I stood at the end of the bed, my eyes staring in horror at the sight of what was apparently my big brother. His face was swollen and bruised, and all I could see was tubes. They were everywhere.
The machine beside him beeped rhythmically, letting me know he was still alive.
'Nickolas.' I breathed, waiting for his cheeky grin or his eye roll as he ruffled my hair.
Beside me, Theo held both of my hands, which were shaking.
'Why so many tubes?' I whispered, as Theo sighed.
'The main tube in his mouth is a ventilator I think. It helps him breathe.' I felt a sob in my throat as he continued. 'He's on fluids, hence the cannula- I think they take bloods from there too.'
My eyes moved up to his head, and fear gripped my heart. Something protruded from his skull, and it made me sway unsteadily. Theo grabbed me, leading me to a seat beside the bed.
'I'm going to get you some water. I'll be right back.'
He left the room as I allowed myself to peek at my brother again.
'What happened to you?' I moaned as the tears came, clouding my vision. I wanted to touch him, but I was afraid to. Everything was bruised or bloody. My sweet, adorable brother.
A nurse walked in as she sent me a sympathetic look. She leaned over my brother, as she softly held his hand.
'Nickolas, I'm going to take some blood. You will feel a sharp scratch in your right arm ok?' She tapped his arm as she spoke, waiting before she began unpacking the instruments she needed.
'Can he hear you?' I choked out, as she lifted her eyes to mine. She inserted a tube onto the cannula as she watched it carefully.
'Usually not. They say even if the ears work, it doesn't mean the sound is working. I still speak to them, regardless.'
I nodded, feeling happy that Nickolas had such a caring nurse looking after him.
'What's in his head?' I whispered as she lifted her eyes to mine, glancing at his head.
'Its called intracranial pressure monitoring. After an accident like this, we can't be certain of the swelling of the brain. This allows us to measure it, and if needed, drain it.'
She made a note on a sticker which she then labelled the tube, before sliding it into a bag.
'Will he survive?' I asked bluntly, as she turned her gaze to my brother.
'He better do. I've told him he's taking me out for a drink after all this running around after him.' She smiled as she moved her eyes to mine. 'I'm not allowed to say as I'm not trained enough to know. But he seems like a fighter to me.'
The door opened and Theo walked back in, followed by Zane. Theo handed me the water as I gulped it gratefully, his hand rubbing my back as I drank. Zane had refused to leave Nickolas, but he had allowed me and Theo to be alone with him. My mother was sat outside, propped up by Ryan, unable to stand seeing her son again.
'Theodore. Can you take my sister home? Can you stay with her? I don't want her alone tonight, and I doubt my mom will be leaving any time soon.' Asked Zane softly, as he gazed at Theo.
'Of course.' He murmured as he looked down at me. 'Come on. You need to eat.'
'You're eating.' He said, cutting me off as Zane smiled weakly.
I crossed the room and buried my head in Zanes chest, feeling the tears well up again.
'Hey, not on the suit.' He laughed softly as he kissed the top of my head. 'Go home Han. If anything changes we will call you. Thanks.' He directed the last part to Theo who nodded dismissively.
He was the only guy my brothers would entertain as we grew up, after repeated warnings of cutting his balls off if he ever touched me, to him becoming an extra member of our family. If Theo wasn't at the table for dinner every night, it was noticed. Even I was surprised that he was allowed to stay in my room, despite Ryan insisting the door was always kept open. They knew we were best friends, and that we were inseparable. They also knew he was a player, and that I had been brought up wiser than to fall for that shit.
I moved towards Nickolas as I leaned down, kissing an available spot on his forehead.
'I love you Nick. Sleep well, but not for too long, ok?' I whispered as my tears fell. I moved away as Theos hand slid around my waist, the other pulling open the door. I can't remember the taxi ride home, or getting into bed. I just remember the tears, and the kisses that Theo placed on my head as he held me.
'If he dies-'
'He won't.' He said with confidence, and I looked up at him with curiosity.
'How do you know?'
'Because he's Nickolas Phillips.' He smiled lazily as he ran his finger under my chin. 'You're all stupidly strong.'
'I don't feel strong right now.' I said hoarsely as his eyes softened, his forehead against mine.
'I've got you.'
My lips found his then, and I felt him hesitate, but only briefly. The amount of times he had been in my room, here, in this bed, but never like this. My hands were buried in his hair as he trailed hot kisses down my throat. I grabbed his hand and pushed it between my legs, throwing my head back in ecstasy as he pulled my thong down my thighs, before plunging his finger deep inside of me. I pushed him over on the bed, tugging at his jeans as he held my hands suddenly.
'Wait. Not like this.' He said hoarsely, as I straddled him, my mouth on his as I tried to stop his words. I just wanted to block out the worry, the pain. But he wouldn't let me.
'Jesus, Theo. You beg me to fuck you for years then the one time I'm telling you to you are saying no?' I hissed as he held my wrists, his eyes burning into mine.
'Because this isn't you. As much as I want to smash you through the fucking wall I can't. You deserve better. You're hurting, and being fucked won't make it better.'
I trembled as he circled his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him.
'Why can't you just be a player, when I really need you to?' I said softly as fresh tears rolled out of my eyes.
'Because it's you.'