About a half hour after Damien leaves my room, Ian comes back. He knocks on the door and comes in.
He still is bare chested, since giving me his shirt, “Hey.” He smiles as he shuts the door behind him, and then comes and sits next to me on the bed.
“Hey,” I smile, “everything okay?”
“Yeah. Things are fine, just had to sign some paperwork. Are you okay?” He asked as he grabbed my hand.
“I’m good. And paperwork? Because tomorrow is my last day?” I asked.
“Damien told you?” His face looked a little concerned.
“He came to apologize, and yes he told me. He also told me about the incident with his trainee a year ago, and that’s why you were so mad that he did that.”
Ian took a few seconds before he answered, “God Rhaya, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have let him be alone with you. I thought he was going to follow through on his word.” His green eyes were looking deep into mine. There was sorrow in them.
“Ian. It’s okay. I’m okay. That situation is squashed.” I squeezed his hand and offered a smile.
We sat there in silence for a couple minutes, until I finally spoke, “I’m sorry I haven’t really been straightforward with you, on where I’m at. I’ve just needed time to figure everything out. I’ve never loved two people at once… until now.” I swallowed, “But I can’t have both.”
It felt like my heart fractured as I watched Ian’s face fall in defeat, like he already knew the answer, “It’s him. Isn’t it?”
It’s breaking me, knowing I’m about to break his heart, but I can’t keep beating around this bush.
“Yes.” I whisper as a tear falls down my cheek.
He’s not looking at me, but he doesn’t let go of my hand.
“I’m so sorry Ian.” I choke out. More tears escape and a lump forms in my throat.
Ian looks up at me, I see tears forming at the rims of his lower lids, but he blinks a couple times and then rubs his eyes.
He clears his throat and offers a smile. A smile I’m going to miss.
“It’s okay,” he pulls me in to him and wraps his arms around me, “this is how it was supposed to be in the first place. We weren’t supposed to fall in love.”
We were silent again for a minute as we hugged each other.
“I guess we’re pretty good at breaking the rules.” I sniffle and we both start laughing.
As we release our hug, Ian smiles again, “I guess breaking one more wouldn’t hurt.”
Before I could question him, Ian asks, “Can I hold you tonight?” He was still slightly smiling, but I could see the hurt in his eyes.
“I would like that.” I knew this would be the last time Ian and I would sleep in each other’s arms, so I didn’t care that we were breaking the, ‘no sleeping in each other’s rooms’ rule again.
He got up and turned off the light.
After we both got under the covers, we were facing each other with our arms around one another.
Our foreheads were touching, and though both our hearts were hurting, in a way it felt peaceful.
Then Ian whispered, “I love you Rhaya.”
I felt tears forming again, “I love you too, Ian.”