Chapter 19- A Decision
The rest of the week was relatively uneventful. However, I felt watched. My parents didn’t mention the move again but it was in their actions. Every time my mom cooked me food or invited me to do something with her or the others in our family. Even my siblings were dropping hints. I was happy to escape the house my last day in California with Eduardo.
“Did you know they were going to ask me to come home?” I asked before stuffing my face with taco. We were sitting at a park table enjoying the beautiful day and delicious food. When I was younger we would come to this taco truck once a week. Even though Ed was 5 years older than me we’d always connected the best.
“They may have mentioned the idea,” he took a sip of his drink, “Can’t say I hated the thought.”
I smiled at him. “Missed you too big bro.” We both took big bites of our tacos. We ate in companionable silence for a while.
“So are you going to do it? Move back home?”
I sighed as I wiped my face with my napkin. “It’s tempting. I really am missing out on a lot here. But I’ve got a good thing going back home...” I trailed off, grabbing my drink.
Ed’s eyes narrowed. “Is this about that guy? The one your dating?”
“No Ed! I mean...he is great. We’ve only been seeing each other for over a month now though and I don’t want to base such a huge decision on him.”
“But you like him?”
I nodded gently, not looking at him. “Yeah, I like him a lot.”
Ed sighed. “You know there are awesome guys here too. And who says you can’t give long distance a try? Or maybe he’d come with you.” I shook my head roughly.
“Dude, barely over a month. He’s not going to move with me. And long distance...I don’t know, I never thought that worked well. I want a love like mom and dads though you know?”
We smiled at each other. Our parents had loved each other their whole lives. They were raised together in a small Hispanic community. They worked with their parents on a vineyard, sneaking grapes and running off on their own mini picnics. All my life I’d heard the stories. They had just known. All my brothers had known with their spouses too. And here I was, nowhere near ready to say I love you.
Ed got up and threw his cup and trash away. I followed after him. I slipped my hands into my pockets as we began meandering through the park. Walking was always the best after tacos. Sometimes we’d go back for seconds afterwards.
“What do you want for your life Sofia?”
“I’m getting so sick of people asking me that! I’m only 26! Why does the world expect me to have life figured out already?”
“We don’t say you have to have it all together now. But in general, where would you like to see yourself? You can’t wander through life aimlessly Sof.”
“You know what I want Ed. I want to bake. I want to bring smiles to peoples faces as they enjoy the things I’ve created. I want to bring people together at the table again. Is that good enough for you?” My voice escalated with each sentence until I was practically yelling. My brother stood there calmly, his face impassive as he watched me. I was breathing like I’d run a marathon.
Finally breaking the silence he said, “It doesn’t matter what I want Sof. My life and yours are different. If that’s what will make you happy then I want that for you.”
I felt warm tears running down my cheeks. With a small laugh I wiped them with the back of my hand. “Mom and dad don’t see it that way. They were always dissapointed I dropped out of college. They wanted me to be a lawyer or an accountant. Something “useful”” I threw air quotes up around that word.
Ed reached out and patted my shoulder. “You are useful Sof. Your baking is important, just like you said. They may not have been supportive in the past but they miss you sis. They’ve always tried to do what they think is best but since you left I think they realized you needed to make your own way.”
Reaching out I pulled my brother to me in a quick hug. Ed wasn’t one for physical displays of emotion but I needed his strength. He held me gently for a few moments before pulling away. “I’ll think about it Ed. I really will. I ran away in search of myself and might have left myself here in the process.” I laughed wryly.
We continued the rest of our walk in silence. Both of us lost in our own thoughts. When we reached the car we decided to head home. I was leaving in the morning and knew I needed to give mom and dad an answer. I was still so undecided though. A major part of me knew I was holding out on a decision because of Jax. I’d never had a connection with anyone like I did with him. But did that mean I should throw away this chance to chase my dream and be with my family? Was there really only one person you could have that connection with?
After waving bye to Ed I turned and went into the house. “Mama, papa, where are you?” I called out. I hadn’t used those names with them since I was a teen. I walked into the living room seeing them both sitting there. Mom was reading a new cookbook and dad was channel surfing. They both turned to me.
“How was dinner baby?” My mom asked with a smile.
I looked at the two of them, both giving me their full attention. I glanced at the mantel full of pictures of the Munoz clan. With a deep breath I said, “I’m moving home.”
Me: Hey I’m home if you want to come over.
Jax: Be there soon.
I’d already picked up Rex from where he was boarded at the vets office. After texting Jax I jumped in the shower. The warm water cascaded over me as I thought about what to tell him. When the water was basically cold I stepped out and dried off. Quickly I slipped into some leggings and a t-shirt, pulling my hair up into a ponytail. After letting Rex out for a quick potty break we both plopped down on the couch.
My teeth worried my lip as I waited. My mind turned over everything I needed to say. When the doorbell rang I jumped. Rex took off with a bark. I followed him and opened the door.
Jax stood there with an easy grin. His hair had a light dusting of snow on it and his cheeks were pink. “It’s freaking snowing already!” He said loudly. I moved to the side so he could come in, stomping off his boots on the rug before shrugging out of them and his coat.
Once he was free of those he gently grabbed my waist and pulled me to him, his lips desecending on mine for a soft kiss. We stood there for a moment kissing each other. My hands slid up his biceps gently. His teeth captured my bottom lip, softly nipping at them. My mind seemed to stop when he was kissing me like this. Eventually he pulled away, resting his forehead on mine.
“I’m glad your back. I missed you.”
I laughed gently, “More like you missed my cooking.”
“That too,” he chuckled. I placed my hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes. They were dark but so open and easy. I sighed lightly, trying to pluck up the courage to tell him what I needed to.
He stepped towards me forcing me to step back. His eyes danced with playfulness as my back hit the wall. With a smirk he dipped down and captured my lips again. I felt myself go limp against him as he used his body to keep me pressed against the wall.
“I missed more than your food,” he whispered against my neck as he trailed kisses down it.
“So just sex then?” I asked, feeling my stomach drop at the thought. Was it all about the sex? It wasn’t for me. I’d been fine with the wonderful dates he’d taken me on.
He chuckled again, his chest vibrating against mine. “I missed the sound you make when I kiss you here.” He found the sweet spot on my neck that caused me to whimper softly. “I missed the feel of you.” One of his hands ran down my side stopping at my hip. His fingers pushed up under my shirt. My body shook from his touch. Even though it was just his fingertips resting on my bare skin. “I missed how your hair always smells like coconut.” His nose nuzzled the side of my head above my ear.
I sighed happily. “Glad to know there is more you missed.”
Both his hands grabbed the top of my shirt and pulled it over my head. He sucked in a breath as he stared at me, braless. His hands trailed up my body until they cupped me and I arched into his hands with a gasp. My eyes closed as he captured my lips with his and kissed me, soft at first as it slowly grew rougher. He pulled himself away and began working on my leggings.
I ran my hands through his hair. “Jax we really need to talk.”
“Mmhmm,” he said, running his tongue up the inside of my thigh. My knees buckled as it ran along my slit. My hands pulled his hair gently.
“No Jax, I need to...oh,” my voice faltered as his tongue pushed into me. My mind short circuited as his tongue swirled around my clit in perfect circles. I felt one finger push into me and I groaned lightly. His tongue continued its torturous circles, stopping to flick against my sensitive nub every now and then.
Soon I felt my muscles tightening as Jax’s finger pushed in and out of me. His tongue never stopping it’s perfect ministrations. “God Jax,” I moaned as I felt myself gush over him. He held my hip with his other hand as I shook through my orgasm.
He stood slowly, trailing more kisses up my belly and across my breast. His pants fell to his ankles and his hands cupped my butt. My legs instinctively wrapped around him as he held me against him and the wall still. With a smile he shifted his hips forward impaling me on his length. We groaned in unison.
My arms locked tightly around his neck as he pushed in and out of me with no particular rhythm. He’d stop to swivel his hips every now and again sending me higher up. His muscles flexed as he held me tightly to him. Our eyes were locked on each other as we both reached our peaks. His were hazy and full of lust as he pushed inside me one last time, groaning through his release. It sparked my own and I closed my eyes as the knot that had formed in my belly burst.
We stayed there, against the wall, both panting gently. His head nuzzled down in the crook of my neck. He pulled away slowly and he lowered me to the ground. I walked calmly over to the first floor powder room to clean myself off. My breathing was still ragged as I tried to hold in tears. I needed to tell him what I’d decided. It wasn’t fair to keep this secret from him. I just worried it would hurt my heart to do it.
When I came out he was dressed in just his pants and had sat down at the island. I slipped into my clothes again before grabbing two bottles of water out of the fridge. I slid one to him then opened my own and took a sip.
“That was great,” I said with a smile.
Jax grinned back at me as he drank his water. “How was California?”
I gulped past the lump in my throat. “It was great actually. I...I didn’t realize how much I missed my family.”
“Bet your glad to get back away from those 5 older brothers though huh?” He laughed and took another swig of water.
I sighed knowing there would never be a perfect time. “Jax, look. I didn’t realize how much I missed home. My family is growing and changing and I’m here... missing all of it.” I saw his eyes widen as he watched me. I stood there, fear filling me up as I looked at this man that I knew I was falling for. “What I’m trying to say is,” I took a deep breath, “I’m moving Jax.”