward to my clit. My body is so ripe, so ready. The intensity of his touch is incredible.

Suddenly, that pep talk I’m counting on flees and leaves me on my own. Of course, trepidation creeps in and I become anxious about the event that’s coming for me. I reach for Jackson’s hand a second time.

“No, Ellie,” Jackson sternly reminds me. “I told you no.”

I need something to do with my hands, so I groan and pull a pillow over my face. Jackson doesn’t let up. He rubs and strokes me while I moan and writhe beneath the pressure of his fingers against me.

I hear Jackson’s calm encouraging voice above the angst in my head. “Focus, Ellie. Concentrate on my touch,” he reminds me. I pull my head together and do my best to obey him. I make a conscientious effort to follow the motion of his fingers against the nub of my femininity. Each stroke, back and forth, is more pleasurable than the one prior to it. Soon, the muscles in my legs begin to twitch, the twitches grow closer to my center until my body can take no more. It releases the tension in wave after wave of pleasure. I scream violently into the pillow expressing the pleasure that Jackson elicits from me. My body and Jackson work in tandem. I’m simply along for the ride. Jackson continues to hold me captive while he pulls every ounce of release from me.

Unseen by Jackson, I’m biting into my pillow. I may sound like a maniac, but I’m doing my best to respond like a lady. Finally, I push the pillow aside and recover from the intensity of my climax.

Suddenly, Jackson claims my mouth with his. He pounds me with kisses that aren’t tender or patient. He captures the back of my neck and pulls me into him with incredible force. The Jackson who so lovingly met my need succumbs to the primal, hungry side of himself. His kisses are hard and hungry as he devours me. He’s everywhere at once. My brain, my breathing can’t keep up. He latches onto my nipple and sucks hard. Again, he penetrates me with his fingers.

“Jackson?” I mutter breathlessly between kisses.

“Yes, sweetheart,” he moans.

“I still hurt so badly. My climax did not fix the ache in me.”

Jackson acknowledges that he hears me. “I know, Ellie, I’m coming for you.”

“I have to feel you deep inside me,” I beg tearfully.

“Ellie, I want you,” he whispers into my ear.

“Mmm hmm,” is all I can manage vocally.

Quickly, Jackson stands and strips his pants and underwear. I lie before him buck naked and gauge the size of his body, his member and the look in his eye. Jackson stands in front of me as semen drips from the end of his shaft. The hungry organ throbs up and forward reaching for me with its need. He’s massive in size and, for the third time, I feel trepidation’s attempt to rob me of what’s wifely mine.

Jackson sees my expression and understands my fear is returning. His movement is so fast and fluid that I don’t really register what’s happening as he sheaths himself in the protection he promised me. Jackson centers himself between my legs with the tip of his shaft poised at my center. He takes time to stroke my cheek. “I love you, Ellie. We’ll fit just fine, I promise.” Jackson comes for me. The girth of his hardness stretches me beyond any point I’ve ever achieved.

I gasp as my breath is pulled from me. My body bucks beneath Jackson’s intrusion. Well, it bucks as best it can while compressed between the bed and the mass of Jackson’s body. The pressure is new and incredible and wonderful. My mind, my heart and my spirit thanks God over and over.

“You okay, sweetheart?” I manage to nod my head and indicate that I’m fine. “Hold onto my neck, Ellie.” I comply with Jackson’s request as he reaches under my bottom, sits us upright and pulls himself into a kneeling position. I sit astride him with his shaft buried deep inside me.

This position brings new and different sensations. The pressure of him within me is making my ache worse, not better. I squirm and fall into his chest. My core is celebrating his presence. I’m overwhelmed. I’ve never had so much of me touched simultaneously. Jackson holds my bottom firmly against his shaft and pulls me forcefully against him. With each thrust the hilt of Jackson’s penis assaults my pelvis. The need in me cries out, “More, Jackson. More!”

Jackson finishes babysitting my insecurities. Satisfied that I’m no longer intimidated, he focuses on what his body needs. “I’m coming for you, Ellie,” he whispers breathlessly. He drives into me with incredible raw energy while his massive arms behind me make sure that I’m there to receive him.

Suddenly, a sheen of sweat erupts the entire length of my body as my leg and back muscles tense. Jackson repeatedly drills me. His girth drives deeper and deeper, demanding the cooperation of my body. He’s a detail-oriented machine coaxing every nerve ending in me to surrender itself. To my great relief, my body capitulates. It recognizes Jackson’s superiority and concedes its pent-up energy. Ripples emanate from my core and spread throughout my extremities. Finally, that horrible, wonderful ache is sated.

Jackson also finds his release and pulls my bottom in so tightly against him it occurs to me that he might go completely through me. Of course, he doesn’t. My sexual center simply widens and accepts everything Jackson demands of me.

“Ellie!” Jackson grunts into my ear, like some primal animal. I can tell his climax is stellar. He can’t speak because his body is breathless and busy convulsing against me from both sides. I’m forty-five years old and I’ve just had the best sex of my life. If I use this experience as the sole indicator of what my new life with Jackson will be like, I could not have chosen my new husband more wisely.

Soon, Jackson’s body, as well as mine, quiets, even though he’s still holding me against himself. His shaft is spent, and our union no longer dictates my position in front of him. He gently lays me on the bed and gazes deeply into my eyes.

His look is one of such honest satisfaction and devotion it’s hard for me to return it. I do not understand what he sees in me? Will I ever understand? Do I need to?

“How are you, Ellie? Are you okay?” he questions me.

Is blissful okay? Is ecstatic okay? How about euphoria? Is it allowed?

“No, Jackson,” comes my honest reply. He raises an eyebrow at me. “I passed okay quite some time ago.” I stroke the side of his adorable face. “I’m stratospherically blissful.”

“Really?” he asks, wanting reassurance. I kiss him with all the gratitude within me. “That was the most remarkable thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“Best ever?”

“There’s nothing that comes close, Jackson. Absolutely nothing. My body is so satisfied and happy, I’m laying here tingling all over. Thank you, Jackson. I could die, right now, the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

“Ellie, I just adore how you respond to me. You writhe beneath my touch. You obey me and surrender when I call for you to trust me. It’s the most remarkable thing I’ve ever experienced. For the first time in my life I understand sex is about so much more than two bodies meeting a physical need. There’s an unseen emotional connection, isn’t there?”

I nod in agreement. “For me, Jackson, maybe because I’m a woman, it’s the emotional aspect that allows me to trust you. I love you so much I want you to have me, but I’ve come to trust you so that’s why I can give myself to you the way I just did. I want to give myself to you so that I’m yours and yours alone. No one can ever possess me the way you just did. I belong to you, Jackson, only you.”

Jackson claims my mouth again. I don’t know how, but there’s un-sated hunger there. His residual need reaches for me and begs me to satisfy it. “I don’t know how, Jackson. My body is used up.”

“Let me show you, Ellie. Trust me again, will you?” The plea in his eyes is more obvious than the one in his voice.

He’s my husband. How can I possibly refuse him?

“I’ll step forward into the unknown with you, Jackson. Lead me and I’ll follow you.”

His kisses return and he penetrates me with his finger. The wetness and heat are still there. He brings pressure forward to my clit. I cringe and gasp at the discomfort.

“See, Ellie. Your body knows you need more. I’ll take care of you, sweetheart.”

Jackson slows his attention until my body no longer views it as uncomfortable but accepts it as pleasure. When the tension begins to build again Jackson increases the speed and ferocity of his touch. In no time, those pleasure inducing strokes are accumulating at a pace faster than my body can process them. Tension builds and releases within me as an explosion of ripples reach every cranny of me.

I lay before Jackson a resting mass of sated femininity. Tears seep from my eyes. I roll over onto my belly next to Jackson so I can feel him alongside me.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” he whispers as he rubs my back.

“I never knew….” I stammer while I cry.

“Knew what, Ellie?” Jackson asks with curiosity and concern both present in his voice.

“I never knew such things were possible. What an amazing discovery to find they are.”

“Oh, Ellie, we’ve barely scratched the surface. There’s so much more we can do together.”

“I can’t imagine what.”

“How about this?” Jackson asks as he centers himself between my legs. Jackson pulls my bottom up to meet his shaft and burrows himself deeply inside me.

I’m awed and shocked that his shaft has hardened to this size again so soon. Then again, all I have to compare him to is my first husband who was slightly more than 10 years older than me. I mean absolutely no disrespect to Thomas but believe me when I say there’s no comparison.

Jackson always seems to know when my focus is on something other than him. “Ellie, are you with me?”

“Yes, Jackson. You feel amazing inside me. I never realized it was possible for every micro-increment of my core to be touched simultaneously.”

“You like it from behind, then?” Jackson asks in a tone which indicates he’s quite pleased with himself.

Well, let’s be honest, shall we? He should be quite pleased with himself.

“Jackson, do to me what you want. I’m all yours.” That’s all Jackson needs to hear. He begins thrusting into me. My body opens and accepts him regardless of how forceful or quickly his thrusts come. The top of my head starts to buzz. My mouth gapes open and I forget to breathe. By the time Jackson empties his sheathed self into me I’ve had five orgasms. I’m breathless and speechless. There’s no way I could tell you my name.

Jackson lowers me back onto my belly as soon as my body expels him. He lies alongside me and wraps me in his arms. Oh, to feel the strength of those massive muscles around my sated body and euphoric mind. I’ve had many happy and contented moments, but they all pale when compared to this one. This is as good as happiness and satisfaction get.

“We really get to do this again?” I ask him, breathless with contentment.

“We will do this as often as you want. Wherever you want,” Jackson assures me.

“This seems too good to be true, Jackson. I won’t wake up and find it’s over, will I?”

“You’ll wake up and find we’re only beginning, Ellie,” he tells me as he kisses me again and again. My body is exhausted. My brain is excited but fatigued from all my experiences with my new husband. What an exhilarating few weeks. The stress of my insecurities is long gone. My body is sated into euphoria. I’m so relaxed I can’t fight the inevitable.

“Jackson?” I ask as he holds me so warmly against him.

“What is it, Ellie?”

I slur my response to, “I’m… going… sleep now…, k?”

“Sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be here when you wake. Good night. Ellie?”

“hmmm…”

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“I…wuv…u…oo,” is all I manage before fatigue and satisfaction pull me under.

Slowly, the sounds of morning pierce my consciousness. I’m lying on my belly, my head is turned to the right and my arms are up underneath my pillow. It takes me a second to recognize my surroundings and remember why I’m here.

I turn my head to the left and find Jackson propped up on his left elbow watching me. “Good morning, sweetheart,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.

“Good morning,” I say, somewhat sheepishly.

Jackson cocks his head sideways and asks, “Why so somber?”

I’ve just awakened and already my brain is cranking away on my failures. I smile and grimace slightly as I admit to him, “I suppose I’m slightly embarrassed.”

“About what?” he asks like he’s surprised.

“About my behavior last night,” I say simply as if that should clear up any possible confusion.

Jackson smiles and winks at me. “I thought your behavior last night was spectacular. There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about,” he assures me.

“I don’t mean the sex stuff, Jackson. I mean the pre-sex stuff.”

Jackson doesn’t understand. I see confusion careening around in his gaze. “What pre-sex stuff?”

I’ve never been one for tact, so I just blurt it out. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the wedding night you wanted,” I offer earnestly.

“Who says I didn’t?” Jackson shrugs his large right shoulder like he’s been issued a challenge. “I married you, Ellie. Last night I claimed your body and repeatedly made you mine. Seriously, I fail to see the down side.” He speaks with such sincerity and acts as if the matter is completely settled.

Not me. I won’t let it go. “That may be true, but you can’t honestly tell me that it was your wedding night wish to have to convince your new bride to have sex with you,” I state bluntly.

“I can honestly say it never occurred to me that it might be necessary, but I can also say it was certainly worth it. Wouldn’t you agree?” Jackson smiles one of his best smiles down at me as he strokes the side of my face.

I blush and bury my face in my pillow. Silently, I nod my head indicating I completely agree.

Jackson chuckles at me “So, you see, no apology is necessary.”

I return my gaze to meet his. “Can I make it up to you anyway?”

“What have you got in mind?” he asks as a twinkle lights up his eyes.

The bulk of my left breast is peeking out from under my body. Jackson brings his finger forward and glides it ever so slightly up and down the side of my exposed bosom.

I tremble and blush again. “Well, I was thinking that we could ignore the fact that its morning and we could pretend this is our wedding night. Now, that I’ve got my insecurities out of the way, and since I’m no longer intimidated by your size and worried that we won’t fit…,”

Jackson chuckles and smiles at me big time.

“Maybe you can have the wedding night that you didn’t get last night. Maybe, I can just enjoy you this time.”

“Oh,” Jackson replies like the testosterone filled man he is, “so, all that happened last night was you not enjoying me? Do I understand you correctly?”

“No,” I begin, “of course not…”

Jackson puts his chuckle aside and laughs in earnest at me. “Ellie, you are so easy to fluster. You’re so much fun to talk to.” Jackson wants to joke and make light of my feelings, but I’m trying to say something important here, so I continue with a slight edge to my voice.
“I’m really sorry I messed up your night, Jackson. I didn’t mean to be such a wuss. If you don’t want a do over that’s fine.” I feel slightly rejected. I won’t force myself on him.

Jackson takes hold of my waist and pulls me into him. “You, my dear, are no wuss. You are a lady. I love, love, love that about you. Don’t you ever apologize for it. Hear me?”

I nod at him, promising my best.

“Now, about this do over you mentioned,” Jackson tests the waters. “Are you giving me carte blanche?”

Still silent, I nod my head a second time. Jackson pulls my chin up so he can read my gaze. I look him in the eye.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” he asks. He seems genuinely surprised. I can’t imagine why. When I do something, I want to do my best. When I fall short of my best, I’m not too big headed to admit it.

“Yes, I am,” I say matter-of-factly.

Jackson goes from zero to one hundred in three seconds flat. He turns me over and kisses me so quickly he steals my breath. His kisses are hungry and urgent and ardent. His right hand captures my breast and begins massaging it, but only for a moment. His intended target is my nipple.

Jackson’s urgent appetite threatens to consume me physically, as well as, emotionally. His lips devour me. They’re everywhere, my lips, my cheeks, my eyes, my neck and now my breasts. As his mouth latches onto my nipple, his hand widens my legs and his fingers forge deep within me. Last night was about tenderness, longing, and each other.

This morning is about satisfying a primal need. He loves me. I don’t doubt this, but, now, he wants me the way horses come together in nature.

Suddenly, Jackson picks me up from the bed and pins me to a spacious bare spot on the bedroom wall. While his lips consume mine his hand massages and kneads my breast until he pauses and penetrates me with his fingers.

“You’re ready for me, Ellie,” Jackson states. Understanding settles over me. That’s why he fingers me. He wants to be sure I’ll be comfortable as he penetrates me. How incredibly thoughtful of him.

“Yes, Jackson,” I reassure him. “I’m all yours.”

Jackson holds me up against the wall by way of his torso pressed into mine. He aligns our bodies and drives into me. I open my mouth in a silent groan, unable to breathe for an instant. Jackson wastes no time. His thrusts come hard and fast. Far too soon, he drives into me bearing down on my hips with his hands. He wants to be seated within me as deeply as possible. The hilt of his penis assaults my pelvic bone as he moans and grunts into my right ear. I hear every nuance of his pleasure as his body releases its pent-up tension.

Immediately following his orgasm, I reach forward and tease his nipples with my fingertips. He holds me midair, tight against the wall as his body twitches against the stimulus. In no time I feel his erection growing within me. It’s a very satisfying sensation, knowing I can pull an arousal from him immediately after he’s climaxed.

Jackson begins to pump. It’ll take him longer this time to reach his climax, so I do my best to focus on the fullness his shaft offers my core. Size, heat and friction saturate every pore of my center. How can anything feel this good? Only a God who loves his creation would do something so splendid for them.

I time my Kegel squeezes to match Jackson’s thrusts. My climax sneaks up on me, because I haven’t turned my brain off, but I catch up to it just as it releases within me.

Jackson is about three drives behind me, but his come explodes into me before mine subsides. We exult together in the pleasure we find within each other’s bodies, reveling in the blessing that God’s provided for us. We’re both breathless and spent.

Jackson peels me from the wall and crushes me to his chest. “Oh my God, Ellie! I wish I could make you understand what you mean to me.”

“I’m pretty sure I get it, sweetheart,” I remind him.

He pauses and pulls away from my face so he can look me in the eye. “Do you, Ellie? Do you really understand what you mean to me?”

“I know what you mean to me. It’s the same thing, in reverse, right?” I offer logically.

He kisses me deeply. “Yes, yes of course it is,” he assures me.

Jackson lays me on the bed and turns me onto my belly. I start to roll over so I can enjoy looking at him for a moment.

Jackson interrupts and says to me, “No, Ellie, I want you on your front.” I do as he wishes and roll back over onto my belly while wondering what he has next for me. He fingers me and finds my response intriguing. His fingers work my sexual center until the discomfort passes and tension begins to build. He gently comes forward to my clit and very quickly he has me screaming into my pillow. I never knew I was a screamer. How could I not know that? It’s as if every passing moment spent with Jackson teaches me more and more about myself.

My body bucks and convulses until Jackson reads me and knows I’m finished for the time being. He picks me up and holds me against his chest. My two new favorite things: climaxing to his touch and being held in his huge, strong arms. The first makes me feel incredibly loved. The second makes me feel incredibly safe. Together they make me feel incredibly cared for. Life doesn’t get any better than this.

Jackson sits me aside on the mattress and positions himself on the edge of the bed so that his heels rest against the bed frame and his body lies perpendicular to the edge of the bed.

Next, Jackson reaches for me and sits me astride his aroused shaft facing the same direction as himself. Jackson’s virility is astounding. That he can be ready for another climax this quickly is mind blowing. But I’m sitting here with my femininity wrapped around him and I can tell you he’s more than ready. His arousal fills me with such heat and life I can hardly wait for him to start moving beneath me, inside me. I’m giddy with anticipation.

“I think you’re going to like this, Ellie,” he baits me.

“Am I going to like it because I’ve hated the rest of it so much?” I ask with my best teasing voice.

Jackson nods his head in agreement as he laughs at me. “You bet!” he says happily.

Jackson braces himself on his elbows and uses his legs to lift his pelvis up into me. By the third thrust I’m noticing something I’ve never felt before. The last tiny increment of his thrusts allows his shaft to hit a spot deep, deep within me. It seems centered in my abdomen and has to be located in the front part of my body or Jackson wouldn’t be hitting it in this position.

Initially, I brace myself against his iron thighs so I can keep my balance, but it occurs to me if I sit completely erect and take the pressure off my arms, I will give myself the privilege of hitting that spot just a little bit harder.

I act on my instinctual thought. Eureka! Goose flesh covers my body, a sheen of sweat erupts and Jackson just keeps nailing that mystery spot. The muscles in my legs and back contract so tightly I begin to fear a cramp might develop. Jackson picks up his speed and ferocity. My spot corroborates with everything it possesses. I scream as my body ejects all of its tension with slingshot precision.

Jackson’s come is right behind mine, so my spot gets a little extra attention from his final drive. My spot loves Jackson. Jackson is its favorite. Soon Jackson’s body quiets enough that he can sit up and take me in his arms. When he lays me back on the bed, he discovers I’m crying.

“Ellie, honey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you somehow?” Concern drips from his tone.

I shake my head. “No, you didn’t hurt me,” I manage to sob as I roll over and bury my face in his chest.

“Well, why the tears, then? I don’t understand.” Now confusion saturates his tone.

“I’m crying because I’m so happy, Jackson. I’ve never felt more like a woman in my entire life. Thank you for loving me.”

“Ellie, honey,” Jackson reassures me as he holds me even more tightly, “you are so damned easy to love.”

For the next little while we lie next to each other. Jackson rubs my back and tells me over and over how much he loves me. He talks to me about Paris and how he’s excited about viewing it as a tourist as opposed to a businessman with an itinerary to keep.

When we rise, I get in the shower and spend another hour refreshing myself, becoming beautiful. It takes Jackson all of fifteen minutes. It’s so not fair.

When we’re ready to leave for the airport I comment to Jackson that we’re two hours ahead of schedule.

“It’s okay, Ellie, it’s our plane. It leaves when we say.” I smile at him as the truthfulness of his words settle over my brain. That’s a fun discovery. I’ve never had my own plane before. Within forty-five minutes, we’re boarded, and our luggage is checked into the hold below. Jackson introduces me to the flight crew and in no time we’re airborne.

We spend the next two weeks in Paris. While it’s interesting to see the places I’ve always heard of and it’s fun to shop for new clothes, especially since the girly side of me has been so dramatically illuminated as of late, the best part of the entire trip is Jackson himself.

Jackson takes my breath away. I marvel at his mind, his body, his stamina and his passion for me. He just can’t seem to get enough of me. That only makes me want him more. I wish I understood what there is about me he finds me so interesting.

I wish I could get outside of my own head and simply accept our new life and believe that Jackson loves and accepts me. I can’t put my finger on why, but I’m so afraid our life together will end. I understand the history with my own family is the reason this fear festers on the back burner of my brain but knowing that doesn’t negate the fear itself. It’s the scariest aspect of my future. I’m terrified Jackson will decide he’s made a mistake, or he’ll get bored with me.

Intellectually, I know it’s unreasonable that this fear has lodged itself in my heart. Jackson is no kid. He’s grown, smart and savvy about many things. He’s certainly pulled together enough to know what he wants. The truth is; for whatever reason or reasons Jackson wants me.

So, I’m going to be proactive on my own behalf and quit letting my head get the best of me. If I don’t, I’m going to make myself crazy. Finally, I decide to simply accept that Jackson loves me. He’s not only told me but has supported his words with actions enough to snatch me from my own fears and sate me into repeated euphoria. A woman doesn’t have such numerous orgasms of such quality unless she’s being tended to by a man who truly cares about her. It takes a lot of selflessness on the part of a man to make a woman feel this good.

In turn, I’m so incredibly happy that we’re together, that we have each other. I’m so excited about the events and memories of our future: the ideas we have, the plans to implement change in our lives, our city and our world.

So, for the moment, I convince myself to enjoy this time in my life. I have to assume that, like we promised one another, we’ll be together forever. If togetherness ever fails me, I’ll deal with it when it happens. For now, I refuse to let it rob me of my joy.

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