“Lucas, I don’t know what to say. I mean things are so different now. My life is different and I don’t know how I feel about what happened back then.” I tried to be honest with him.
“It’s okay Scar, I just needed you to know the truth.” He said. “I would never hurt you. It was just a bad moment with judgment and wrong timing.” He started to stand up and walk towards the door. He then turned and looked back at me. “Thank you for coming. My father loved you.” He said and walked out the front door. I just sat there and I had no idea what I was feeling or even how to act.
The next morning I woke up to my cell phone ringing. I groaned and rolled over. I grabbed my phone and it was Darren calling me. “Hello,” I said.
“Hello beautiful, I heard about Jack and was wondering if there was anything I could do to help?” I smiled at his words.
“Hello Darren, No we’re all okay here. I came home the minute I found out.”
“How are you doing?” He asked me.
“You know you are the first woman I have ever slept with that was gone in the morning. It kind of hit my pride a little.” I giggled some.
“I’m sorry Darren. I didn’t mean to hurt your pride or anything. I had to go and you were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“It’s okay. You can make it up to me later. Listen I’m going to let you go, but if you need anything please give me a call. Give my condolence to your family.” He said. I thanked him and we said goodbye. He is such a sweet man. I said to myself. I got up and jumped in the shower. Jack’s funeral was today. I pulled out my simple black dress and black high heels. I pulled my hair into a bun and grabbed my sunglasses. I met my mother and sister down the stairs. The front door opened and Lucas came walking in. He was dressed in a black suit and tie. He looked nice. We all followed him out to the limo and took off. The service was nice and there were a ton of people there. People I recognized from his company and then there were the people there from his other business. They all respected Lucas as he was now in charge.
I sat next to him and my mother. Once we had got back to the house my mother told me how she was going to move out of this house because it truly belonged to Lucas and she was left with so much money that she could buy a place of her own and didn’t need such a big place. Jack left the house to my mother but it was Lucas’s childhood home. She felt it was the right thing to do. After everyone left and it was just me, my mother, and Lucas. “I’d like to talk to you both.” My mother said as she took a seat at the kitchen table. Both Lucas and I took a seat with her. She looked at me. “Scarlet, Jack loved you and he left you and your sister a very large amount of money. He really didn’t want you or sister ever having to need or want for anything.” She said to me. She looked at Lucas. “You know what your father has left for you, but he left me this house. Now I don’t need such a big home, Lucas. I’m alone and both my girls are on there own. I’d like to give you the house, Lucas. It has always been your home.” My mother said. Lucas stood up and walked over to my mother’s side.
“This is your home. I could never ask you to do that.” He said to her.
“It’s already done, Lucas. I really don’t need this home. All you have to do is sign the papers." My mother said. Lucas took the papers from her and signed them. He then looked at her.
“This will always be your home and you can come back anytime.” He told her and they hugged. I smiled at them both and got up to head to my bedroom. I need to go through my things and pack up what I want to keep and get rid of what I don’t. I turned on the music and left my bedroom door open. I was well into working when I heard a tap on my bedroom door. I looked up and Lucas was standing there.
“Hey,” I said.
“What are you doing?” He asked me with his arms crossed.
“Well, since this is your home now. I thought I would get my room all cleaned up."
“Scar, this will always be your home. I will never let anything happen to your room or things.”
“I know that Lucas, but I just thought it would be easier this way, I’m sure you will want to do something with this space."
“Where would you stay when you came to visit?” He asked me.
“With my mother."
“So, I’ll never see you then?” He asked me. I stood up and walked closer to him.
“You will always be my family, Lucas,” he took a deep breath. “What’s wrong?” I asked him. He looked at me and reached his hand out and ran his fingers down my face.
“I miss you Scar.” I just stood there while my brain was screaming at me to step away from him.
“It took me a long time to get over you Lucas. I can’t go down that road again.”
“I’m not over you.” He said in a whisper. He started to lean his face closer to mine.
“Lucas, please,” I said softly.
“I can’t do this,” I said knowing I wasn’t strong enough to push him away. I thought I was over him. I thought I would be stronger than this, but being close to him was my weakness. I needed to say whatever I could to make him back away. I didn’t want to go home with regrets. I didn’t want to miss him anymore. I didn’t want to love him. Loving him was so hard to do. It consumed me and everything in my life. He leaned in even closer and his lips were right next to mine. I knew the moment his lips touched mine I would be lost in him once again. “Lucas don’t,” I whispered out. I closed my eyes and waited. He took a step back and when he did I breathed again.
"I know you want me just much as I want you, but I will respect you asking me to stay away,” he said and walked out of my room. I needed to go back home. I closed my bedroom door and continue to finish packing up my room. I will spend one more day here with my family and then I was going to head home. I needed for there to be space between me and Lucas. I still cared about him more than I thought I did, but I just can not allow myself to fall back in love with him. His life is here and my life is back in North Carolina. I could never ask him to give up his father’s company or his father’s business. The longer I sat there and thought about Lucas the more I was missing him. My heart was aching for him and I thought I was passed that. Damn it, I said to myself.
I got up and walked out of my bedroom and went down the hallway. I stopped right in front of Lucas’s door. I knew he had moved out a couple of years ago but I wasn’t sure if he had gone back to his house or if he was still here at this house. I stood in front of his bedroom door and had a huge argument with myself. My head was screaming at me to go back to my own room, but my heart was telling me to go into his. Maybe if I felt his lips against mine one more time I could go home salted.
I had to laugh at myself because I know that my assumptions were ridiculous. I just couldn’t seem to help that my heart was overwhelming my brain. I open his bedroom door and walked in. I found him laying on top of his bed just looking at the ceiling. The minute he heard me walk in he looked up at me and our eyes locked. ” Forgive me for this Lucas,” I said to him as I ran across the room and jumped on top of him. He looked at me like I was crazy but fell in line as soon as our lips touched. His arms wrapped around my body and pulled me closer to him. Just as I knew it would be, I was lost with him. He is everything I’ve always wanted in a man and I think the reason is that he was the first man I’ve ever loved. We’re like two magnets that just could not keep ourselves apart. I knew for sure in my heart and my brain that I was not going to sleep with him. I just wanted to feel his lips and his arms around me one more time.
" I knew you missed me too.” He said in my ear as he placed kisses on my neck.
“Of course I miss you, Lucas. What would make you think that I didn’t miss you? I miss you every minute of every day. But we’re just not good for each other. You and I both need to understand that.”
“Why? Why do you think that?” He asked me.
“I don’t know I just know that being with you hurts and not being with you hurts. Our lives are so different. I’m happy where I am and you have your life here.” I said. He reached up and took hold of my face and brought me back to his lips once again. I stayed there with him just kissing and talking. We both fell asleep in each other’s arms. I opened my eyes the next morning and I quietly left his room. I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath. I don’t know if what I did was a mistake or not, but I did enjoy it. I can only hope it won’t make my heart ache for him once again. I found my mother downstairs and she looked at me when I walked in. “Oh thank god you have coffee made,” I said as I started to pour a cup.
“Where were you last night Scarlet?” My mother asked me.
“What do you mean?"
“I went to your room and you were not there. I also know that Lucas stayed here last night.” She said.
“What are you getting at mother?”
“Do you think that it’s a good idea to be messing around with Lucas?”
“First of all mother. What I do with Lucas is my business, but I wasn’t messing around with him.” I said. She just stood there and looked at me. “Okay, we kissed, but that was all. We mostly talked and I just fell asleep next to him. I’m not going there again with him.” I said and walked out onto the back porch with my coffee and took a seat. I had to stay strong and head home without regrets.