I know I fucked up it seems to be my mission to be a complete cock when I think I have my shit sorted. Vanessa took some leave off work and well since I’m no longer her neighbour we haven’t actually crossed paths, I tried to call over but Victoria made sure I got nowhere near her, her exact words to me “you’re like a fucking cat and you are quickly losing your nine lives”. She won’t answer my texts, emails or calls she actually has gone as far as to either block my number or get a new number. I feel like shit without her why would I even think as little as to consider she would do anything like that. Safe to say I have lost the one girl I have ever truly loved, I am giving her space in a hope that she will hear me out yet again. I’m standing in the lobby when I see her with a guy. He is walking her to the front door. He leans in towards her they hug, he then grabs her hand and holds it. I just see red I can’t take this anymore we haven't exactly broken up so why is she all over him
“What the fuck?” I just punch the guy in the face, he wrestles with me on the ground getting a fair few punches in himself. “LOGAN... CHRISTIAN STOP!!” Christian has my collar and brings me to his face. “You don’t fucking deserve her!” I spit back. “What the fuck do you know.” We are still scrapping and a crowd has gathered around us. I stop when I hear a voice bellow. “ENOUGH! Logan and Miss Hartman my office, RIGHT NOW.” I pick myself up off the ground, I storm into the building I turn around and see Vanessa crying, people whispering around us, I wipe my lip and there is blood down my shirt. I get into my dad's office nearly taking it off the hinges!!! “SIT DOWN!” my dad scolds me. Vanessa sits in the chair not making eye contact. “Someone had better explain to me what that was about”
We both sit in silence and then I hear her soft voice. “My friend Christian had to give me a lift into work my car broke down. He walked me to the door, as he was going to the coffee shop across the street, Logan hit him!”
My dad glares at me. “Is that true?” I just nod my head. “He was too close to you, we haven’t broken up and you're with another guy!” Vanessa bows her head. “It’s not like that at all, I’m done, we are just friends!” My head snaps up to look at her. “What you mean done?” My dad stands. “I will give you a few minutes of privacy.”
Vanessa fiddles with her fingers. “This it’s over, it was a mistake to make this into something, you're twenty-three and you act it. I don’t need another man in my life constantly making me cry, so Logan you and I are over!” I plead with her. “Don’t do this please I love you.”
Vanessa finally looks me in the eyes. “I learned a long time ago that sometimes I love you isn’t enough it’s just words and your actions scream something entirely different.” She gets up to leave
“Goodbye Logan” the door clicks, I didn’t even realise that my dad had walked in. He places his hand on my shoulder as I hang my head. “I really fucked it up” I hear my dad's voice. “Not to sound like a prick for a dad but you acted twenty-three. You let your emotions get in the way and jumped to conclusions! I warned you, you weren’t ready for a relationship with her!”
I watch as my dad sits in front of me. “Logan we need to have a serious chat, you need to get away from here.” I nod my head. “Yeah think a break would do me a world of good” My dad shakes his head. “No Logan, you're not hearing me, I need you to go and run the New York office, it’s expanding and I need someone I can trust to handle it.”
I look at him puzzled. “For how long?” My dad sits up straight. “For as long as I need you there, minimum a year.”
I stand up leaning over the desk. “You're fucking sending me away? you are shitting me!”
“Son this is for the best you need a fresh start, a fresh perspective, Vanessa ending things is a perfect time.”
I sit back down letting out a breath. “But I have my apartment here, my friends are here, Vanessa is here.” My dad just looks at me trying to make me see sense. “You’re so young, so here is some valuable advice you will make new friends and there will be more Vanessa's"
I shout at him “No there won’t !” My dad shakes his head. “You say that now, I will handle your apartment while you're gone, we can rent it out if need be!” I can’t believe this is happening
“Can I think about it?” My dad raises his voice. “Logan one day you're going to be handed this business, I am giving you this don’t blow it, it’s not up for discussion and after today’s little performance you can’t be here anymore.”
“You’re serious?" My dad looks directly at me, this no longer a discussion. “You leave in two weeks. I will have a new apartment sorted for you and James the office manager will help you find your feet.” I am lost for words I get up and slam the door, part of me needs to see Vanessa but the other part sends me to my office licking my wounds, what have I done?
The next two weeks fly by, I had to pack up all my shit again, I avoided Vanessa I am sure she heard by now I was leaving but she made no attempt to contact me what so ever. She really was done with me! I’m at the bar looking around at all the faces, Dean decided to throw me a going-away shindig, my mum even came and all my friends are there. My mum walks over and pulls me in for one of her many hugs. “I’m really going to miss you, but listen to me, this will do you a world of good you will grow and learn from this experience. I’m truly sorry about you and Vanessa but your dad was right you weren’t ready!”
I look down at my beer. “I wish people would stop saying that to me.” My mum tugs me in closer. “One day you will see it for what it is,” Dean shouts. “Logan come on make a toast.” A toast is the last thing I want to make considering this was not my fucking call. “Thank you, everyone, for being here it means the world to say a proper goodbye, here is to new beginnings in NYC.” Everyone raises their glasses .... "to new beginnings."
Everyone is leaving now and I am outside getting in my taxi, I gave him an address when we reach the destination I sit and watch the house. I contemplate going and saying goodbye but I see her dancing around in the living room with Jasmine and I can’t bring myself to get out. “Sorry mate changed my mind can you take home.”
The next day I’m standing in the airport. Dean, my mum and dad all come to see me off. My mum pulls me in for a hug the tears slipping down her cheek. “Bye honey I will see you soon for a visit” My dad comes across shaking my hand. “Logan do me proud, I know the New York office is in safe hands now is your time to show me you got what it takes like your mum said we will be over for a visit and I will be working between the offices. Goodbye son”
Dean is the last one to see me off. “Can’t believe you're going man what I’m I going to do without my wingman?” I laugh. “Bullshit you never needed my help anyway... well see you soon if you ever fancy seeing the big apple come on over!!”
I turn around and make my way through security I get to the departure gate and wait. The announcement comes across the speaker.
Could all passengers travelling on flight E2134 to New York please go to gate 23.
I get my phone out and make one last call before my flight, I have to leave her a message. Hi, you have reached the extension of Vanessa Hartman please leave a message.
“Vanessa I am so sorry for everything I put you through I really am a dickhead. I wish things ended on a nicer note I hate that I haven’t seen you and now I’m leaving. If you ever feel like giving us a chance in the future, I would like that. I will always love you, bye.”
I make my way to the departure gate and get on my flight not looking back anymore. I had a fresh start coming my way whether I wanted it or not.
I can’t talk to him or see him, I don’t trust myself to make the right decision I love him but it’s not good enough. I have lost so many years to men who make me feel shit. This was the right call to make. My sister takes a sip of her coffee. “Are you sure you don’t want to go say goodbye he is having a going-away party today?” I stare at my sister. “How do you know all this? Victoria shrugs. “A little birdy told me!” I set my mug down. “Dean?”
Victoria nods and smiles. “Yes, Dean.” I bite my lip. “I can’t do it” I have never seen my sister this way before normally she is the one demanding I burn bridges to the fucking ground. “But he is leaving and Nessa he might not actually ever come back, I know what he did was wrong but what do you expect he is twenty-three, his girlfriend cheated on him, fucked his dad you know shit like that messes people up.”
I sigh. “Don’t! I get it but he is too young for me he proved that it was only supposed to be a one night stand, maybe in a few years if things are different.” The concern is all over my sister's face as she watches me closely. “If you say so?”
Monday morning I get to work I see my phone flashing I press play on my message... I hear his voice and panic to pause it, my hands start to shake. I leave it there as I try to distract myself by keeping busy. I have my head down when I hear my name being called I turn around and a guy is standing there with a bunch of flowers and a box. As I set the flowers and box on the desk, I reach to play the voicemail I hear his voice, I hear his words and I start to cry.
Then I listen to his last words. “I will always love you.” I open the box and see a heart necklace. I wish things had been different it just feels like it was all the wrong timing. I listen to the message again and press save. I quickly make my way to the bathroom in the need of a breather grabbing the box with me as I reopen the box and stare down tracing my fingers around the heart, I open the clasp and put the necklace on. I love Logan but it just wasn’t meant to be, not right now.
I go back to my desk I look at my mobile and I contemplate unblocking his number, my fingers hover over it but I remind myself that we both need a fresh start, if it was meant to be, fate would bring us back together again but for now, it was better this way.