Chapter 9- Explanation
I stared at Jax, unable to move. He’d completely fled my mind last night while I was engaging in amazing sex with Spencer. Amazing sex I probably wouldn’t have had if Jax hadn’t been so nonchalant about our non existent relationship. I turned my body a bit to the side, desperately trying to hide the love mark on my neck.
“Hey Jax, What are you doing here? I thought you said you’d call.”
He glanced behind me into the house. “Is now a bad time?” Suddenly Rex came flying to the door barking.
“Cool it killer, he’s a friend.” I said calmly scooping him up in my arms. “He gets excited with visitors. Uh, come on in I guess.” I stepped to the side and Jax walked in. I closed the door and followed him toward the living room. “So what’s up Jax?” I asked nervously. This couldn’t be good, him showing up unannounced. Especially after we’d run into each other last night.
Jax looked around before calmly sitting on my couch. I sat down in a chair, my feet tucked under me and Rex wiggling in my arms. “I’m sorry about last night,” Jax said, his eyes piercing into mine. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I feel like I haven’t been honest with you and I just...” he ran his fingers through his hair. “God Sof I just really don’t know.” He let out a short humorless laugh.
“I guess seeing you there, with that guy, just made me jealous.” My eyes went wide. My stomach knotted up tightly as I had a vivid flashback to screaming out Spencer’s name as I orgasmed. My cheeks felt hot.
“I...I’m sorry....” I trailed off, unsure what else to say.
“Olivia told me you guys knew.” Jax leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I must seem like a real jackass for dating two women huh?”
I shook my head roughly. Rex whined and fought to get down. I placed him gently on the floor. “No, no I get it. You mentioned issues with your ex wife. I shouldn’t have tried to pry. I really enjoy spending time with you, even if it’s just casually dating.”
Jax studied me for a moment. Then his eyes narrowed. I felt my mouth go dry. He stood up and crossed over to me. I tipped my head back to look up at him. His hand carressed my cheek before sliding down to rest his pointer finger right over the dark hickey on my neck. I let out a whoosh of breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Shit I’d forgotten to keep it hidden from him.
“So are you casually dating Spencer as well?” He asked softly. I couldn’t look at him. I was too embarrassed. I shook my head.
“Spence and I are just friends.” He scoffed gently.
“Yeah friends always go around giving each other hickeys. Or are you seeing someone else too?” My eyes shot up to find his. His brows were furrowed and a deep frown etched across his face. “How many are there Sofia?”
I stood up calmly, using one hand to push Jax away from me. “First off, I don’t appreciate what you are insinuating. Who I see and what I do with them is my own personal business. You said it yourself, we are not exclusive and it seems like you don’t want to be. Second, if your going to treat me like I’m some kind of whore you can get out of my house.” I pointed toward the door. We stood there, staring each other down. Jax’s face softened.
“I’m sorry Sof. I didn’t mean it like that I just...I just really like you and imagining him touching you...” his voice trailed off. I felt tears prickling my eyes. My shoulders slumped and I looked at the floor. I had already felt awful and now I felt like I had been cheating even though he was seeing others. At least he wasn’t having sex with Olivia though. Why did I have to sleep with Spencer?!
“I’m sorry too. I knew you would be at the concert. Olivia had told me. I invited Spencer there to give you a taste of your own medicine. Then when you seemed so indifferent to what has been going on between us...” My emotions were all over the place. I felt so stupid. Warm tears began to trace a path down my cheeks. Deep sobs were building up in my chest and I wasn’t sure how long I could keep them away.
Warm arms enveloped me. I buried my face in Jax’s shirt. We stood there for a while, me silently crying into his shirt while he rubbed my back. When I pulled away he looked down at me and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “I know you feel it too.” He said gently. I nodded against him, using my finger to wipe away a stray tear.
Jax heaved a sigh. “You know I was married and it didn’t end well.” I nodded again, my eyes closed as I clung to him. “We’d been together for years. High school sweethearts and all that. We got married in our early 20’s. Everyone knew it was coming, we’d been inseparable for years.” His voice was starting to sound rough.
Without moving from his embrace I said, “You don’t have to talk about it Jax.” He laughed gently.
“I do though. I want you to know.” He paused and I nodded again, moving my arms to wrap around his waist and squeeze him in a small hug. He took a deep breath.
“I began asking her for children. She knew I wanted a big family and I was eager to get started. She kept telling me the time wasn’t right and that we still had things to do and get ready. I waited for a few more years, pushing this idea to the back of my head. I loved her and I wanted her to be as ready as I was. Then one day, she made my favorite dinner and wore my favorite dress. She gave me a small gift bag and when I opened it inside was a baby bib that said “Daddy’s Favorite.” I cried tears of happiness that night. I was finally going to be a dad like I’d always dreamed.” His voice broke out. I could hear the tears clogging his throat fighting to escape. I squeezed him a bit tighter.
He cleared his throat. “It was about a month later I decided to come home and surprise her. She was working and I wanted to run her a hot bath and prepare a meal I’d known she’d been craving. Her pregnancy hadn’t been easy so far and I wanted to show my support. When I got home her car was in the drive.” I felt my chest tighten, worry setting in. “So I went inside and called out for her. There was a loud sound coming from upstairs so I followed it quickly, worried she had been hurt. When I opened the door I found her fucking my best friend, the best man at our wedding.”
I gasped loudly and he pulled me even tighter to him. Now his voice sounded distant, cold. Like he was telling a story about someone else’s wife cheating. I glanced up at him and he was staring at the wall, lost in thought, his beautiful lips turned down. I longed to kiss him and take the pain away but I just watched him. Finally he looked back down at me sadly.
“The baby was never mine. She told me so once they’d dragged themselves out of my bed. She was leaving me to be with him. I lost my wife, my best friend, and my dreams of being a dad all that day.” His voice drifted off and I stood there staring at him, feeling tears pooling in my eyes. “I was humiliated. I couldn’t face my family and friends. They knew we were having a baby. How could I tell them she’d been playing me. I can’t do it again.” Finally he looked down at me. “I can’t trust a women to not break my heart the same way she did. So I date around, I have fun, but I don’t place my hopes and dreams on anyone anymore.”
It all made sense now. Why he wanted to date both me and Olivia. Why he didn’t seem to want to commit. He had done it and been burned. I reached up and rubbed his cheek gently. “Not every women is like that Jax. There is someone out there who will love you and treat you well and share all those dreams you have. I know it seems impossible now but it’s true.”
“Are you offering yourself for the position?” He asked grinning. I smiled back at him.
“I don’t know Jax, I think I’d need to actually date you for a while before I could be sure.” My face turned serious. “But I think your the type of guy I could love, if you’d let me.” Jax stilled for a moment before stroking my cheek. He bent down to capture my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Our bodies seemed to fit together perfectly as we stood in the living room kissing. What started out as gently quickly turned heated. Jax’s hands pulled my hips tighter to his and I felt his erection growing between us. My hands wandered down his chest until I found the hem of his shirt. I gently ran my hands along his abs. He released a soft growl into my mouth.
His hands cupped my rear and he pulled me up. I squealed and wrapped my arms and legs around him. Jax took a few steps to the wall, pinning me between it and his hard body. My panties damped as his cock rubbed through my pants right against where I ached to feel him. I let out a frustrated groan. Our mouths continued to explore each other. We were rough with each other, our teeth bumping as we tried to devour one another.
There was a sharp knock at the door. My head snapped away from Jax quickly, both of us breathing heavily. He smiled at me gently, his eyes hooded. He leaned forward and captured my bottom lip between his teeth. My eyes fluttered closed. With soft nips he let go of my lip and squeezed me hard against the pulsing hardness in his pants. “Do you have to get it?” He asked gruffly.
I sighed, “I really should.” Slowly, he lowered me to the ground. He still held me tight against him so I felt him the whole slow way down to my feet. He kissed me one more time softly on the lips before pulling away.
With a shy smile I slipped from between him and the wall, my face flushed with desire. I walked toward the door where Rex was waiting, his tail wagging. Grabbing the handle I swung it open. Standing there looking sheepish was Spencer.
“Hey Sof, can I come in?” My eyes went wide and unsure what to do I slammed the door in his face.