Day one was the worst day by far. So much had happened in such a short space of time that I struggled to cope with all the emotions I had. I both loved Khaos and hated him, he had caused so much but given me more than I could ever have hoped. I noticed more and more just how much my mother had managed to trap me and Khaos gave me freedom, he let me and my wolf run free and accepted us both. He never asked for the pretty porcelain doll imagine I presented on the outside, he wanted the real woman I was on the inside good and bad.
However, that did not change the fact that he had murdered my best friend. Yes, Logan and I had a history and I knew that would be hard for a wolf-like Khaos to handle but it was no excuse for murder.
As much as I wanted to hate him, to never speak to him again, I couldn't help the way I missed him. In such a short space of time, he had come to mean so much. I was used to turning to him when I thought of something funny, sharing my meals with him, my bed, my heart. It wasn't the same
I didn't leave the room on the first day. I cried, slept, cried some more and spent a lot of time just staring into space. I wanted to find Jasmine and see if she could ever forgive me, to explain my side of the story but I knew that was hopeless.
I even contemplated running away. Of finding my old pack come what may but the scared little voice in my head reminded me I would have to explain Logan's absence and being the chicken I am, I quickly put that idea to bed.
Day one was by far the worst day but I had hopes. Tomorrow was a new day.
Day two wasn't much better. I skipped breakfast again, my stomach turning at the thought of eating. My last meal had been the deer that Khaos and I had shared and that thought alone sent me spiralling back down into depression.
I didn't change out of the dressing gown that still lingered with his scent. I didn't brush teeth or attempt to wash. I wanted to call him and head his voice but realised I didn't have his number. I could easily find it but that meant going to his office and I couldn't handle that right now. It was probably for the best.
Day 2 passed by much the same. A knock at my door signalled the meals being brought to me and the tuts of disapproval signalled them being taken away. Using this I was able to time my day, keeping a loose hold on the passing hours as I lost myself more and more.
Day two really hadn't been much better after all
Day 3 was a turning point. The day mostly dragged by, the same knocks at the door, the same tuts. Everything the same. I calculated the hours, moving the chair around the room to remain in the sun.
I stared out of the window, remembering my hunt with Khaos and the subsequent chase. Remembering Logan and his sweet, gentle love.
Jasmine and Erin, the raven-haired beauty stopped by. They pleaded for my forgiveness, that Khaos explained everything. Together they took care of me, spoon-feeding me soup and gently coaxing me into the shower. Jasmine helped me wash, massaging my hair for me whilst Erin fixed up the bedroom. They laid out fresh clothes and tucked me into bed like a child and I made my false promises to come down to breakfast in the morning.
As soon as they left I broke down, sobbing because everything was new and fresh and nothing belonged to Khaos. Nothing held is scent any more.
Maybe day 3 wasn't such a turning point after all
Day 4 was the day I decided enough was enough. I vowed not to let Khaos destroy me completely. I went to breakfast with the pack, hesitant at first but they all turned bright, happy faces my way. A few younger ones still called me Luna but I ignored the sharp stab of pain their words delivered.
I walked around the gardens, finding a beautiful fenced off area. Upon further inspection, I found the temple and realised I was in the worship grounds of the Moon Goddess. I knelt at her statue and I prayed and prayed to her as I unloaded all my worries and fears onto her. I left feeling more whole than I had in a long time. I joined in with the evening games, laughing even though I didn't really feel like it. I enjoyed a beautiful dinner, convincing everyone around me that the worst was over with. I just needed to work on convincing myself
Day 5 was a setback. Too much food when my stomach had gone days without eating gave me awful cramps. I attempted breakfast but immediately brought it back up again. Jasmine expressed her concern but I reassured her I was fine, a simple case off too much too soon. She asked me if I had reached my decision and I didn't know how to answer. Yes. No. I couldn't think past one day at a time.
At her insistence I visited the pack Dr who gave me a clean bill of health but ordered me to take things much easier whilst we waited for the results of the blood tests, just to be on the safe side.
I was sent back to the room I had been ordered to leave just a day or so ago and took up my usual position in the seat by the window
Day 5 really hadn't gone to plan at all
Day 6 brought me an early morning visit from the Dr as he had my test results. He was pleased to announce I was fit and healthy, no doubt fearing Khaos' wrath if he had told me anything else.
He handed me an envelope that contained my diagnoses and left me to my thoughts.
Day 6 was the day I made my decision. I called Khaos, my palms sweating as I anxiously listened to the endless ringing. Finally, he picked up
"Hey. It's me.'
Day 1 I was fine. I refused to let myself think of Violet, instead, I pretended I was away for the night on pack business and not about to be rejected by my mate.
I laughed with my Alpha friend, Duke, trained with his warriors and politely turned down his father's offer of one of his she-wolf companions. There was something about that Alpha that made my skin crawl and I wanted nothing to do with him or any of his ladies in waiting.
I went to bed and thought of my own blonde-haired Angel and pretended she would be sharing my bed in no time.
Day 2 was when I began to miss her. When reality set in and wouldn't let me play my pretending games any more.
I wanted to call her, to demand that she return to my side and never leave again. I picked up the phone, ready to call her and promise her the world, that I could and would change for her, that I would be better.
I saw the scar on my wrist, courtesy of Drake and his fellow rapists and hung up the phone before she could answer.
I wasn't capable of change. I was a born incapable of being loved and I had been trained not to give love in return. Violet was better off without me.
Day 3 the depression began to sink in. I thought of all my past actions, the people I had hurt. I didn't regret the way I chose to live my life, my determination to find my birth parents, but I did regret that innocent people had been dragged into it.
I skipped dinner on day 3. I had spoken to Jasmine and I knew how much Violet was hurting. Jasmine has pleaded with me to come home and I had roared at her, told her to stop bothering me. That Violet wasn't my problem any more. She hung up, openly crying and cursing my name
I wouldn't change.
Day 4 was the day I smashed up Duke's packhouse. He ordered all women and children to the safe room as I tore through the building, breaking everything in my path. My wolf strained to be free but I held him back, knowing there would be no stopping him once he was out. He would run back to Violet and either mate with her or kill her. He wouldn't let anyone else have her if we couldn't.
Violet was happy, she was praying in the Moon Goddess garden and for some reason, this angered me. She had given me 4 days before deciding to move on with her life. Even Aubrey had given me longer than 4 days. I really was pathetic.
Alpha Duke stood aside as he watched me destroy his pride and joy, neither him not his warriors daring to stop me. Duke looked at me with an almost pitying look in his eye. From what I had managed to gather, him and his mate, Grace, had yet to complete the mating ritual and weren't in the best of relationships either.
What was it about us males that made us into these beasts? That made us destroy the one thing in our lives that brought us comfort?
I got to his office and saw the beautiful face of his mate and began to come to my senses. She didn't deserve this, none of them did.
For the first time since I left Drake, I sank to my knees and cried like a baby, hearing Duke order everyone away as he quietly closed the door, respecting my grief. He'd been in this position many times over the years, he knew. He knew what it was to yearn for someone that didn't want you.
Day 5 I went through the normal motions. I hid behind my mask as I helped repair the damage I had caused and made my apologies.
I dealt with rebuilds, painting, decorating. I played with the pups and smiled at the she-wolves. I would forget Violet. No matter what.
I found Grace and gave her a personal apology, almost breaking down yet again at how sweet she was, how easily she gave her forgiveness. She could forgive me, yet she still looked at Duke with resentment in her eyes. I could live a thousand years and never truly understand the mindset of she-wolves.
I joined in the nights' festivities, revelling in the attention of the young omega who rubbed her body seductively against mine. I went back to her room and shoved her against the door. She wrapped her legs around my waist, whispering her dirty words in my ear.
With a blonde-haired Angel in my mind, I nibbled on her collar bone and pushed my hand up her skirt, seeking out the damp patch in her panties, already hard at the thought of how easy it was for me to get her wet.
She threw her head back and moaned my name, her face coming into focus. I pushed her away, muttering my apologies as I left the room.
She wasn't Violet and I was kidding myself thinking I could get over her. Like it or not, I was head over heels in love.
Day 6 I tried to avoid everyone around me, especially the she-wolf from last night. I didn't dare stay in my room in case she came to look for me so I took the cowards way out, remaining in the training grounds with the warriors.
Day 6 was the day that I got the excited shout from Grace that my phone was ringing. I knew who it was just as Grace did. She was finally calling me. As I passed the Luna to be, she gave me a smile that was full of pride. Pride? It was almost as if she was rooting for me. Crazy, messed up, bully me. She wanted me to have this chance of happiness. She placed her hand on my shoulder momentarily, giving me a discreet nod and I knew this was it. My one
Like the ridiculous love-sick wolf I was, I ran to the bedroom the minute I heard, praying to the moon goddess that she wouldn't hang up before I had the chance to answer. Thankfully things were working in my favour
'Hey. It's me. I'm pregnant"