Chapter 10 Hesitation
Chapter 10 Hesitation
IVY three days later
I stand infront of the mirror in the bathroom and remove my shirt so that I can look at my wound. I still have the abilities of a wolf, but my senses aren’t as strong and I can’t shift, not to mention I heal like I was human. But whatever it was that the witch put on my shoulder it seems to help. But I am still healing a lot slower than I should.
My thoughts wander back to the attack, what happened to that rogue? He bit me and died? I reach up and touch the mark, a flame mark. It actually looks like a flame now when I know that it is called a Flame mark. Is that the reason he died? That is just absurd, there must be a logical reason. He must have been sick. I mean a mark can’t kill anyone?
I have been trying to talk to my wolf, but she is gone. I blame Jason for it, I hate him! At least the human part of me does that, the other part... I hate the bond I share with him. Then I see him standing there looking at me, our eyes lock through the mirror.
“Are you here to be mean or just yell at me?”
I ask and he presses his lips to at thin line.
“I came to check on you. I heard that you aren’t fully healed yet”
He tells me an it sounds more like a question. He steps closer not stopping until he is standing about two feet away and I tense up. He studies my shoulder and then he looks at the Flame mark. I flinch when he touches it and I swallow hard.
“Does it hurt?”
He asks and pull his hand away from me
“Is it because of the mark that you are healing so slowly?”
He asks and look into my eyes through the mirror. I keep my eyes firmly fixed on his when I answer
“I don’t know, or maybe that Lycan had some kind of weird magic going on”
Since when did it become so easy to lie? He studies me like he knows that I wasn’t honest then he nods and place his hands on each one of my shoulders.
“Why are you here?”
I ask when he leans his head against the back of mine. He takes a deep breath before he says
“You were hurt under my watch, that means that I failed to protect you. I failed to do my duties as an Alpha. I just wanted to see that you were okay”
So he is here to ease his consciousness, does he want me to tell him to not feel guilty? I try to pull away from him, but instead he wraps his arms around my waist and press me to his chest. My breath hitches when he kisses my neck at the exact spot where he should have marked me.
I feel the bond between us stronger than I have ever done before. But he didn’t mark me instead he hurt me he hurt my wolf so much that she is hiding even from me. What if she doesn’t come back..
“If you out on some guilt trip, then get over it and keep your hands to yourself!”
I say and the ass smiles. I feel his fangs against my skin and then he nips at my marking spot. I close my eyes when he presses my body harder against his. When I feel that he is hard, sadness, anger and hope starts to fight for dominance inside me. But Ivy is hot headed and anger usually wins.
I step out from his hold on me and rush out from the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. I run downstairs and into the forest. I know that I shouldn’t, but I really don’t care. I need to get away from Jason, I can’t even stand his smell.
Everything about him just hurts, I hate the way he makes me feel! I hate that I want him even though he treats me like garbage. If I could I would unmate him, but he needs to be in on it too, or he could die.
I can’t do that unless he wants that too, the bond between us prevents me from wanting to hurt him like that. And I couldn’t do it too Lia, she would be devastated and then Nyx would be hurting. I can’t hurt them like that... I run faster, maybe you can outrun pain? If I never stop it might lose its hold on me?
When I have no more strength to run anymore, I sit down on the soft mossy ground. Apparently I can’t outrun my feelings, but the pain has turned into anger. Damn him! Damn wolf! Damn green eyes! I just want to shift and rage at anything in my way and tear it to pieces. I would prefer that it was Jason I was tearing into pieces. I huff and try to calm myself down without any luck.
My whole body stiffens when I feel the tingles and waves of goosebumps on my skin. My inside bubbles with happiness, but the other part is still very angry. I jump up and spin around glaring at Mr green eyes. He is standing there, leaning against a tree just like that first day I saw him outside my home. It is so unfair that someone can look like him. Focus Ivy!
“What are you staring at?”
I snarl and he has the audacity to smirk at me. He looks so amused that it’s ridiculous, does he think that I am a joke? Does he think that he can pop up and be all hot and make me swoon like a teenager then leave without an explanation over an over again? Of course he thinks he can do that, why else would he do it?
“How have you been?”
He asks and I almost self ignite. Is he for real? I walk up to him, but stay at a no touching safe distance.
“I have been absolutely fucking amazing, all sunshine and roses! Not a cloud in the sky. I mean it’s not like my parents sent me away because of you and I don’t have a mate that does everything he can to hurt me and it’s definitely not like you always leave me with a ton of questions and my head spinning from all the whys. Nope, that is definitely not it. I’m the happiest I have ever been, even better than happy. I am flying on clouds feeling so happy because my life is like a happy sunny fairytale. So thank you very much for asking, I really appreciate it. How have you been?”
“Ivy I understand that it’s hard for you..”
He starts and I grab his shirt so hard that the seams break. I look into the eyes that always hypnotize me and tears fill mine. He stroke my cheek and I walk into his embrace. He holds me tight to his chest when silent tears leave wet spots on his shirt.
He lower us to the ground and pulls me closer so that I am sitting in his lap. I feel his warmth wrap around me like a blanket protecting me from the cold. He takes my hand and I look at our joined hands. His skin is shimmering again and it looks like black marble, but still creamy white. How is that possible?
“She left me” I whisper and he squeezes me harder to him and kiss me on top of my head.
“No, she didn’t I can feel her even if you can’t. She just needs time, don’t be so hard on yourself or on her.”
I look up at him and he gives me a sad smile.
“Are you sure? Is she really there?”
“Yes little wolf she is. I can feel her just as strong as I can feel you. I can see her as clearly as I can see your beautiful face. I can see her beautiful shining pure white fur. Her beautiful eyes that are a proof of how unique and strong she is. We can’t always be the strongest one, it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to not be okay. I know you are hurting and believe me that if I could I would do something to change that.”
For a fraction of a second I hear her in my head, a small purr and I get the feeling that someone is stroking her fur. How can he do that? He leans closer and kiss my shoulder just above the wound and when I look down, it’s gone. Then my cheeks turn bright red. Holy smokes! I forgot to put a shirt on. I’m sitting in Mr too hot to look at in my black see through lace bra
He asks when I squirm in his lap and stutter something incoherent. I slowly move my arms to cover my breasts. He presses his lips against my temple and smile.
“Little wolf you are beautiful and I have seen you before in less than that”
“What? Are you some pervert that spy on me through my window?”
He starts laughing so much that he has tears in his eyes, but I just glare at him. This is not funny, not at all!
“No, I’m not spying on you even though it’s a tempting idea. But when we first met, you had just shifted into your human form. ”
My cheek turns even redder when I remember the night and that he didn't have a shirt on that time, I remember how his bare skin felt against my back.
“I... yes. Um, how much did you see?”
I look away feeling very self conscious. I never care about what people think about me being naked. I’m a god damn wolf, we are naked all the time and it is not like we look at each other like that.
“Unfortunately, just your backside, but I got a little more today. Best view I ever had.”
He tells me and gives me a wink.
“Ivy you are beautiful, don’t ever think anything else.”
I swallow hard and clear my throat before I say
“Thank you.... I.. you are... probably the most beautiful man I have ever seen”
He says with a teasing smile and I hide my face against his chest. I’m not a shy person, but for some reason I lose my bearings around him and go a little nuts in the head.
“I don’t want to feed your ego too much”
I tell him and he laughs again.
“So you think I have a big ego?”
I look up at him and shake my head
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just a saying, I think that you are amazing in every way”
Something flickers in his eyes and his hand finds its way up into my hair. He smiles and I wish that I could see that smile everyday for the rest of my life. I part my lips and see the indecision in his eyes.
But when I press my lips to his he immediately deepens the kiss, all his indecisions are thrown out the window. I close my eyes and just feel, I just feel him. Longing and need course through me, it’s not just my feelings it is also his.
My body and mind screams for him and I can’t help but wonder if this is love? Is this what I have been searching for? Is this what love really should feel like? I have heard my parents talk about their bonds and I wanted that, a mate that would treat me good, but Jason doesn’t do that. I feel like the most precious thing in the world when Mr Green holds me. But he isn’t my mate…
I let my left hand slowly wander up his right arm, all the way up to his shoulder, then down over his pecks. I feel all the hard muscles flex under my palm. I drag my fingers further down over his abs and in under his shirt.
I let out a moan when I feel his skin, it burns under my touch. His skin is smooth and I let my fingers trace the outlines of his abs and further up. He pulls me even closer and his right hand slips down from my waist to my upper thigh. He tightens his grip on me, digging his fingers into my soft flesh when I slightly pull away and gently suck on his bottom lip.
I feel dizzy and almost drunk when he slowly lifts me up so that I’m straddling him. He kisses the corner of my mouth, down to my jaw before he continues to my neck. I lean my head back with a firm hold on his shoulder when he sucks on the sensitive skin. Pleasure and excitement bubbles inside me.
It feels like it is threatening to burst at any second, it’s scary, but I have never felt safer. Once again, it feels like he is made of fire, burning hotter with every second. This man is going to make me melt. This man has to be what I have been looking for. It feels so right, perfect, just like in all the love stories I secretly read.
His hands slip further down, cupping my ass and I rub my sex against the hard bulge in his pants. He growls in my ear and I feel butterflies roam around inside me. I rub myself harder against him and kiss his neck, wishing that all our clothes were gone. I get the sudden urge to bite him, mark him to keep him as mine.
“Little Wolf behave or I might have to restrain you.”
He must have heard that thought and my cheeks turn pink. His words send shivers through me and I feel how more slickness flows out of me. God, I want him so much that it almost hurts.
He kisses his way down to my shoulder and kiss the mark he left on me. Pleasur like anything I have ever felt before flows through me and I lose my breath. If he can make me feel like this just by kissing my neck and shoulder, then I can’t even imagine how he would feel inside me.
His scent is intoxicating and alluring. This, he feels so unreal, it shouldn’t be possible for me to feel like this for him. It is like a fairytale.
“You are so perfect.”
He murmurs against my skin, then he catches my lips again. This kiss is more urgent and his grip on me more firm than before but not painful. I can feel that he wants me just as much as I want him. I feel so many emotions, his emotions and just like mine, they are lust hazed, almost blurry.
But he also feels hesitation and it’s growing stronger with every touch. Doesn’t he understand that I want this as much as he does? Or is this hesitation coming from something else?
“I want you!”
I tell him and it sounds like a plead. He pulls away and I whimper almost in pain from the loss of his lips against mine. He has a sad look in his green sparkling eyes and he pinches them shut.
“What’s wrong?” I carefully ask him and he look at me again
“Ivy… we can’t do this.”
Rejection, even stronger than Jasons burns its way through me and I try to pull away, but he quickly pulls me back to him.
“Ivy no, don’t do that! I want it, believe me, I never wanted anything so much before but not like this. It wouldn’t be fair to you. You don’t know me and I want you to know me first. If we do this now and you find out who I am and you regret it…If you hate me… I couldn’t live with that.”
“Tell me, tell me who you are.”
I say and he shakes his head.
“You can’t or you won’t?”
He tells me with a sad look and a feeling of pain finds its way into my mind, his pain. I place a hand on his cheek and stroke his stubbled jaw with my thumb.
“I couldn’t hate you”
“Don’t say that, you don’t know me. Little wolf I am not who you think I am.”
If I said that his words didn’t make me worried it would be a lie, but he feels so good and right that there couldn’t possibly be anything I could hate about him. He stands up still holding me and I raise my eyebrows, damn he is strong.
Another urge to feel all of him hits me like a train. I kiss him again and I feel his resistance grow weaker. I tear his shirt open and kiss his neck while my hands wander down between us. I feel his teeth grace the skin on my neck at the same time my hand reaches his pants.
I pause and wait, I don’t know what happens if he bites me on my marking spot but I want it so bad. His body is so taut that I know that he is trying to restrain himself
I don’t know why he is screaming my name but I don’t care, I start to open his pants
“I want you, I need you!” I say and he pulls away and place me on my feet
I blink confused, he isn’t the one screaming my name. I look up at him and he smiles when my cheeks turn bright red. I never thought the day would come when Alpha Ivy Winters would beg a man to fuck her. I hear ruffles in the bushes and I know that he is going to leave again. I hug him hard in a desperate attempt to keep him here. He strokes my back and kiss the top of my head when I hear Gus.
“Ivy what the fuck…”
He trails off and I turn to look at him. He stares at us like he can’t believe what he is seeing. I groan, not Gus too.
“Um, sorry to interrupt but you took off and there are rogues in the forest…”
Gus says and look Mr Green, Sam or whatever his name is up and down.
“No harm done.” Mr Green answers him and Gus seem to relax.
“So Ivy… are you done here?”
Gus asks and try his hardest to hold back the smile. Shit, he knows what we were up to. Damn wolf noses! And it gets confirmed when Gus gives me a knowing glance and I hiss at him
“Don’t look at me like that!”
Mr Green chuckles and if I could I would bite him, then lick him everywhere and… no Ivy! What is wrong with you?! Gus is here so no dirty thoughts about Mr please fuck me.
I groan at myself and look up at him. His shimmering green eyes seems to have me undressed already and I suddenly feel that I don’t give a shit about Gus I just want him, now!
“So you two are obviously not done yet, but Jason will be here soon and he would probably lose his shit.”
Gus looks Mr pantie stealer up and down before he continues
“I don’t doubt that you won’t be able to kick his ass and I would love to see it, but I don’t want Ivy in the middle of that.”
I growl at him and for a brief second I feel my wolfs anger too
“Calm down, little Wolf. Your friend is worried about you and he is also right.”
“You are leaving again, aren’t you?”
He sighs and I feel his sadness. Wait, how can I feel what he is feeling? He gives me a soft smile and my eyes tears up.
“Believe in yourself, don’t let him get to you. I will always be here for you when you need me. Take care little Wolf.”
He says and gives me a soft, sweet kiss then he turns around and when I blink he is just not there anymore.
“Did the dude just disappear?”
Gus says in disbelief, staring at the spot that he had been standing on.