Two months later
Some things have changed over the past couple months. For instance, I don’t tell Rhaya how I feel about her anymore. She said she needed time. So that’s what I’ve given her. Emotional time and space.
Granted, we still train almost every day, except the days she is with Gareth. But when we do, talking about feelings is off limits.
About 6 weeks ago we were just starting a session and I thought 2 weeks was long enough on giving her ‘emotional space.’ We were getting into the lessons of bondage, and I thought it was the perfect time to talk, since she was cuffed, and couldn’t walk out on me. Fuck, I was wrong.
In our lessons, I have whipped her, used nipple clamps, tied her up and kept a vibrator on her clit, making her cum over ten times, no matter how sensitive she got. Made her squirt until her pussy had no more liquid to give, poured wax on her tits, and much more. And she has only said the safe word once… When I had her cuffed and tried to get her to talk about us.
I remember pouring my heart out to her, and when I was done and waiting for her reply, tears rolled down her cheeks and she whispered, “Gray.”
My heart and stomach dropped so hard that day. So our relationship has been strictly business since then.
But there are also some things that haven’t changed… For one, I still love her. Fuck, I love her more now than I did two months ago. Second, the sex is still absolutely incredible. Though, we don’t talk about our feelings, we express them sexually. Which leads me to three, Rhaya still loves me too.
Of course she doesn’t tell me. But the way she looks at me, says it all. Especially when I am inside her. The connection we have is exhilarating. And that’s what I’ve been holding on to.
She is very close to finishing her training here at the mansion. We finished our last day this week, before she goes to stay with Gareth for a couple nights; all that’s left is next week, which is Tri-Dp Exploration week.
It makes me incredibly sad that she will be leaving soon. Or at least that’s what is supposed to happen. I know she still loves me, but the fact she still won’t talk to me about it, scares the shit out of me.
I’d rather her just rip the fucking bandaid off. But I truly think, she doesn’t know who she wants to be with yet. Fuck, I could be totally wrong and she might be so in love with Gareth, that there’s no way I could catch up.
But with only one week left, her emotional time clock is almost up. Within the next few days, I will either be the happiest man alive, or be one heart broken, devastated mother fucker.