"Fuck." I banged my head several times on my locker that day. Periodically. Each time I went back to it between class...
I didn't know what to do the internal struggle was real. Then to top it off the two classes with Xane I expected him to meet my gaze and give me that crooked smile from this morning. Yet he completely ignored me!
I decided I wasn't going to do it. There was no way-
I heard his voice; I whipped around. Our eyes met as his friend Pat talked to him.
Que small crooked smile greater than Adonis.
I was going to do as he asked.
I had to.
That next morning he was waiting a bit less worse for the wear. I hoped out of my car with nervous smiles. He took it and scarfed it again with me not saying a word. With a smile he licked his thumb. "Bacon would be cool."
I- nodded unsure of what to say only agree.
"Cool that'll be great tomorrow." His silver eyes pierced into my blue ones, his inky black razored hair falling slightly into his eyes like a night sky or a ravens wings. Damn...
And that's how it started. Eventually somehow I became his lacky friend. I brought him books, got him lunch, passed notes for him, helped out in the news room with him- but hanging out was more like i was talked at; not to. At his convince not mine.
I felt guilty and pushed into it; but i also liked doing it because I always got some sort of aknowlagement he was approving of my behavior.
I was hooked.
I didn't see the behavior or pattern as a destructive thing to myself until college, I was convinced we where friends since that's how he introduced me to his girlfriends over the years. We went to the same state university. I paid for our housing in a small two bedroom. We had oppisate schedules. Except for when he woke me up to help him cram.
Now mind you- because of this obession that I didn't realize; I had never once had a boyfriend let alone anyone interested in me. We had came during summer term which was very slow.
Now it was winter.
The tree leaves where gone and the air was bitter cold; I was thankful to be indoors even if it was just a few hours to study. I was staring out the window wondering if it was going to snow. The fantasyland about Xane realizing I was the one had quickly faded durring summer term. One woman after another brought over. Me still doing everything for him. I had no more tears it was routine.
"Are you studying in Sociology 402?" Came a voice beside me. My eyes flicked to my right. An attractive boy with brown hair and eyes looked back at me. The only off putting thing was his freckles and he seemed slightly to thin for my taste.
"Yeah it's my 10:30 class, tuesday and wednesday."
"Ah its my 3:50 class wednesday thursday. No wonder ive never seen you in it."
I laughed "The class only started two days ago."
"Yeah but you remember a pretty girl when you meet them." I flushed pink, emberessed. "Do you mind if we study togeather?" I nodded. "I'm Josh."
"Pa-atricia." I said. "Er Trisha for short. I mean Trish." I went red cheeks matching my hair color.
He chuckled. "Sorry I guess I thew you with the pretty comment. Im not trying to be weird."
"No. No! I wasn't caught of guard I just didn't realize... I mean I've never had anyone call me pretty."
I nodded playing with my hair. He smiled. I smiled back. We started studying togeather. Occasionally his foot hit mine, his hand would brush mine and we kept looking at each other making eye contact.
I was smitten. Xane forgotten. We stayed late- normally I was home cooking dinner at two thirtyish so Xane could eat before heading to class at 4. I had planned my classes around it. Instead it was 3:05 and Josh was walking me home.
We had already exchanged numbers. He smiled awkwardly walking me to my doorstep before he brushed a lock of hair behind my ear hesitating. Then he brought his lips on mine. My third ever kiss.
It was warm and sweet and ended quickly. "See you tomorrow." He called as I waved goodbye opening the door.
My face was lit with joy as i took off my coat and scarf- hanging it all as well as my book bag. When i turned to head up stairs i froze.
Xane was in the doorway to the kitchen- i hadn't noticed him. He wasn't happy.
"Where the fuck is the breakfast?"
"In the fridge...? I said confused before it dawned on me. Breakfast. Fuck.
Xane came closer to me backing me up ageinst the wall next to the stairs my heart pounding as i stared up at him. "Did he kiss you?"
I blinked up at him confused. "W-who-?"
"The guy, out there, that you'd rather be with then make breakfast. Did you kiss him?"
"He kissed me." I said blinking up at him confused. I knew he was extra grumpy with most of his partying he did at night waking up to eat in the afternoons but he never had been this grouchy. "Look I'm sorry I lost track of time I'll make you-"
His mouth was hot and hungry on mine. His throbbing member pulsing as he pinned me to the wall. I didn't kniw what to do. I was shell shocked as his tongue tangled with mine his hand fisting in my hair.
This was scorching; an inferno. Josh was like melted chocolate being compared to an inferno making my body clench and twinge in a way i didn't recognize. As his hands roamed down my sides I let out a small moan into his mouth.
He pulled away abruptly. Both of us panting. Both of us flushed. After a few moments of looking at me he scowled. "I have to get to class. Next time that asshole tries to keep you; make sure you tell him you need to make me breakfast. Understood?"
I nodded my eyes wide unsure of what to do before he was out the door slamming it behind him.