December 25, 2019
If I’m being truthful, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do with a diary. Do I write about my deepest, darkest secrets and all the cute boys I have a crush on like I’m in middle school? Does it even matter what I write in here? I don’t think I’ll even be able to say this when I’m done with it. Maybe one day in the future (when I’m living in a lavish palace, being waited on hand and foot by loyal servants). I’ll uncover this and look back at how shitty my life used to be. So if Daniele from the future is reading this: Hey girl! What’s going on, gorgeous?
In all seriousness, though, I guess I’ll start by talking about why I even got a diary to begin with. It all started with Isabelle. Issy is my coworker at Legna as well as at the gay bar. She was hired about a month after me and ever since then, she’s tried clinging to me, making me her best friend. I don’t want to be her friend, to be honest, but she can’t seem to take a hint to save her life. I remember one time she asked me if I wanted to have a girls’ night out with her and some of her friends. I politely declined and said that I had some other plans that night, even though I didn’t. Then she had the nerve to ask me what I was doing. Can you believe that? She couldn’t just let the subject drop, she had to keep pushing. I was already really frustrated from work that day, so I snapped at her and told her that I would be busy thinking about not spending time with her. The sour look on her face after that was priceless. I don’t know why she has such an attachment to me, but I think maybe it’s because we were hired around the same time, so she thinks the new people have to stick together or something. My only saving grace in this is that wild child Scarlett. Of all the people who go to the bar, Scarlett would be the last person I would expect to be friends with Issy, but I guess that’s what makes her so unpredictable.
Speaking of Isabelle, another reason I don’t trust her is because of how close she’s gotten to Adam recently. I don’t get hurt very often, but I’ll admit it: Adam hurt me. He was a Russian mobster I used to hook up with. Our hooking up morphed into a relationship, and that relationship started to get serious. I was developing actual romantic feelings for this man, and I thought he felt the same way. He would take me on these lavish foreign vacations to places I would have never been able to visit on my own. We went to Germany, Dubai, Russia, France, and even Thailand. He would take me out to the most expensive restaurants and reserve a whole room just for us. We would spend the night eating and drinking, generally having a good time before going back to whichever luxury hotel we were staying at. Playing with each other until the sun came up. There was just one thing I didn’t like about these trips. Before each trip, Adam would take me shopping and buy me all sorts of luxury clothes and jewellery. This made me feel special, like a princess or something. Then, we would go on these vacations afterwards, and we would sell all of my expensive items for cash that he could send back to his mob fellows in Russia. I got upset after this happened one time and said that I at least wanted a percentage of the money. That was all it took for him to cut me off. He bought me the next return flight back home and hasn’t spoken to me since.
Recently, though, he’s started showing up to the restaurant where I work at. This worries me because like I said, he’s a mobster. He’s got connections to people who could take my life in a second. I think he knows I work here too, but I’ve never served him. I refuse. Each time he walks through the front doors, I scurry back to the kitchen and pretend like I’m busy doing something else. Issy is the one who almost always serves him, though, and that’s what worries me. Every time I see her interact with him, she’s always chatting him up. They’re laughing, playing around, acting like old chums or something. I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like Issy is an informant for Adam. That would explain why she’s always trying to be so friendly with me even though I’ve given her clear signals that I don’t feel the same way.
Lately, Isabelle has been really into journaling and keeping records of her thoughts and feelings. I thought it was just gonna be a phase because when Isabelle gets into a new hobby, she gets obsessed for the first few weeks. She’ll become like an absolute lunatic, just blabbering on and on about whatever new hobby she has. Then her interest will taper out and she’ll move onto something else. But this was different. She just kept going on about how useful diaries are, how they allow reflecting. ‘This and that and blah blah blah’. I asked her if she would stop bothering me about the benefits of journaling if I bought a diary. She agreed and now here I am, doing something I never thought I’d be doing.
I need to stop letting Isabelle get so close to me. She’s not beneficial to me at all. My mantra is that I don’t want to be connected with anybody I can’t make a pound from. That might sound shitty, but what can I say? I’m a hustler in a dog eat dog world. I’ve so many hustles, and side hustles that it can get hard to keep track of them all. I work at a restaurant, I sell drugs, I sell stolen and bootleg goods, I’m an escort, I blackmail some very wealthy men, I run phishing scams and all sorts of other illegal activities. In fact, now that I think about it, the only people I would consider myself close to are Megan and Martina. Megan is somebody who I keep close because she’s a hacker, so she helps me with all my cybercrimes and things like that. She’s the one who actually taught me how to run phishing scams and deploy keyloggers to get into peoples’ bank accounts. And then there’s Martina. I don’t want to sound like an asshole but let’s just say her intelligence isn’t her greatest asset. From the few fragments of her backstory, she’s told me, I think she dropped out of high school to pursue a career in the streets. At some point in her life, she was trying to be an escort like me, but she wasn’t getting the best clientele. They would treat her cruelly or not pay her so instead she turned to the drug game and thieving, and that’s how she made her money. The only reason I keep her close is that she’s tied to the criminal syndicates. If I need to move any product I have a vast network to go to because of Martina.
Notice how I never called either of these women, my friend. I haven’t had a true friend in such a long time, the concept of one has become foreign to me. Instead of friends, I have a tightly knit group of people who I keep around for my benefit. As long as they’re making me money in some way, they can hang around. Sure, I’ll have a few drinks with them and pretend to laugh at their jokes like they’re the funniest people on the planet. Still, as soon as they start acting up or as soon as they don’t benefit me, I drop them like a sack of potatoes.
So, let’s see where this goes, I guess. Maybe this is the only entry I have, or perhaps this journaling shit will change my life. I think it’s funny how most of the life-changing decisions we make rarely get noticed because we believe they are too insignificant. Like buying a winter jacket, for example. It gets so cold here that having a winter jacket could mean the difference between staying warm or getting frostbite, and that’s definitely life-changing. It reminds me of how I actually got into the hustling lifestyle. Years ago, I had dreams of going to University and becoming an astrophysicist. Then, some close family members of mine passed away, and I began to question what I was doing with my life. We have such a limited time on this planet, was I really going to spend a significant amount of it at University? I went through a period where I was in a state of moratorium. I was just stuck in my room, watching as the world passed me by. Then I stumbled across a TED talk online from a realtor who had made it big by investing some side money in some risky, yet rewarding, stocks. This inspired me to take charge of my life. I realized I didn’t want to be in college at all, so I dropped out and started hustling in the streets to make some money now and then. Ever since watching that video, I read inspirational quotes and watch other TED talks, and that’s what inspired me to hustle.